My eyes lingered on the page, scanning the literary terms of each word and phrase. My fingers grazed the edges of the spine and soothingly traced out each collection of individual letters. Oh, how reading was so fascinating. It made reality much less enjoyable.

It hadn't drawn my focus away from my "too good to be true" fantasy when the teacher walked in. I wish it wasn't a false hope for this world to be such an immersive experience. I wish that this made up fantasy world that the author wrote, was real. Unfortunately, instead, we are subjected to the punishment that is education. A place where fantasy dies and reality thrives. Nothing better to crush your dreams than High School.

The bickering of the kids never concerned me, nor did their threats and rumors ever scare me. I was stuck in a medium. A silent, invisible world outside of everyone else. And I appreciated that position.

Loneliness isn't such a problem when you have books, mangas, webtoons and endless articles to read on the internet. I can educate myself on the wonders of the world— and the catastrophes— just by glancing up at the TV at home or researching interesting topics on Google.
That didn't mean that I took school lightly, though. If anything, I might as well have been the top student in my class due to the unlimited free time at my house after school hours. Plus, I have nothing better to do here, might as well get something productive done so I don't spend Lunch and breaks excessively studying.

People may not understand my ideology, but that doesn't mean that I am in the wrong for prioritizing my grades and reading series of books in my free time. I just personally think of other solutions by myself rather than waste my precious time socializing with my peers. While communicating is going to be important in the "real world" I am not quite ready to step so far into a world of extroverted individuals. I am an introvert. I find enjoyment in spending time alone, either recharging or just having plain, silent conversations with my own mind. And while that might be a prison, it is nothing like the outside world. My mind is my safe zone. My only comfort in a world so full of cruelty and opinions. Better to watch my own back and thrive on being alone than trying to conversate with people who probably won't even accept me for who I am.

note: I did want to include a lot more about how Quiet Kids sometimes want to have human connection but anxiety, depression, and fear prohibits them from making the first move. And that they are alone most of the time because they are percieved by others as "arrogant smart kids" or "they just want to be alone" which isn't always the case. I am a Quiet Kid, too. especially when I'm not around people I feel comfortable with. To all my smart quiet weirdos who just want to make friends. i feel you. I'm learning how to be more confident too 👍🏻🫰🏻 :)


© Tannni