Sometimes I feel like...there are two of me...inside of me, and they are completely the opposite, the first me wants me to be good, behave well and do all my efforts, she believes in me and support me to run after my dreams, she believes that I can change my world to a less brutal one, that I can buy a cute horse and ride it under the rain in the arms of nature and then I set him free, but the second me...colours that horse black, in fact she colours my whole world black, it breaks all the walls of hopes that my good me had built, she keeps pushing me to give up, she keeps pushing me to do all the naughty things, they are like two forces fighting in the deepest bottom of my heart, the first lights up a candle of hope inside of me and the second kills the light, like a yen and a yan, good and evil, fire and water.
whenever I do a bad thing I feel that weird feeling in my stomach like the good me is begging me to forgive her...because she lost the fight, craving for my pardon by sending butterflies of peace while it's raining tears from my eyes on my little tissue that my grandma gave me before she dies, and I get the message..."I told her to leave your hopeful ambitious spirit alone but she never listens" and the war still on...like a cold deep war between two versions of you...an endless war...I better sleep now before they wake up and start the fight again.
© Titania