Thats night I cried and cried and there's no explanation to that i just cried. I was just crying and those pains coming as a flashbacks into my mind and my chest was paining like hell. I couldn't sleep and fear embraced me like a warm worst hug. Recalling my disciplined life I cried again and yes my life was full of peace and happiness, a studious child, a disciplined student, and an introvert.

Was it really worth it to be so silent and a yes person? No it's not worth it but i thought so a which pulled me to a never ending darkness of excruciating life. Seems simple but it wasn't easy, that phase wasn't easy for me to decode what's happening, what's going on in my life, in my mind.

If people asks me was it really hard to get out of the situation I would say no it's really hard but not impossible. It's hard because it was such an experience for me, such painful it was that after zillions of painful incidents I wasn't able to work hard for me, my mind was continuously thinking that '"it's over"' Fear was something that was constantly with me, in me I would say and that kept me away from strengthening me, away from my believes, away from all optimistic stuffs. Wasn't able to step outside as if those traumas were standing for me to engrave me into them. Yes bleeding was inside; for me it was so hard to even complete my studies, so close to the verge of leaving everything and just sit in my home, I even tried to just leave my ashes back on my deparature, when those flashbacks come I cry, sob endlessly.
© panglossian lass