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Chapter 1: A note to Self
I've wondered if Life is worth living; If we wander at times without feeling.
Ignoring the sounds of bird's singing,
for the music that helps me stop thinking.
What is Life without feeling?
What is sight without seeking?
What is sleep without dreaming?
What is Love without meaning?
(It stands to reason that the only possible answer is, Emptiness.)
"Life for me ain't been no Crystal staircase..." - (From Mother to Son)
This poem manifested when I was in 8th grade, it quickly became more relevant as I learn to live life. Indeed, life is no divine escalator nor did it start with any relevance of stability that warrants an easy climb, upwards. Though life is a struggle the triumph of overcoming it is a blessing in itself. It would be too easy to start off on the right foot, bare foot bound twords Crystal steps. The plummet twords rock bottom, where everything eventually falls, would've been an entirely different experience than having started from Hell already. To overcome this my aim became High and True twords the pinhole way above that sheds but a few rays of light.
Simple is never the case, too much effort can collapse a castle of cards, too little effort can collapse an actual kingdom. Is it truly more difficult to rule oneself than a kingdom??
Call it what you will, Karma came in many forms. Whether my elements be positive or negative is irrelevant, reality is both and I too am made of the same stuff. However, should I honor my darkness as I do my brightness? A conundrum beats deep within the depths of where I yet to venture within... but how deep have I gone under already?? Skeletons ontop of skeletons, my memories shake me to the bone. Still I keep them under my skin, so when I come across those familiar vibes again I'll understand why certain Shadows crawl beneath my skin.
I don't wish to view any part of myself or my experiences as ultimately "Good" or "Bad" because without either the whole wouldn't necessarily be whole, I feel as though it's all part of the human experience. I seek wholeness, yet this implies I am fractured and that seems to be truth, to some degree, at an internal level of analysis.
Only the dead eyed and cold hearted swindlers, those who have already pawned away their souls, would sell you a half lie as a whole truth.
I would be lieing to myself If I believed life would be better without this suffering. This beast that crushed me repeatedly into submission, overtime, steadily becoming easily carried apon these shoulders.
My motto, "Without my worst nights I wouldn't know my best days until after they've gone." Something similar was said to me by an older relative of mine, my Great Grandpa Koop. As of that time, that simple yet profound perspective reached me when I thought my soul too lost to be found.
Not that I believe everything happens for a reason, but because there is reason behind everything that happens. Subsequently, I find there are two concepts I must distinguish, as Carl Jung put it, "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and Nonsense, not right and wrong.".
Perhaps it is through lenses where we find the significants of life and it's impact on individual consciousness, yet one can read into anything too much or simply never enough. Same goes for madness I suppose, safe not to dwell on anything for more than a day, but if said things takes up a few hours of your day, everyday, how can one escape the loop? I find a spiral is necessary in order to find better loops, but the loop cannot be escaped. It's a primordial, primary function we call habit and we slowly become what we consistently do, not what we know, or who we think we are... it is in what you DO combined with the integrity of your words that inevitably forms one's individual reality. Unfortunate for those who have spectacularly intricate inner worlds of infinite beauty as abundant as its complexity, subsequently, hindering one's...
Ignoring the sounds of bird's singing,
for the music that helps me stop thinking.
What is Life without feeling?
What is sight without seeking?
What is sleep without dreaming?
What is Love without meaning?
(It stands to reason that the only possible answer is, Emptiness.)
"Life for me ain't been no Crystal staircase..." - (From Mother to Son)
This poem manifested when I was in 8th grade, it quickly became more relevant as I learn to live life. Indeed, life is no divine escalator nor did it start with any relevance of stability that warrants an easy climb, upwards. Though life is a struggle the triumph of overcoming it is a blessing in itself. It would be too easy to start off on the right foot, bare foot bound twords Crystal steps. The plummet twords rock bottom, where everything eventually falls, would've been an entirely different experience than having started from Hell already. To overcome this my aim became High and True twords the pinhole way above that sheds but a few rays of light.
Simple is never the case, too much effort can collapse a castle of cards, too little effort can collapse an actual kingdom. Is it truly more difficult to rule oneself than a kingdom??
Call it what you will, Karma came in many forms. Whether my elements be positive or negative is irrelevant, reality is both and I too am made of the same stuff. However, should I honor my darkness as I do my brightness? A conundrum beats deep within the depths of where I yet to venture within... but how deep have I gone under already?? Skeletons ontop of skeletons, my memories shake me to the bone. Still I keep them under my skin, so when I come across those familiar vibes again I'll understand why certain Shadows crawl beneath my skin.
I don't wish to view any part of myself or my experiences as ultimately "Good" or "Bad" because without either the whole wouldn't necessarily be whole, I feel as though it's all part of the human experience. I seek wholeness, yet this implies I am fractured and that seems to be truth, to some degree, at an internal level of analysis.
Only the dead eyed and cold hearted swindlers, those who have already pawned away their souls, would sell you a half lie as a whole truth.
I would be lieing to myself If I believed life would be better without this suffering. This beast that crushed me repeatedly into submission, overtime, steadily becoming easily carried apon these shoulders.
My motto, "Without my worst nights I wouldn't know my best days until after they've gone." Something similar was said to me by an older relative of mine, my Great Grandpa Koop. As of that time, that simple yet profound perspective reached me when I thought my soul too lost to be found.
Not that I believe everything happens for a reason, but because there is reason behind everything that happens. Subsequently, I find there are two concepts I must distinguish, as Carl Jung put it, "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and Nonsense, not right and wrong.".
Perhaps it is through lenses where we find the significants of life and it's impact on individual consciousness, yet one can read into anything too much or simply never enough. Same goes for madness I suppose, safe not to dwell on anything for more than a day, but if said things takes up a few hours of your day, everyday, how can one escape the loop? I find a spiral is necessary in order to find better loops, but the loop cannot be escaped. It's a primordial, primary function we call habit and we slowly become what we consistently do, not what we know, or who we think we are... it is in what you DO combined with the integrity of your words that inevitably forms one's individual reality. Unfortunate for those who have spectacularly intricate inner worlds of infinite beauty as abundant as its complexity, subsequently, hindering one's...
