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Kintsugi
“Why didn’t you say anything that day?”, she asked. “Why didn’t you?”, he countered. “You know how I was. How I am.”, she responded, looking down. He looked at her, asked hesitantly, “Would you have said yes, if I had, asked you?”. “I would have said yes, before you could finish the question”, she parried. He smiled, continued, “When I saw you at the symposium today, my heart skipped a beat. I had to talk to you”. His words struck her right at the centre of her heart, they lifted her. The gravity of their meaning sunk in, the very fact that they had to be said, was heart breaking. She smiled sadly, “That is how it…”. “What are you guys discussing so seriously?”, Sneha interrupted them. She replied, “We were discussing a hypothetical situation.”. “Which situation?”, Sneha persisted. “If you dropped an ant from the Empire State building, will it die on impact.”, she responded, with a smile. He gave her an amused look. “So will it?”, Sneha asked. “What will?”, he inquired, smile playing at his lips. Sneha asked, impatiently, “The ant. Will it die on impact or survive the fall?”. “I don’t know, you interrupted us before we could reach a consensus”, she replied. Sneha rolled her eyes at them, as they moved to the dining area.
After dinner, he approached her, “Can we take a walk?”. “Why?”, she asked. “We never did finish our conversation.”, he replied. “Even if we had finished our conversation, it would remain unfinished”, she replied. He took her hand in his, “Walk with me, please.”. She looked around to see if anyone had noticed them, “OK, but please let go of my hand, people may be watchingbus.”, as she took her hand out his warm grasp, and immediately, missed the warmth. They walked towards the beach. “Do you think we would have been happy?”, he asked “Of course, my sense of humour would have complimented perfectly with your lack of one”, she quipped. He smiled at her, fondly. “Do you think we would have fought?”, he continued. “Yes, oh yes!”, she said, “I’m rather clingy, you need your space, we would have to really sort that issue out.”. She asked, returning to her initial question. “Why didn’t you say anything to me, on the day we watched the movie?”. He was quiet for a while, “I was scared. I didn’t know if I wanted to commit to a relationship at that point. We were so young…”. “I wanted to kiss you that day. But I was scared.”, she said. “No more than I. You looked so innocent, so kissable. So shy, but I couldn’t because I didn’t want to lead you on. I didn’t know what I wanted. Such a fool, I was.”, he said, shaking his head at the memory. They walked on the sand for some more time, the gentle waves kissing their feet, companionable silence hung between them. “it’s getting late, maybe we should head back”, she finally said. “Why?”, he asked. “People will miss us.”, she replied. ‘Do you care?”, he asked. “No, it doesn’t affect me, but then I don’t stay in this city. You do.”, she smiled at him. “Please give me this night. I don’t mean it in that way! Spend it with me, talking”, he said, while reaching for her hand. Her thoughts were all over, and against her better judgement, she nodded. They continued to walk the length of the beach, talking, laughing. They spent the entire night, walking down the memory lane, while walking on the beach. They laughed at the old memories, fought over the movies they loved, the books she poured over, crying when the regret was intolerable. As the night became darker, at one point, tired, she found herself, sitting against a rock, with her head on his shoulders, his arm around her. She sighed, it felt good, it felt right. He kissed her forehead. They spoke some more, their fingers entwined, their feet entangled. He kissed her fingers, “Do you still play footsie at the dinner table?”, she asked, remembering. “No, it was only with you.”, he replied. Their continuous conversation was all very chaste, and silence punctuated it several times. When both of them were lost in thoughts. The breeze whispered gently, around them, as if it were hesitant to disturb them. When the sun forced its presence upon them, they had to acknowledge it, acknowledge reality. On their way back, just before they reached their hotel, he asked her,” May I kiss you?”. She looked at him, misty eyed, nodded. Their lips met for a brief heart throbbing moment. His lips, soft, unfamiliar – yet familiar against hers. They parted much too soon. She touched her lips, with her finger. “Do you think we will ever meet again”, he asked. Thousands of thoughts rushed in to her mind, so many words scrambling all over themselves to be spoken, to be heard – but she held them back. “Possible, but it seems unlikely. Take care, my love. Reality awaits us. Good bye.”, she smiled at him, while sadness enveloped her. They turned in separate directions, just like an equation that never found its solution. The two sides of a rainbow, that gives so much joy from any angle, together, yet never destined to meet. She put her head down as she entered her room, and she thought, “What is the word the Japanese use, when they fix their broken crockery? Ah yes! Kintsugi”. Her heart felt broken, it was broken, with wide fissures all over, but this chance meeting with him, gave her heart a chance, though still broken, somehow put itself together. The time they spent together was like the sap the Japanese use, that joins the broken crockery pieces together, the cracks remain, but it becomes a little easier to breath, when the shards are not piercing one’s heart. And that is how, she felt. “I have been Kintsugi-ed”, she said, as she lay on the bed.
image courtesy- Pinterest
© Natasha Sharma
After dinner, he approached her, “Can we take a walk?”. “Why?”, she asked. “We never did finish our conversation.”, he replied. “Even if we had finished our conversation, it would remain unfinished”, she replied. He took her hand in his, “Walk with me, please.”. She looked around to see if anyone had noticed them, “OK, but please let go of my hand, people may be watchingbus.”, as she took her hand out his warm grasp, and immediately, missed the warmth. They walked towards the beach. “Do you think we would have been happy?”, he asked “Of course, my sense of humour would have complimented perfectly with your lack of one”, she quipped. He smiled at her, fondly. “Do you think we would have fought?”, he continued. “Yes, oh yes!”, she said, “I’m rather clingy, you need your space, we would have to really sort that issue out.”. She asked, returning to her initial question. “Why didn’t you say anything to me, on the day we watched the movie?”. He was quiet for a while, “I was scared. I didn’t know if I wanted to commit to a relationship at that point. We were so young…”. “I wanted to kiss you that day. But I was scared.”, she said. “No more than I. You looked so innocent, so kissable. So shy, but I couldn’t because I didn’t want to lead you on. I didn’t know what I wanted. Such a fool, I was.”, he said, shaking his head at the memory. They walked on the sand for some more time, the gentle waves kissing their feet, companionable silence hung between them. “it’s getting late, maybe we should head back”, she finally said. “Why?”, he asked. “People will miss us.”, she replied. ‘Do you care?”, he asked. “No, it doesn’t affect me, but then I don’t stay in this city. You do.”, she smiled at him. “Please give me this night. I don’t mean it in that way! Spend it with me, talking”, he said, while reaching for her hand. Her thoughts were all over, and against her better judgement, she nodded. They continued to walk the length of the beach, talking, laughing. They spent the entire night, walking down the memory lane, while walking on the beach. They laughed at the old memories, fought over the movies they loved, the books she poured over, crying when the regret was intolerable. As the night became darker, at one point, tired, she found herself, sitting against a rock, with her head on his shoulders, his arm around her. She sighed, it felt good, it felt right. He kissed her forehead. They spoke some more, their fingers entwined, their feet entangled. He kissed her fingers, “Do you still play footsie at the dinner table?”, she asked, remembering. “No, it was only with you.”, he replied. Their continuous conversation was all very chaste, and silence punctuated it several times. When both of them were lost in thoughts. The breeze whispered gently, around them, as if it were hesitant to disturb them. When the sun forced its presence upon them, they had to acknowledge it, acknowledge reality. On their way back, just before they reached their hotel, he asked her,” May I kiss you?”. She looked at him, misty eyed, nodded. Their lips met for a brief heart throbbing moment. His lips, soft, unfamiliar – yet familiar against hers. They parted much too soon. She touched her lips, with her finger. “Do you think we will ever meet again”, he asked. Thousands of thoughts rushed in to her mind, so many words scrambling all over themselves to be spoken, to be heard – but she held them back. “Possible, but it seems unlikely. Take care, my love. Reality awaits us. Good bye.”, she smiled at him, while sadness enveloped her. They turned in separate directions, just like an equation that never found its solution. The two sides of a rainbow, that gives so much joy from any angle, together, yet never destined to meet. She put her head down as she entered her room, and she thought, “What is the word the Japanese use, when they fix their broken crockery? Ah yes! Kintsugi”. Her heart felt broken, it was broken, with wide fissures all over, but this chance meeting with him, gave her heart a chance, though still broken, somehow put itself together. The time they spent together was like the sap the Japanese use, that joins the broken crockery pieces together, the cracks remain, but it becomes a little easier to breath, when the shards are not piercing one’s heart. And that is how, she felt. “I have been Kintsugi-ed”, she said, as she lay on the bed.
image courtesy- Pinterest
© Natasha Sharma
