I got so much pain inside my soul. Bubbling waters from a boiling pot of gold. Inside this blood I’m streaming to find where things fell apart. Signal gets weaker as I come close to the charts. The doctors determine nothing further to do. Sent you away after you suffering for four full days, and hospice is the place that remains. You pissed on yourself and did number two. No one out to clean up the mess because you were pre-announced already dead. This was before your death bed that had been sent for you. Pushing the issue away because no one else wanted to deal with you. I’m not blaming everybody because not everyone’s the same, but why was it that you got put into with the worst ones at bay. I kept praying and your momma to. That you recover with the word of God because he is the truth. “How could his love and the word have touched you in the slightest way”, I asked myself this because If you’re drying inside out without liquids going in. How exactly can you expect the body not to dry out and still remain.

You suffered with the desease throughout the advance process in its stage of Metastasis, stage terminal, and that was the end. According to medical expertise there wasn’t much left to do. So instead because of insurance issues, it was just easier to get rid of you. I’m hurt and disappointed because the medical system is truly broken. I know doctors don’t necessarily cure, but to many that believe with faith, they put their trust and it’s all worth it. Fool me once, maybe twice but the third time is worthless. The difference with me is and always will be, that I won’t easily be trampled down by the serpent. God almighty has my back, my front and is my shield to protect me in the face of adversity, so I trust and believe he will take care of the ones responsible. I leave my life in his hands and it’s not blind faith when you truly believe because you’re walking in his grace. When it is visible to those who don’t believe, than you know it’s fake. Real people of God know is the mercy of his grace that saves in Jesus name.

Don’t misunderstand me my love I’m not upset with you, but the reality is like many who are in desperate seeking to be saved who are weakend in faith, it’s always easiest to fool when you’re the one dealing with the pain. It upsets me and hurts me in the depth of my soul, I got so much pain, so much more than you’ll know, but it can’t be any worst than the suffering you faced. I remember you once told me, “I don’t wish this on anybody because this is truly demonic pain”. In other words, it’s not of Gods doing, but he allows for it to happen. So you prove your obedience and faith, and know Jesus is the true messiah, the real prophet. Through Jesus his son he heals, but not everyone will be saved. I was just hoping this time around babe it would’ve been you to be saved. I guess God had other plans for you so he sent you to heaven at 43. Young you still were and had many missions incomplete. I got so much pain inside of me, so much pain in my soul. This is still all surreal to me and I just can’t seem to let go.

I ask you lord in Jesus name to make me stronger because alone I just might stumble. I ask for your mercy, for your grace, for forgiveness for my sake. I ask that you keep me in check and never leave my side. I will be lost without you lord and I truly wish to be found. There’s just so much pain in my soul and I’m just trying to reach out. So, thank you lord Jesus for listening to me this day when I needed you the most. 🙏


***R.I.P. Rosa A. Fuentes. Someday we will see one another my love. I will meet up with you in the heavens above. Love always your husband John. Thank you for being apart of my life.

(Thank you all for reading this piece. My wife passed away this afternoon at 3. If you feel it in your heart to donate even one dollar. The link will be in my Instagram BIO. Follow my IG : @johnnycigars_writesnreviews
Thanks again everyone.

© Johnny Cigars