If I could go back to the day we met, I would not get out of  bed. I would stay home. I was so happy when I met you. The thought of you being with someone else killed me. I could not imagine it, I did not want to imagine it. I was sure you would never choose anyone over me. After everything I had done for you, I was sure. I trusted you with everything I had. You left. I wish we had never met. I wish I would have died the day you went away. No matter what I said back then you said "I love you so much but I cannot stay". What was the reason? The day was what I had feared for years. It was there and I had wished that it would never come. I never saw you after that. I made the decision to forget you and walk away. It was more harder then anything. The memories started to get hazy, I started to forget you. Years passed and I could not remember how your face looked like. I had deleted and thrown away every picture we had together. I  was successful in forgetting you, but that one day. You came back. You walked back in my life. I wanted you gone. You gave me kisses and hugs, saying things that you knew made me weak. You knew me like you could read my mind. I was scared of you now. I did not love you anymore is what I said you knew it was a great lie. I was scared. I wanted you to be there and not leave me, yet I knew you would love me for years and go again. I said with all my courage, through the tears that never seemed to end I said "I hated you. I hate you. I will hate you" you knew it was a lie once again. I knew you were hurt by those words. You walked away and I cried for hours. Years went away. I wish you knew how much I loved and longed for your love. I knew it was over years ago. I love you but you do not love me the way I love you.
© mika