FEELING IN MY HEART…..

I’m trapped in my life, I’m not sure of myself making errors
anymore! It is quite confusing! I’m supposed to be lighted being the
child of God. I am sitting pondering of all that I have been through in
this world that seems to be unsatisfactory at times! Confusion is not of
my Father in Heaven, yet I am tried to the flesh that lies beneath my
skin. I am feeling quite unworthy, pathetic, sorry and less than. I know
that feeling this way is not ordinary at all so on the contrary I can’t help
but feel as if I am not getting things right! I am a child of God with
confidence, strong minded, yet have a loving spirit. I am compelled to
seek what is it that I am not grasping in the sense of love. Although, I
feel that I truly love when loving my life partner, apparently there is a
judgement to me of being some type of way!

I know who I am, I am not an individual who gets flattery over
anyone’s demise or their feelings. I am not one who enjoys anyone’s
pain or their sadness. I do not feel any animosity towards loving one
even when being treated with cruelty. I must grasp the concept of
feeling in general. I am at fault for taking feelings for granted. Also not
being sensitive to feelings. I am guilty for my wrongs and the thoughts

that pass my way. Help me, understand! I command to be the most
loving, generous, spiritual uplifting individual to the one I love! I am lost
in my mind at times, the mirage of the scenery is quite cloudy I’m trying
to see but my mind tries hard to get the best of me! I knew from my
early days that I was a bit challenging, never in my wildest dreams did I
anticipate my confusion of knowing how to treat the love of my life. I
have been crushed, demolished, disintegrated to a point of no
repairing! But I thank God for my wife, who still has a bit of faith in me,
not maybe I still have a chance in this world to actually obtain TRUE
LOVE here in this world. Suddenly my glimpse into the future seems to
be worth living for and fighting to keep! Cruelty, hate, and awry
emotions are those that I hope to not encounter but with my
unexplained reactions left me to encounter them. Be little me, curse
me, but please be kind! For my heart is just as fragile as anyone else.

My exterior is rough around the edges
Swords piercing and passing through my heart
I am not the gentle spirit
I’ve done wrong from the start

There are many things I am wrong to have done
Breaking, harming not understanding how fragile you are
Has left me to realize, the error is more than one
I feel regret for sure and long to clear that bar

I am hopeful in rising to my peek
Understanding, compassion, loyal love is what I seek
To be one with yourself is to be complete
I must come to know my actions are to be retreat

I am seeking to be of better quality
The mere thought of my flaws brings me to reality
I am with the one and only who really loves me
Grant me the blessing of loving back and help me see
It is uncommon for me to be hateful and hurt anyone by choice
All I know is to be kind and praise to rejoice
Days are short and time can’t turn back
I must know now that I simply can’t slack

I have been judged for things I feel and say
Please God don’t leave me astray
I am grateful for my loving wife
My Goddess, my love I made my life….

© rainbowprince