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Afraid To Trust
Afraid To Trust
Let’s Be Real
Let’s be honest…
Nobody is ever “happy” about therapy or counseling. When we experience trauma of any kind someone almost always recommends “talking to someone”. My honest opinion or thoughts on that may be different than most people. Yes I have been to therapy on more than one occasion. Yes this person may have went to school and got certified to help people in that way; but how can this person truly help me if they don’t personally understand what I’ve been through or experienced. So I’m finally sharing my story in hopes of helping someone, anyone who can relate. If your judgemential please don’t read my story. If you have ever been through something traumatic, felt like giving up, asked yourself “will I ever be enough” or “will I ever be good enough” then please read and know that SOMEONE does understand.
Now no one person can ever 100% fully understand how you feel even if they have been through the EXACT same situation; because every single person IS their own person with their own feelings and reactions. We may understand what each other has been through and can relate but no 2 people have the EXACT same feelings and thoughts. So never say to someone I know or understand “exactly” how you feel. Instead try saying “I can relate” or “I understand what that is like” always be supportive of each other because you never know when that ONE person that can actually relate to our situation might be put in your life and sometimes that one person may be what saves our lives.
I am a 32 year old mother of 3 on my second marriage. Not to bad compared to some but let me tell you what it took to get where I’m at today.
In The Beginning
“You missed” is what I remember saying when I was 4 years old as we played in the snow outside our trailer. I remember bedtime stories, playing Duck Hunter on the super Nintendo, watching Darkwing Duck and Bonkers, my very 1st cat that you got me even though you hated cats. The best was learning to ride my bike with no training wheels.
You were the 1st dad I knew. You were the only dad I knew at that time. I remember getting in trouble and having to stand in the corner. I remember how I never got my butt whooped unless I really deserved it; like when I played with fire one time, I got my whooped and my FAVORITE baby doll taken away. You were the best daddy a little girl could ask for.
I also remember you hitting my mom as I sit and watched feeling helpless as she asked me for a rag just to wipe the blood off her face; and you yelled at me not to get her anything. I remember feeling so confused and scared.
I’m not sure how old I was but I remember us leaving and not understanding why or what was going on. We moved to grandma and grandpa’s; where shortly after my kitty ran away so I lost everything good and fun I had known up till that point. I had to switch schools, move homes, make new friends, and the worst part was not having my daddy there anymore. Of course I was ONLY 4 so I bounced back pretty quickly because well 4 year olds still have a pretty short memory and attention span.
Meeting New People
We were at aunt M’s house one day visiting because we did that every single day. We would go on walks together everywhere. My and D found a nest of baby bunnies in the church parking lot on one of our walks. We were visiting and someone knocked on the door and I was told to get under the table and not to come out until you said. I just remember it was a guy that came in but that was it. I was in 1st grade with a boy named R. We hung out on the bus and in class we were friends. One day that guy came into my class for R's bday and we learned we were brother and sister.
I didn’t actually meet him until I was 11 years old. I talked to him on the phone and remember him telling me a promising me he would come visit and I always waited but he never came. I met my ONLY older brother M when I was 11 as well I just remember how much I cried that day. I had been the older sibling my entire life and now I don’t have to be for a minute because M is my older sibling. I felt an instant attachment and was so grateful. Every time something bad or sad happens in my life he’s the 1st person I want to talk to. I don’t actually get to talk to him much though because I don’t want to bother him because he has a life and relationship of his own with their own problems to worry about. My husband wants to move away from Indiana so badly; what he doesn’t realize is that if I was...
Let’s Be Real
Let’s be honest…
Nobody is ever “happy” about therapy or counseling. When we experience trauma of any kind someone almost always recommends “talking to someone”. My honest opinion or thoughts on that may be different than most people. Yes I have been to therapy on more than one occasion. Yes this person may have went to school and got certified to help people in that way; but how can this person truly help me if they don’t personally understand what I’ve been through or experienced. So I’m finally sharing my story in hopes of helping someone, anyone who can relate. If your judgemential please don’t read my story. If you have ever been through something traumatic, felt like giving up, asked yourself “will I ever be enough” or “will I ever be good enough” then please read and know that SOMEONE does understand.
Now no one person can ever 100% fully understand how you feel even if they have been through the EXACT same situation; because every single person IS their own person with their own feelings and reactions. We may understand what each other has been through and can relate but no 2 people have the EXACT same feelings and thoughts. So never say to someone I know or understand “exactly” how you feel. Instead try saying “I can relate” or “I understand what that is like” always be supportive of each other because you never know when that ONE person that can actually relate to our situation might be put in your life and sometimes that one person may be what saves our lives.
I am a 32 year old mother of 3 on my second marriage. Not to bad compared to some but let me tell you what it took to get where I’m at today.
In The Beginning
“You missed” is what I remember saying when I was 4 years old as we played in the snow outside our trailer. I remember bedtime stories, playing Duck Hunter on the super Nintendo, watching Darkwing Duck and Bonkers, my very 1st cat that you got me even though you hated cats. The best was learning to ride my bike with no training wheels.
You were the 1st dad I knew. You were the only dad I knew at that time. I remember getting in trouble and having to stand in the corner. I remember how I never got my butt whooped unless I really deserved it; like when I played with fire one time, I got my whooped and my FAVORITE baby doll taken away. You were the best daddy a little girl could ask for.
I also remember you hitting my mom as I sit and watched feeling helpless as she asked me for a rag just to wipe the blood off her face; and you yelled at me not to get her anything. I remember feeling so confused and scared.
I’m not sure how old I was but I remember us leaving and not understanding why or what was going on. We moved to grandma and grandpa’s; where shortly after my kitty ran away so I lost everything good and fun I had known up till that point. I had to switch schools, move homes, make new friends, and the worst part was not having my daddy there anymore. Of course I was ONLY 4 so I bounced back pretty quickly because well 4 year olds still have a pretty short memory and attention span.
Meeting New People
We were at aunt M’s house one day visiting because we did that every single day. We would go on walks together everywhere. My and D found a nest of baby bunnies in the church parking lot on one of our walks. We were visiting and someone knocked on the door and I was told to get under the table and not to come out until you said. I just remember it was a guy that came in but that was it. I was in 1st grade with a boy named R. We hung out on the bus and in class we were friends. One day that guy came into my class for R's bday and we learned we were brother and sister.
I didn’t actually meet him until I was 11 years old. I talked to him on the phone and remember him telling me a promising me he would come visit and I always waited but he never came. I met my ONLY older brother M when I was 11 as well I just remember how much I cried that day. I had been the older sibling my entire life and now I don’t have to be for a minute because M is my older sibling. I felt an instant attachment and was so grateful. Every time something bad or sad happens in my life he’s the 1st person I want to talk to. I don’t actually get to talk to him much though because I don’t want to bother him because he has a life and relationship of his own with their own problems to worry about. My husband wants to move away from Indiana so badly; what he doesn’t realize is that if I was...
