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MEMORIES: The Good The Bad and The Ugly ( the early years)
All my life I remember having a reoccurring dream or a reoccurring nightmare rather. In the nightmare I'm always running in either a giant field or a big Warehouse or something to that sort and I'm running because all I can hear is screaming happening all around me and it sounds like just people getting massacred and I can only open my eyes just barely far enough to see a little bit of light but I can't see what's going on around me so I just run and I run and I run to get away from the screaming but I don't know if I'm running in the right direction or the wrong direction and then I wake up. Now I never knew why I had that recurring nightmare during my whole life until one day a repressed memory came to me. Now this next part is no dream. This is what actually happened to me and is the reason for me having the nightmare.
so in my repressed memory I remember being a little child still in diapers able to walk not quite able to talk fully. I remember being put in a coat closet that was in full view of the living room and my dad would shut the door and I'd be in there in the dark and all of a sudden I'd hear screaming screaming bloody murder coming from outside the closet and of course it would send Terror all the way down to my core and then all the sudden it got quiet and the door would slowly swing open and I step out of the closet with my eyes huge anticipating what I was about to see expecting to see something horrible but all I would see is my dad and his friends on the couch talking to each other chatting it up like nothing was wrong like nothing happened. they were fucking with my undeveloped mind and getting off on it. they were putting me in the closet closing the door screaming their heads off like something horrible is happening to them and then letting the door slowly swing open and acting like they didn't do anything like nothing happened and I couldn't even talk to express to anyone what I experienced which is why I'm assuming that that experience has laid repressed deep inside me for so long and also is the reason for my mental issues that I've had my entire adult life. ever heard of the psychological term" splitting "? well that was how they did it to me . mental abuse and physical abuse are two totally different things physical abuse heals, mental spiritual and emotional abuse almost never does
© Warrior/Goddess
so in my repressed memory I remember being a little child still in diapers able to walk not quite able to talk fully. I remember being put in a coat closet that was in full view of the living room and my dad would shut the door and I'd be in there in the dark and all of a sudden I'd hear screaming screaming bloody murder coming from outside the closet and of course it would send Terror all the way down to my core and then all the sudden it got quiet and the door would slowly swing open and I step out of the closet with my eyes huge anticipating what I was about to see expecting to see something horrible but all I would see is my dad and his friends on the couch talking to each other chatting it up like nothing was wrong like nothing happened. they were fucking with my undeveloped mind and getting off on it. they were putting me in the closet closing the door screaming their heads off like something horrible is happening to them and then letting the door slowly swing open and acting like they didn't do anything like nothing happened and I couldn't even talk to express to anyone what I experienced which is why I'm assuming that that experience has laid repressed deep inside me for so long and also is the reason for my mental issues that I've had my entire adult life. ever heard of the psychological term" splitting "? well that was how they did it to me . mental abuse and physical abuse are two totally different things physical abuse heals, mental spiritual and emotional abuse almost never does
© Warrior/Goddess
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