I was left dumbfounded holding a sharp knife with full of blood.
Letting my anger goes down.
I still mesmerized the things that I did.
With full of shock, I released the knife without hesitation.
I took a glance with a man.
Lying on the ground and bathed his own blood.
I hurriedly check his pulse but I'm too late.
He's gone!

I became anxious throughout the incident.
I ran as far as I could to escape.
And quickly wiped away my tears.
What have I done?
Did I killed someone?
Why I don't remember?
Why did it end up like this?
I don't know what to do.
Where do I go?

I suddenly stopped because I heard the ambulance and the police car.
My knees are trembling with nervousness.
I looked around to find a place to hide.
But I didn't see anything so I continued to run.
Because of hurrying, I bumped into someone.
She was afraid of me but she still asked me if I'm okay despite of my looks.
I became anxious again but I just nodded in respond.
I ran again and passed her.

I turned into the small alley and rested for a moment.
I gasped as I leaned against the wall.
I saw nothing else so I felt relief.
Suddenly, I thought about what happened earlier.
My tears flowed again because of the sudden incident.
What did I do?
Why I can't remember the whole thing?
What I did before the incident?
I pulled my own hair because I was so annoyed.
Whatever I do, I can't remember anything.
I suddenly became alert because I could hear footsteps.
I peeked in and saw a lot of cops were running.
That includes a woman I bumped into earlier.
I know, they're looking at me.

I ran again and unfortunately they saw me.
They called me but I kept running.
As tears flowed down, I keep praying.
Lord, whatever I have done.
Please forgive me!
I was about to get out of the narrow alley.
But , there were cops waiting at the end of it.
I stopped running and looked behind me.
There were cops also.
They're surrounded and point a gun at me.

They force me to surrender. but I couldn't give up.
Why would I give up if I didn't know what happened earlier?
I like to think that maybe It was a set up but I knew in myself that I had made a big mistakes.
I shook my head of what I'm thinking.
This is just a mistake!
I was about to find a way out but my feet were stuck because I saw my mother in the distance.
She was crying looking at me and begging to surrender myself.

It hurts to see my mother crying over the foolishness I did.
I'm idiot!
I regret what I did.
I never thought about my family before making a big mistake.
Can the past be restored?
Can I correct my mistake?
Which would be better if I hugged my family for a long time?
If only I could.

I sobbed at my thoughts and knelt down in pain.
Mom, I'm sorry!
I'm so sorry!
The events I had forgotten earlier suddenly came to my mind.
Lord, I do not deserve your forgiveness!
I killed the person who deserved to live in this world more than me.
I took someone else’s life.
I can't even forgive myself for what I did.
I am tempted by the devil.
I became addicted to drugs and joined the gang.
I taught myself to be selfish.
I became selfish in other people's lives.
Now, I regret what I did.

I stood up and looked into my mother's eyes who were now sobbing in extreme fear.
Mom, I have committed a big mistakes so I need to pay for it.
I took other people's lives so my life is also a replacement.
I love you so much mom.
I hope you will forgive me.
I am also a human being who makes mistakes.
But this mistakes, is one of the things I regret for the rest of my life.
I will never forget your eternal love for me Mom.

As I stepped one of my foot, gunshots can be heard all over the place.
And my body is slowly falling to the cold cement.
I heard the footsteps approaching.
I saw my mom sobbing to death.
She held my hands as she hugged me in his arms.
I can feel the warmth of her hug.
I feel the love of a true mother for his sinful child.
And at the last moment I forgot the pain of the past.
She caressed me lightly.
Without hesitation I looked at her and said in the last words.
Mom, I love you so much and Forgive me.
Before I could close my eyes I heard her last words.
"Son, I forgive you. I hope you find the peace you wanted to have".

© Unatnat03

#drugs #regrets #forgiveness #loveofamother