If I receive respect I will give respect. If you disrespect me I will 9 times out of 10 disrespect you back even harder! That being said I am struggling with people around me not showing me respect. These people are the ones who are supposed to love & care about me, their my family. Perhaps I have been looking at things the wrong way I thought last night as my husband & I were not getting along at all over some disrespect that I felt. Maybe I expect too much from people? After all they are only human & I'm sure all of us reading this know how flawed we humans truly are! I don't really feel that asking for respect for me & my feelings is asking too much, but by the way that some of my people act you'd think I was asking for the moon. So here we are. What I am calling the human element really just means remembering that we are all only human & that humans are flawed & that people are going to disappoint you because well, their only people & most of the time people suck! I guess I crave something & someone who does not exist! I wish that just once in my life I was wrong about most people, but the truth is that I'm not wrong & it hurts! I guess the fault is my own for expecting respect! I feel used, lonely, afraid, pissed off, sad, suicidal, unloveable & like I wish I had the guts that my nephew & cousin had when they took their own lives, but honestly I do not! I'm so tired of being here & so sick & tired of everyone & everything! So maybe looking at this in a different light will help me feel better, help me to get better. I hope!

© Brandi Leigh