I'm having one of those days where I am doing relatively well, and then a split-second later, I actually turn around and run smack-dab into loneliness, sorrow, and pain.

I mentally kick myself for allowing these feelings to break through the barrier of defenses that I have worked so diligently to build.

Yet, it's of no consequence. Somehow, these feelings hold a wealth of artillery to slither in and lay down an assault and obliterate me.

I take stock and realize that once again, I have idiotically laid down my blazing arms, bolted down and locked up my arsenal, and dropped all of my defenses.

I have no one else to blame but, myself. I can't walk through life carefree in naivete. I can't, for one brief moment, believe that I have won the war, for I have only succeeded in an insignificant number of battles.

I must remind myself that this war that rages against me will not be over until my body lay cold in the ground and my spirit is free.

d. nelson 07/05/2020
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