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Ayesha
When I was 17 years old, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting inside a mosque and a little boy walked up to me to ask a difficult question. He caught my hand and asked me, “Didi why do people have to leave each other?” The question was a personal one, but it seemed clear to me why the question was chosen for me.God gives signs and I did nt have an answer at that time but now maybe I have one because I lost the most treasured and prized possession of my life - my younger brother Amir.
Ever since I was a child,I was sensitive and this temperament was very clear as I could nt handle any pangs of seperation.
While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I always needed a best friend to accompany and make me forget the violent acts that took place at home everyday.As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me and I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments— everything became objects of strong attachment bonded with love and concern. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered as I keep on overthinking about it burning midnight oil. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit to be the previous object.
I had disappointments from all my loved ones one after another except from my boy.Yet the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a tiny twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us.
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Ever since I was a child,I was sensitive and this temperament was very clear as I could nt handle any pangs of seperation.
While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I always needed a best friend to accompany and make me forget the violent acts that took place at home everyday.As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me and I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments— everything became objects of strong attachment bonded with love and concern. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered as I keep on overthinking about it burning midnight oil. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit to be the previous object.
I had disappointments from all my loved ones one after another except from my boy.Yet the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a tiny twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us.
© All Rights Reserved
