06/21/2012 This is to you Saya. By now, I'm a man and hopefully preparing myself to be the best father in the world. I've always loved the name Saya, never could get it out of my mind. When I was a kid, I told my first love this "Once we get married! Our first daughter will be named... Saya! No ands' ifs' or buts." I needed your name to be that because the sound and the meaning of it brought me a smile each time. In some languages your name means shadow or light. Both worlds have great beauty in them and I have no doubt that your beauty will challenge my ideas of beauty. I hope that you'll feel confident to tell me everything. I want to be an accepting father, I do not care if you're a lesbian or even want to become something more than yourself. All I desire is your smile, your happiness and to see you grow into an amazing person. 06/21/2015 Hey Saya by now, I've prepared myself mentally, the idea of having a daughter. It terrifies me, but this fear is a liar. I know I would never become evil or hurt someone, I've learned that hurting someone physically or psychologically breaks your heart. Tears it completely where not even your sanity is left, only a person standing from the outside while they watch those they love just fall apart. I wish to confide in someone, but my words never reach them. I hope to confide in you and your mother, to share my lifes' pains and my lowest moments. I may be 15 now, but you wouldn't understand until I show you my scars, telling the stories and to tell you the lessons I've learn. I do not want you to fall into the darkness that I've fallen into. Saya... the idea of your smile gets me through the hardest of times. I will do my best to make sure you enter this world. 06/21/2017 Saya... time feels so slow, yet fast. I do not understand where my time went and yet I just wasted my days not planning for my future. By now, I'm lost. I know my dream, my goals and aspirations. But, I lost myself. Saya, I want to become an astronaut. Saya, I want to help people. Saya, I want to learn all about finance. It's my birthday, just turned 17. I'm excited about my 18th birthday because then I can start investing and planning my school future. I'm lost though. I wish to meet your mother, but I'm scared to search for a partner. Saya, I think I'm afraid of rejection or maybe it's something deeper. You know Saya, today I found out your middle name. Your full name will be Saya Stacia Harrold. Though, I thought about your middle name being Alea, but that'll be your sisters' name. This fires me up... I'll keep doing my best for you two. 06/21/2019 Hey Saya, by now I'm investing, it's for our future. Both your futures, Saya and Alea. Such beautiful names, I'm smiling more now, yeah I may be alone right now; but that won't stop me from achieving my goals. I'm still lost though, I feel like I'm not doing enough, so lately I've been exhausted with work, school, finance and helping your grandma out. Ooo... Azalia. Alea Azalia Harrold, ugh! Such amazing names, I'll work harder now. Though, it's hard when you feel alone, maybe I ain't really alone. Yeah, I guess lying to myself helps. I know a woman can't love me now, because I'm too invested in my goals. I wouldn't be able to give her attention nor would I be able to give her... sex. I won't give a woman that until we're married. I realized that it will take longer for both of you to come into this world. I want to know her fully before I give her my soul, I'll give my girlfriend my heart, but my soul will only be given to my wife. Maybe that's why I'm alone.
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