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Planet Knob-umps
A History
This is a bit different from.my previous stories..a humorous series of tales taken from the historical archives of the planet Knob-umps a round world with knobs and bumps in galaxy far far away.
The world of Knob-umps was not really created ,it just kind of appeared ,one moment there was a dark empty space in the vastness of the universe, the next there was Knob-umps floating in all its glory .
There was no fuss,no big bang,not even a fizzle,in fact if you blinked you will have missed it. An oddly shaped planet that was meant to be round but was not. It was certainly not dull, in fact it was remarkably loud in colour, and its inhabitants were even more colourful. Characters that really could only live and exist in the various kingdom's and regions that gave Knob-umps it's substance.
That I am afraid is all their is to tell about how Knob-umps came about. It's habitants and varying creatures and species however now they are a different matter. My biggest problem here however is with whom to begin...now.let me think?.
Chapter One: The Quest for the corn rock Earrings.
"I am all a fluster this morning"Queen Whoop told her advisors "I appear to have lost my 🌽 rock Earrings,stolen I think and they need to be found.I will have Minister "Grumps" arrange a quest commanding the finest fellows in the realm to search for them The winner will receive the most handsome of rewards, as yet undecided,but I am sure I will think of something deserving of such s feat". The clock is ticking minister "Grumps" let the Quest begin on the morrow. With that Queen Whoop rose from her flower embedded throne and left the chamber.The big search was on.
Minister "Grumps' was a bull of a man, that's because he was one, a bull that is and not a man,but such is the play on words when writing. He stood 7ft tall stalking around on two muscular hoofed legs.
His purple coloured ministerial cloak fluttered comically,as he tried to calm himself enough to concentrate on the task just given to him by his Queen. "Damn" that women he roared "she is just so insufferable at times",speaking to nobody in particular,but anybody who was in earshot,which just happened to be half the court at the time.
"A ruddy quest ,she wants me to order all the brave souls of the realm to search for a pair of Earrings that have the value of an half-eaten jam sour cake without the jam, and what dose "Grumps" the great minister of affairs have to offer any brave soul who happens to complete.this task, I ask her? "Why " she says "I don't know yet, just bring the finder to court and I shall decide then", she tells me.Infernal women,she,ll make the laughing stock of "The Cobblers" and beyond if I am not careful".
Then seemingly resigned to his task , the raging bull stormed from the court , without another word. "Poor bull" said one "pity him really" said another,"glad I am not minister of affairs" chirped another,and so the muttering continued.long after "Grumps" the bull minister of affairs for Queen Whoop, had departed. This particular court was like that , mundane gossip and tittel tattle, all part of the that kept this glorious kingdom thriving.
Seventy of the realms bravest Knights ,warriors and not so noble gathered in the predawn light of "Cobblers" town sq. Grumps the bull minister for affairs stood atop a reinforced box addressing the ordered volunteers.
"Ladies and gentlemen" he bellowed "it is with great pleasure that I welcome such brave and honourable guests to "Cobblers" and in the name of her majesty Queen Whoops the 1st ,thank you for giving up your valuable time and offering your services in her majesty's hour of need"".Bugger this " the bull thought to himself,as he looked out upon the assembled crowd, "what a farce ".
Regaining his composure the bull continued "the reward befitting such a task will be presented to the lucky..ermm, ,I mean skilful victor by her majesty herself. The minister of affairs paused for dramatic effect before going on "questors I wish each and everyone of you success in your search for the missing 🌽 rock Earrings. In a moment the bell will toll and the quest will begin .May the best of succeed ,ready yourselves."
None of the gathered mass moved or stirred,in fact none of them seemed remotely interested in what "Grumps" had just said.There was an eerie silence,then the bell tolled indicating the quest had begun.
The minister watched as it suddenly dawned on the gathered crowd that they would actually have to do this.One brave fellow near the back,punched his fist into the air and gave a half-hearted high pitched roar of approval and several more began muttering whispered approvals,but most simply shuffled their feet and remained silent.
"Grumps" shook his head ,before taking command of the situation, he growled"It has begun you are dismissed in the Queen's name." Suddenly there was a stirring of movement among the ranks as the gathering ever so slowly started to disperse.
Later in Queen Whoop,s private chamber "Grumps" stood before his Queen and gave his report. "How many of my noble citizens turned up for this very important duty?" she asked. "Oh several hundred at least your majesty"grumps lied easily. "Oh excellent" the Queen chirped"and did they react with much enthusiasm?" she queried, "indeed they did your majesty,the cheering and willingness to assist you in this task, was most encouraging. The excitement was such that it took nearly two hours to clear the square" at least that much was true the bull reminded himself.
The Queen jumped up and down childishly, clapping her hands wildly her voice rising an octave or two as she squeled "see.see, my public love me,its so wonderful that I am loved so..Tee-Hee. Today has started so splendidly"."Grumps" stood perplexed "what a sad pompous woman she is" he thought "self delusion,such a pity".
The very next day Queen Whoop,s sauntered into her regular daily meeting with her advisors and minister's she wore a stunning blue velvet gown,that even made her plump figure look delightful (well better then before let's say).
As the Queen ambled towards them she was flicking her back and turning her head first one way then another, then less the gracefully she pointed at her rather pointed ears ,prompting all to look. Then I. that important duty revered voice she used to such dramatic effect she said"Look,look!.see what I wear,don't they look wonderful " "Grumps the bull looked up from his scrolls of duty and gazed at his Queen.In a gesture of resignation and barely controlled anger he saw she was wearing her 🌽 rock Earrings.
"Gentlemen my delightful 🌽 rock Earrings,are they not beautiful. I found them last night under my bed , some maid must have mislaid them. Minister "Grumps" it is time to call off the quest ,go to it young bull, there's a good fellow". Flushed with embarrassment and deep anger the minister stalked from the chambers.
© All Rights Reserved
This is a bit different from.my previous stories..a humorous series of tales taken from the historical archives of the planet Knob-umps a round world with knobs and bumps in galaxy far far away.
The world of Knob-umps was not really created ,it just kind of appeared ,one moment there was a dark empty space in the vastness of the universe, the next there was Knob-umps floating in all its glory .
There was no fuss,no big bang,not even a fizzle,in fact if you blinked you will have missed it. An oddly shaped planet that was meant to be round but was not. It was certainly not dull, in fact it was remarkably loud in colour, and its inhabitants were even more colourful. Characters that really could only live and exist in the various kingdom's and regions that gave Knob-umps it's substance.
That I am afraid is all their is to tell about how Knob-umps came about. It's habitants and varying creatures and species however now they are a different matter. My biggest problem here however is with whom to begin...now.let me think?.
Chapter One: The Quest for the corn rock Earrings.
"I am all a fluster this morning"Queen Whoop told her advisors "I appear to have lost my 🌽 rock Earrings,stolen I think and they need to be found.I will have Minister "Grumps" arrange a quest commanding the finest fellows in the realm to search for them The winner will receive the most handsome of rewards, as yet undecided,but I am sure I will think of something deserving of such s feat". The clock is ticking minister "Grumps" let the Quest begin on the morrow. With that Queen Whoop rose from her flower embedded throne and left the chamber.The big search was on.
Minister "Grumps' was a bull of a man, that's because he was one, a bull that is and not a man,but such is the play on words when writing. He stood 7ft tall stalking around on two muscular hoofed legs.
His purple coloured ministerial cloak fluttered comically,as he tried to calm himself enough to concentrate on the task just given to him by his Queen. "Damn" that women he roared "she is just so insufferable at times",speaking to nobody in particular,but anybody who was in earshot,which just happened to be half the court at the time.
"A ruddy quest ,she wants me to order all the brave souls of the realm to search for a pair of Earrings that have the value of an half-eaten jam sour cake without the jam, and what dose "Grumps" the great minister of affairs have to offer any brave soul who happens to complete.this task, I ask her? "Why " she says "I don't know yet, just bring the finder to court and I shall decide then", she tells me.Infernal women,she,ll make the laughing stock of "The Cobblers" and beyond if I am not careful".
Then seemingly resigned to his task , the raging bull stormed from the court , without another word. "Poor bull" said one "pity him really" said another,"glad I am not minister of affairs" chirped another,and so the muttering continued.long after "Grumps" the bull minister of affairs for Queen Whoop, had departed. This particular court was like that , mundane gossip and tittel tattle, all part of the that kept this glorious kingdom thriving.
Seventy of the realms bravest Knights ,warriors and not so noble gathered in the predawn light of "Cobblers" town sq. Grumps the bull minister for affairs stood atop a reinforced box addressing the ordered volunteers.
"Ladies and gentlemen" he bellowed "it is with great pleasure that I welcome such brave and honourable guests to "Cobblers" and in the name of her majesty Queen Whoops the 1st ,thank you for giving up your valuable time and offering your services in her majesty's hour of need"".Bugger this " the bull thought to himself,as he looked out upon the assembled crowd, "what a farce ".
Regaining his composure the bull continued "the reward befitting such a task will be presented to the lucky..ermm, ,I mean skilful victor by her majesty herself. The minister of affairs paused for dramatic effect before going on "questors I wish each and everyone of you success in your search for the missing 🌽 rock Earrings. In a moment the bell will toll and the quest will begin .May the best of succeed ,ready yourselves."
None of the gathered mass moved or stirred,in fact none of them seemed remotely interested in what "Grumps" had just said.There was an eerie silence,then the bell tolled indicating the quest had begun.
The minister watched as it suddenly dawned on the gathered crowd that they would actually have to do this.One brave fellow near the back,punched his fist into the air and gave a half-hearted high pitched roar of approval and several more began muttering whispered approvals,but most simply shuffled their feet and remained silent.
"Grumps" shook his head ,before taking command of the situation, he growled"It has begun you are dismissed in the Queen's name." Suddenly there was a stirring of movement among the ranks as the gathering ever so slowly started to disperse.
Later in Queen Whoop,s private chamber "Grumps" stood before his Queen and gave his report. "How many of my noble citizens turned up for this very important duty?" she asked. "Oh several hundred at least your majesty"grumps lied easily. "Oh excellent" the Queen chirped"and did they react with much enthusiasm?" she queried, "indeed they did your majesty,the cheering and willingness to assist you in this task, was most encouraging. The excitement was such that it took nearly two hours to clear the square" at least that much was true the bull reminded himself.
The Queen jumped up and down childishly, clapping her hands wildly her voice rising an octave or two as she squeled "see.see, my public love me,its so wonderful that I am loved so..Tee-Hee. Today has started so splendidly"."Grumps" stood perplexed "what a sad pompous woman she is" he thought "self delusion,such a pity".
The very next day Queen Whoop,s sauntered into her regular daily meeting with her advisors and minister's she wore a stunning blue velvet gown,that even made her plump figure look delightful (well better then before let's say).
As the Queen ambled towards them she was flicking her back and turning her head first one way then another, then less the gracefully she pointed at her rather pointed ears ,prompting all to look. Then I. that important duty revered voice she used to such dramatic effect she said"Look,look!.see what I wear,don't they look wonderful " "Grumps the bull looked up from his scrolls of duty and gazed at his Queen.In a gesture of resignation and barely controlled anger he saw she was wearing her 🌽 rock Earrings.
"Gentlemen my delightful 🌽 rock Earrings,are they not beautiful. I found them last night under my bed , some maid must have mislaid them. Minister "Grumps" it is time to call off the quest ,go to it young bull, there's a good fellow". Flushed with embarrassment and deep anger the minister stalked from the chambers.
© All Rights Reserved
