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Flames and Cigarette
Flames and Cigarette
How did I get here? that was the question I asked myself over and over as I sat in front of this
middle aged woman who called herself a doctor.
her lips were moving but my brain couldn't make any sense of what she was saying,maybe its the
cigarette I am currently puffing with reckless abaddon,or the drugs I took yesterday,either ways
my brain is really messed up right now
"what happened to you?" a voice broke into my fogged brain
"what pushed you? do you feel sorry?" it was the doctor's,I think her name is roland or something
'I only feel sorry for still breathing" I said to myself
"tell me,why don't you want to breathe,you know we need oxygen to live?" she asked
how on earth did this bitch hear me? or did I say it out loud? I must be more messed up than I
think.
talk to me,we all need oxygen to live right?
"NO"! I barked at her
"people don't live on oxygen alone"
I hiss then take a long drag of my cigarette
"how then can one live without breathing?" doctor roland asked
I laughed silently "you will not understand"
"but I want to understand" she said
"you still won't get it" I replied her
she looked at me with empathy,"trust me i know how life can be"
I scoff,"you have no idea trust me"
"crazy,sad,sick" she continued
"you think?" I say sarcastically
"my dear everyone has an ache that they're handling,trying to handle" she emphasized
I snort and continue smoking
"3 years ago,I lost my 11 year old daughter to osteogenic sarcoma also known as cancer of the
bone". she started
I looked at her from the corner of my left eye,I was a bit concerned and interested
"I watched as my daughter suffered and fought for her life,I and my husband's hands were
tied,we tried everything we could,but still..we lost her,I would have gladly traded places with her,I
couldn't watch my little girl suffer that way".she stops talking and tries to control her emotions
I removed my leg from her table where I had carelessly flung it and sat appropriately
"my husband and I never really recovered,we are just living through it,because that's what life is
about,continuity,never giving up,that's what she would have wanted"
she looks up at me,and I hold up my cigarette to her,you seriously need this more than I do.
she smiles at me,takes the cigarette and mutters a "thank you
she takes a drag,I smile at her,she smiles back
"so what's your story?" she says while passing me the cigarette
I took a long drag and I sigh
"Ever since when I was a child...I remember always seeing the apartment,scattered,smashed
and in disarray,I was 5 when I started noticing the abnormality in my family,my mom and dad
constantly fought,right in front on me,at a point I almost believed I was invisible,at age 5 I was
always crying and unhappy
At age 10,as much as I tried to avoid the drama,I just couldn't,I would always sit in front of my
room and just watch and cry.
five more years later and I am still forced to watch the drama unfold,most times I get very angry
and close to tears but I never cried,not even once,I just stand and watch
At 18 I was alreadiuy so good at ignoring them,I had found solace in my drugs.
I was about heading out when they started fighting again,I just watched with a cigarette in my
hand for a few minutes and walked past them unconcerned
"dirty pig! you are a witch!" the man I call father yelled
"drunkard! animal! useless man" the woman I call mother yelled back
"you will kill me today! murderer!" she kept screaming
I was almost at the door,I turned back and screamed loud enough for them to hear "why don't
you guys get a separate room,or better still a different house in separate countries!"
they stop fighting and turn to me,they actually stop fighting!
"doesn't this shit get old to you folks?" I asked them?
"who are you talking to with that tone?!" the man shouted
I roll my eyes lazily
"I've done my best" I said and walked out
"come back here young lady! where do you think you are going to? stop there!"
I mentally eye roll,who cares where I go and where I don't?
outside our apartment I could still hear echoes of their fight
"look at what you decided to give birth to" he screamed
"leave her alone,are you even a father?" she spat back at him
"she will be a prostitute just like her mother"
"that's better than being a failed incompetent father" she screams and hisses
"you will die bitch"
"you will die first up man"
I just snort and shake my head in disapproval before walking away
I find my way to the 10 storey rooftop that has gradually become my favorite spot
I look down and see a couple hugging and making out in front of a mall
I snort and drag my cigar
I look at another direction and find another couple making out in a parking lot
I laugh softly to myself
everyone is happy except me I murmur
I drag my cigar some more
everyone is alive except me
I take in one last drag and let the remaining blunt down the rooftop,it lands on the ground
I smile,and stand to my feet,
what if I fall? will I shatter or will I float? I just need to let go to find out
I laugh as I spread my arms
people point at me from the ground,some scream,while some prepare their phones waiting and
watching
"let's fly" I whisper to myself as I let go
I mistakenly step on my shoe lace and miss a step,someone grabs me from behind..and that's
how I was stopped from flying"
During the course of my narration doctor roland had come to sit side by side with me on a rug
facing the window
"wow",she finally says
"that was very sad,I'm so very sorry"
"don't be it's my sadness not yours" I say to her
"you must have seen hell",
"hell is an understatement" I replied her
"what do you think the issue was? she asked me"
"I don't really know,maybe my mom refused the money he offered to get rid of me,now we all
regret it"
doctor roland laughs,then takes a drag from the blunt
"it's all fucked in here" she says
"swears"I agree with her
we both puff out smoke while looking at the ceiling
"who was the person who saved you?"
"I don't know just some random dude I guess".
*************************
somewhere in town,Jay a 22 year old guy,walks under the light rain while dragging his blunt
slowly and disappears into the crowd.
*************
Jay walks into his apartment holding a plastic bag in his hand , he hears someone coughing from from one the rooms , he hastly rush to the sink and fetch some clean water into a glass and carries it to the room , there lay a woman pale looking and well tucked under a blanket, jay walks up to her side and gives her a glass of water cause she coudnt just stop couging ,and he watch her drink it up
" sorry i am late" jay said nearly whispering
"What took you so long" she struggled to say
" ran into somethings "
"What things ?" She asked
"Nothing much ,just society things " he said smiling at her
He caresses her forehead and kiss it
"So how is your body doing today " he says
"I am fine, just the regular headache and this cough " she emphasises
"Its fine " he says as he kisses her forehead once more and continues
"Its going tobe fine mom, you are going to get better ,i bought you the drugs
She smiles at him
"Wow were did you find them" she says
" well it wasnt an easy journey,this drugs are quite scarce, i had to search for them round the city before i found them ,
He replies
"Ohh my dear son " she says as she caresses his hair
" You have done so much for me " she says with a watery eyes
"No mom dont , dont start this ,its really nothing ", he assure
"Dont cry ,i dont want to see your tears ,they break me , he says as he tries to hide the emotions
"God bless you my son",she says as tears stream down her cheeks
Jay uses his shirt to wipe her tears
"Mom stop this, its really nothing " he says
He leans over and gives her a kiss on the cheek
"I love you ,you are all that i have ,and i will do absolutely everything for you " , he whispers
She smiles at him and he smiles back looking into her eyes
"Have you eating ?he asks
"No am i good , am not hungry
" what ? He says
"You need to eat something so you can take your drugs , let me go make you something " he says
He kiss her one more time and runs off , she smiles for a while then a frown appears on her face with tears streaming down her cheeks,she weeps silently.
*******************
Now that i am out of the doctors office , where do i go from here? Its late and am out of smoke, where do i even go ? Home ? No way , i rather go to jail than to go back to that house
I stop and sit on a bench by the road
What is this that feels like a stick , i reach for my pocket and behold i find a stray stick of cigar ,Oh my lucky night , i bring out my spark and light it , Nothing soothes a night of emptiness like a stick of cigar , i take a deep drag and puff while looking up at the sky
"The world is so small in my closed eyes, i should be dead by now" i giggle a bit and continue taking my drag.
****************
Jay carries a tray of food and water into the room and finds her sound asleep
"Mom" he says
She doesnt respond as she sleeps peacefully
Jay stands there admiring her ,he drops the food tray on a table by the bedside and tucks her in properly , he reaches for the lamp and turns the light off , darkness engulf the room , he walks up to a chair facing the bed , he sits there looking at his mom sleep , tears stream down his cheeks
"Get well please , i dont know what i will do if anything happens to you" , he whispers.
He weeps quietly as he watch her sleep
*******************
I open my eyes and the bright light from sun ray enters my eyes, shit it is morning
I sit up and look around me , i am still on the bench, Shit did i sleep here ,i giggle, "this shit is real", i say smiling to myself, people walking by me ,some minding there business while some looking at me like i am one popular face, just then a lady walks up to me
"Young lady are you okay ? She asks with a fake caring tone
"I am good ,i am good " i reply her haslty
"Ok great ,cause i saw you sleeping on the bench and i thought
"No worries i am good ,i am real fine ",I cut her short cause i want her poke nosing self out of my business
"Okay ,if you say so " , she said
"Yeah thanks", i fake a smile for her so she can move on
"Okay", she says as she waves her hand at me and walk away
I maintain the fake smile and wave back at her
Oh shit ,finally she is gone ,now i have to get my self out of here , where do i go ? Urgghh!!, i have no choice but to go back to that house, some one should just make me disappear
I sit there in dispair bowing my head ..............
continuation follows after it gets enough audience
© Legend
How did I get here? that was the question I asked myself over and over as I sat in front of this
middle aged woman who called herself a doctor.
her lips were moving but my brain couldn't make any sense of what she was saying,maybe its the
cigarette I am currently puffing with reckless abaddon,or the drugs I took yesterday,either ways
my brain is really messed up right now
"what happened to you?" a voice broke into my fogged brain
"what pushed you? do you feel sorry?" it was the doctor's,I think her name is roland or something
'I only feel sorry for still breathing" I said to myself
"tell me,why don't you want to breathe,you know we need oxygen to live?" she asked
how on earth did this bitch hear me? or did I say it out loud? I must be more messed up than I
think.
talk to me,we all need oxygen to live right?
"NO"! I barked at her
"people don't live on oxygen alone"
I hiss then take a long drag of my cigarette
"how then can one live without breathing?" doctor roland asked
I laughed silently "you will not understand"
"but I want to understand" she said
"you still won't get it" I replied her
she looked at me with empathy,"trust me i know how life can be"
I scoff,"you have no idea trust me"
"crazy,sad,sick" she continued
"you think?" I say sarcastically
"my dear everyone has an ache that they're handling,trying to handle" she emphasized
I snort and continue smoking
"3 years ago,I lost my 11 year old daughter to osteogenic sarcoma also known as cancer of the
bone". she started
I looked at her from the corner of my left eye,I was a bit concerned and interested
"I watched as my daughter suffered and fought for her life,I and my husband's hands were
tied,we tried everything we could,but still..we lost her,I would have gladly traded places with her,I
couldn't watch my little girl suffer that way".she stops talking and tries to control her emotions
I removed my leg from her table where I had carelessly flung it and sat appropriately
"my husband and I never really recovered,we are just living through it,because that's what life is
about,continuity,never giving up,that's what she would have wanted"
she looks up at me,and I hold up my cigarette to her,you seriously need this more than I do.
she smiles at me,takes the cigarette and mutters a "thank you
she takes a drag,I smile at her,she smiles back
"so what's your story?" she says while passing me the cigarette
I took a long drag and I sigh
"Ever since when I was a child...I remember always seeing the apartment,scattered,smashed
and in disarray,I was 5 when I started noticing the abnormality in my family,my mom and dad
constantly fought,right in front on me,at a point I almost believed I was invisible,at age 5 I was
always crying and unhappy
At age 10,as much as I tried to avoid the drama,I just couldn't,I would always sit in front of my
room and just watch and cry.
five more years later and I am still forced to watch the drama unfold,most times I get very angry
and close to tears but I never cried,not even once,I just stand and watch
At 18 I was alreadiuy so good at ignoring them,I had found solace in my drugs.
I was about heading out when they started fighting again,I just watched with a cigarette in my
hand for a few minutes and walked past them unconcerned
"dirty pig! you are a witch!" the man I call father yelled
"drunkard! animal! useless man" the woman I call mother yelled back
"you will kill me today! murderer!" she kept screaming
I was almost at the door,I turned back and screamed loud enough for them to hear "why don't
you guys get a separate room,or better still a different house in separate countries!"
they stop fighting and turn to me,they actually stop fighting!
"doesn't this shit get old to you folks?" I asked them?
"who are you talking to with that tone?!" the man shouted
I roll my eyes lazily
"I've done my best" I said and walked out
"come back here young lady! where do you think you are going to? stop there!"
I mentally eye roll,who cares where I go and where I don't?
outside our apartment I could still hear echoes of their fight
"look at what you decided to give birth to" he screamed
"leave her alone,are you even a father?" she spat back at him
"she will be a prostitute just like her mother"
"that's better than being a failed incompetent father" she screams and hisses
"you will die bitch"
"you will die first up man"
I just snort and shake my head in disapproval before walking away
I find my way to the 10 storey rooftop that has gradually become my favorite spot
I look down and see a couple hugging and making out in front of a mall
I snort and drag my cigar
I look at another direction and find another couple making out in a parking lot
I laugh softly to myself
everyone is happy except me I murmur
I drag my cigar some more
everyone is alive except me
I take in one last drag and let the remaining blunt down the rooftop,it lands on the ground
I smile,and stand to my feet,
what if I fall? will I shatter or will I float? I just need to let go to find out
I laugh as I spread my arms
people point at me from the ground,some scream,while some prepare their phones waiting and
watching
"let's fly" I whisper to myself as I let go
I mistakenly step on my shoe lace and miss a step,someone grabs me from behind..and that's
how I was stopped from flying"
During the course of my narration doctor roland had come to sit side by side with me on a rug
facing the window
"wow",she finally says
"that was very sad,I'm so very sorry"
"don't be it's my sadness not yours" I say to her
"you must have seen hell",
"hell is an understatement" I replied her
"what do you think the issue was? she asked me"
"I don't really know,maybe my mom refused the money he offered to get rid of me,now we all
regret it"
doctor roland laughs,then takes a drag from the blunt
"it's all fucked in here" she says
"swears"I agree with her
we both puff out smoke while looking at the ceiling
"who was the person who saved you?"
"I don't know just some random dude I guess".
*************************
somewhere in town,Jay a 22 year old guy,walks under the light rain while dragging his blunt
slowly and disappears into the crowd.
*************
Jay walks into his apartment holding a plastic bag in his hand , he hears someone coughing from from one the rooms , he hastly rush to the sink and fetch some clean water into a glass and carries it to the room , there lay a woman pale looking and well tucked under a blanket, jay walks up to her side and gives her a glass of water cause she coudnt just stop couging ,and he watch her drink it up
" sorry i am late" jay said nearly whispering
"What took you so long" she struggled to say
" ran into somethings "
"What things ?" She asked
"Nothing much ,just society things " he said smiling at her
He caresses her forehead and kiss it
"So how is your body doing today " he says
"I am fine, just the regular headache and this cough " she emphasises
"Its fine " he says as he kisses her forehead once more and continues
"Its going tobe fine mom, you are going to get better ,i bought you the drugs
She smiles at him
"Wow were did you find them" she says
" well it wasnt an easy journey,this drugs are quite scarce, i had to search for them round the city before i found them ,
He replies
"Ohh my dear son " she says as she caresses his hair
" You have done so much for me " she says with a watery eyes
"No mom dont , dont start this ,its really nothing ", he assure
"Dont cry ,i dont want to see your tears ,they break me , he says as he tries to hide the emotions
"God bless you my son",she says as tears stream down her cheeks
Jay uses his shirt to wipe her tears
"Mom stop this, its really nothing " he says
He leans over and gives her a kiss on the cheek
"I love you ,you are all that i have ,and i will do absolutely everything for you " , he whispers
She smiles at him and he smiles back looking into her eyes
"Have you eating ?he asks
"No am i good , am not hungry
" what ? He says
"You need to eat something so you can take your drugs , let me go make you something " he says
He kiss her one more time and runs off , she smiles for a while then a frown appears on her face with tears streaming down her cheeks,she weeps silently.
*******************
Now that i am out of the doctors office , where do i go from here? Its late and am out of smoke, where do i even go ? Home ? No way , i rather go to jail than to go back to that house
I stop and sit on a bench by the road
What is this that feels like a stick , i reach for my pocket and behold i find a stray stick of cigar ,Oh my lucky night , i bring out my spark and light it , Nothing soothes a night of emptiness like a stick of cigar , i take a deep drag and puff while looking up at the sky
"The world is so small in my closed eyes, i should be dead by now" i giggle a bit and continue taking my drag.
****************
Jay carries a tray of food and water into the room and finds her sound asleep
"Mom" he says
She doesnt respond as she sleeps peacefully
Jay stands there admiring her ,he drops the food tray on a table by the bedside and tucks her in properly , he reaches for the lamp and turns the light off , darkness engulf the room , he walks up to a chair facing the bed , he sits there looking at his mom sleep , tears stream down his cheeks
"Get well please , i dont know what i will do if anything happens to you" , he whispers.
He weeps quietly as he watch her sleep
*******************
I open my eyes and the bright light from sun ray enters my eyes, shit it is morning
I sit up and look around me , i am still on the bench, Shit did i sleep here ,i giggle, "this shit is real", i say smiling to myself, people walking by me ,some minding there business while some looking at me like i am one popular face, just then a lady walks up to me
"Young lady are you okay ? She asks with a fake caring tone
"I am good ,i am good " i reply her haslty
"Ok great ,cause i saw you sleeping on the bench and i thought
"No worries i am good ,i am real fine ",I cut her short cause i want her poke nosing self out of my business
"Okay ,if you say so " , she said
"Yeah thanks", i fake a smile for her so she can move on
"Okay", she says as she waves her hand at me and walk away
I maintain the fake smile and wave back at her
Oh shit ,finally she is gone ,now i have to get my self out of here , where do i go ? Urgghh!!, i have no choice but to go back to that house, some one should just make me disappear
I sit there in dispair bowing my head ..............
continuation follows after it gets enough audience
© Legend
