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the 3rd of August
Here i sit alone in public. I'm surrounded by sounds of joy and smiling faces. Their laughter echos through my hollow exterior. I tell myself that everything will work out before i am reminded of how many times i have told myself this before. Their excitement peeks my interest but does nothing for the little curiosity i possess. I am in the moment, or at least i am convincing myself that i am. Maybe i need to be. Maybe I'm just lost in these words. Perhaps i am absent afterall. I let out a sigh. Just a deep breath here and there to get through each day. It's all a blur anyway, besides the crisp clear image of my self proclaimed failures and faults. I thirst but feel no need to drink. I'm hungry without desire to eat. How can one be too tired to sleep?
I don't intend to be this way. I never have. I've always depended on the kindness of strangers because i fear being around my few friends.
Things seem to go as fast as they appear nowadays. If it isn't me, then who? Then what? I cannot blame others for my lack of connection. I tried a new way. I did everything right. I felt it. Then i felt that I hadn't done everything right and sunk into struggle of answering what i did wrong. If it's their loss, why do i feel anything towards it?
The moon, full and pink, stares back at me without a care in the world. How wonderful it would be to just not feel anymore.
I wish i could make it stop. With gain came loss. Everything i have to be proud of cuts me the deepest. I find myself in progress. There are factors i cannot deny. Maybe i deserve this as back payback. Maybe this is all a lesson. This very well could be for nothing and i have to manage to make it something.
Trapped in negativity. I guess you could call it "hard wiring." The moon has faded out. I suppose it noticed me watching. Can beauty possibly be infinite and ever lasting?
I will soon fall deeper, and if not careful, i will feel nothing. This does not strike fear into my hollow exterior.
As i pay more attention to my surroundings, all of their joy and excitement now sounds like they're laughing at me.
Just like the moon, i make a quiet exit.
© All Rights Reserved
I don't intend to be this way. I never have. I've always depended on the kindness of strangers because i fear being around my few friends.
Things seem to go as fast as they appear nowadays. If it isn't me, then who? Then what? I cannot blame others for my lack of connection. I tried a new way. I did everything right. I felt it. Then i felt that I hadn't done everything right and sunk into struggle of answering what i did wrong. If it's their loss, why do i feel anything towards it?
The moon, full and pink, stares back at me without a care in the world. How wonderful it would be to just not feel anymore.
I wish i could make it stop. With gain came loss. Everything i have to be proud of cuts me the deepest. I find myself in progress. There are factors i cannot deny. Maybe i deserve this as back payback. Maybe this is all a lesson. This very well could be for nothing and i have to manage to make it something.
Trapped in negativity. I guess you could call it "hard wiring." The moon has faded out. I suppose it noticed me watching. Can beauty possibly be infinite and ever lasting?
I will soon fall deeper, and if not careful, i will feel nothing. This does not strike fear into my hollow exterior.
As i pay more attention to my surroundings, all of their joy and excitement now sounds like they're laughing at me.
Just like the moon, i make a quiet exit.
© All Rights Reserved
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