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challenge excepted
#WritcoStoryPrompt60
Was there a point in your life that you wanted to stop, quit, and leave everything behind just to disappear to the point of changing and hiding your identity?
Oh my God, yaass! like every day since this year 2021 began! I mean maybe it's just me but if I were to tell you every little detail I feel y'all would think me crazy. shii, I think myself crazy, but at this point I really could give a fuck less lol. this year has been in turmoil, I thought I had worse years growing up? this by far engolfs the cake. You go from knowing many people in a small town to many people knowing you and you know not what for. Weather good or bad notions in their heads, every person that looks to you seems to know something you don't. and I realized this year that not knowing what people know about you is got to be my greatest pet peave. I had one individual that I didn't even know, get of the city bus and complement me. Stop me dead in my tracks as he was getting off the bus and I was waiting to the side to get on. He looked me dead in my eyes(and I was certain there was none else he was talking to) and said "You're a good man." I looked confused glancing behind me to see if there might be someone else he may have been referring to but, no. I look back at him befuddled, both of us with our covid masks on and I said cautiously, "uh, thanks?" with a firm hand shake, he patted the side of my arm and proceeded off the bus and down the side walk. For a few seconds I watched him confused hopping this stranger would look back and inform me what that awkward moment was all about. I was certain I hadn't met this guy... that whole day i kept trying to replay my memory to try and figure out if he was someone I knew. with a breakup I had gone through it seemed as though everyone had watched my relationship as though it was a reality tv show and I was the only one that was left in the shadows. Not all these encounters were observable to the public and not all that I had experienced had been whip cream and lottaes I tell you, some of the instences just seemed as though people hated my guts. as though I was identified as a serial killer or some sort of sick rapist. every street I walked down it seemed as though people were watching, following, and whispering analogies and metaphors to each other the moment I was spotted so to not let me know it was I they were referin to. Honestly lately it's been giving me anxiety and sometimes noxious feeling being in public. Normally I'm a charismatic guy, always smiling and willing to talk to anyone that was willing to listen or conversate. Trusting anyone and any notion willingly with no thought to it because I was raised to give people the benefit of the doubt until given a reason otherwise. But when your gut feeling tells you that this person or that person knows something about what's going on and it may pretain to you, yet give you no insight?? Your 'give-chance-and-Trust-anyone' motto begins to receed like a tortoise's neck inside it's shell as if danger was sensed. even talking to people I once trusted and new for years about what's transpired has been a big NO NO. there is a sense that almost everyone in the town knows of you or your deeds so you become wiery and start correcting mistakes as if judgement day was coming and you're just hopeing God sees that YOU see your wrongs and have taken it upon yourself to correct them before it's too late. In all the fuckary, you've been exposed to the preverbial kryptonite and your faccad of immortality has been shattered and you shutter for people see that you are now just a mere mortal like everyone else. But this change in my perspective has been a blessing for now feeling like I've been doing more good than bad; it can be a lesson to those who witness, realizing that they too, seeing the feeling it gives me, can do good deeds as well regardless of the negative energy being directed towards them. though now, seemingly a positive model for change this spotlight isn't what I wanted. and I would do anything to get out of it and be in my own world again with the love of my life away from prying eyes and ears taking worry off my mind of possible confrontations and or altercations, always of petty matters. Wasting my valuable time and energy to always have to defuse or be the mediator between two or more parties. Not that it's a bad spot to be in but BEing in that spot has taken my attention away from enjoyment of the beauty of life and it's Moments with my love.
To start a new life somewhere far and change identities would be better than winning a jackpot lottery or being granted access to the mot secure and confidential place on the planet I kid you not. I talk less, I laugh less, I doubt my actions or words for fear of them being the wrong choice, I now even try less to procrastinate about things I say I will do for fear of it all turning against me. Every step and every turn is second guessed where as before, there was no opposing thoughts to occur. Confidence, being my motor of motivation, now is bent and broken as though an old engine amongst the modern age of electric motors. I put put around cautiously and hoping to be let in on the majorities secret society. Every lonely moment is my thoughts racing in Albert Einstein's thought experiments to determine an escape or solution to my stress. only when my love talks to me do I forget the problems of the day and focus on her words. maybe it's this COVID-19 virus, maybe it's the drugs, or medications, maybe it's a force in the shadows, maybe it's witchcraft or voodoo of an old spiteful girlfriend trying to exact vengeance..or maybe..it's just my mind over thinking getting little sleep afraid of nightmares because they begin to feel so real. Maybe it's just reality, or a dream...regardless I often find myself praying for a way out and it just be peace and assurance in my mind.
just..
© Human
Was there a point in your life that you wanted to stop, quit, and leave everything behind just to disappear to the point of changing and hiding your identity?
Oh my God, yaass! like every day since this year 2021 began! I mean maybe it's just me but if I were to tell you every little detail I feel y'all would think me crazy. shii, I think myself crazy, but at this point I really could give a fuck less lol. this year has been in turmoil, I thought I had worse years growing up? this by far engolfs the cake. You go from knowing many people in a small town to many people knowing you and you know not what for. Weather good or bad notions in their heads, every person that looks to you seems to know something you don't. and I realized this year that not knowing what people know about you is got to be my greatest pet peave. I had one individual that I didn't even know, get of the city bus and complement me. Stop me dead in my tracks as he was getting off the bus and I was waiting to the side to get on. He looked me dead in my eyes(and I was certain there was none else he was talking to) and said "You're a good man." I looked confused glancing behind me to see if there might be someone else he may have been referring to but, no. I look back at him befuddled, both of us with our covid masks on and I said cautiously, "uh, thanks?" with a firm hand shake, he patted the side of my arm and proceeded off the bus and down the side walk. For a few seconds I watched him confused hopping this stranger would look back and inform me what that awkward moment was all about. I was certain I hadn't met this guy... that whole day i kept trying to replay my memory to try and figure out if he was someone I knew. with a breakup I had gone through it seemed as though everyone had watched my relationship as though it was a reality tv show and I was the only one that was left in the shadows. Not all these encounters were observable to the public and not all that I had experienced had been whip cream and lottaes I tell you, some of the instences just seemed as though people hated my guts. as though I was identified as a serial killer or some sort of sick rapist. every street I walked down it seemed as though people were watching, following, and whispering analogies and metaphors to each other the moment I was spotted so to not let me know it was I they were referin to. Honestly lately it's been giving me anxiety and sometimes noxious feeling being in public. Normally I'm a charismatic guy, always smiling and willing to talk to anyone that was willing to listen or conversate. Trusting anyone and any notion willingly with no thought to it because I was raised to give people the benefit of the doubt until given a reason otherwise. But when your gut feeling tells you that this person or that person knows something about what's going on and it may pretain to you, yet give you no insight?? Your 'give-chance-and-Trust-anyone' motto begins to receed like a tortoise's neck inside it's shell as if danger was sensed. even talking to people I once trusted and new for years about what's transpired has been a big NO NO. there is a sense that almost everyone in the town knows of you or your deeds so you become wiery and start correcting mistakes as if judgement day was coming and you're just hopeing God sees that YOU see your wrongs and have taken it upon yourself to correct them before it's too late. In all the fuckary, you've been exposed to the preverbial kryptonite and your faccad of immortality has been shattered and you shutter for people see that you are now just a mere mortal like everyone else. But this change in my perspective has been a blessing for now feeling like I've been doing more good than bad; it can be a lesson to those who witness, realizing that they too, seeing the feeling it gives me, can do good deeds as well regardless of the negative energy being directed towards them. though now, seemingly a positive model for change this spotlight isn't what I wanted. and I would do anything to get out of it and be in my own world again with the love of my life away from prying eyes and ears taking worry off my mind of possible confrontations and or altercations, always of petty matters. Wasting my valuable time and energy to always have to defuse or be the mediator between two or more parties. Not that it's a bad spot to be in but BEing in that spot has taken my attention away from enjoyment of the beauty of life and it's Moments with my love.
To start a new life somewhere far and change identities would be better than winning a jackpot lottery or being granted access to the mot secure and confidential place on the planet I kid you not. I talk less, I laugh less, I doubt my actions or words for fear of them being the wrong choice, I now even try less to procrastinate about things I say I will do for fear of it all turning against me. Every step and every turn is second guessed where as before, there was no opposing thoughts to occur. Confidence, being my motor of motivation, now is bent and broken as though an old engine amongst the modern age of electric motors. I put put around cautiously and hoping to be let in on the majorities secret society. Every lonely moment is my thoughts racing in Albert Einstein's thought experiments to determine an escape or solution to my stress. only when my love talks to me do I forget the problems of the day and focus on her words. maybe it's this COVID-19 virus, maybe it's the drugs, or medications, maybe it's a force in the shadows, maybe it's witchcraft or voodoo of an old spiteful girlfriend trying to exact vengeance..or maybe..it's just my mind over thinking getting little sleep afraid of nightmares because they begin to feel so real. Maybe it's just reality, or a dream...regardless I often find myself praying for a way out and it just be peace and assurance in my mind.
just..
© Human
