Fajr
Koran.
Studying.

Same old.
Yet not quite the same.

I was battling the corruption of the day before, polluting my every waking moment, copium threatening to repeat uselosity.

I got a call. The old lady died. She was a well-meaning, good hearted, politically incorrect, zero-fox-given kinda elder, who wore her heart on her sleeve. She was as close to an adoptive grandma as you could get.

Truth be told, I had no idea why she even cared about me, why any them cared at all. Probably has something to do with the fact that for all my uselosity, God loves me and puts love for me in the hearts if the people. It probably also helps that for all my self-perceived social anxiety and awkwardness, I am tend to make enough of an effort to get along, keep it light hearted and make people laugh, and be at ease. Respect is a two-way street, golden rule and all that, I guess. Whatever it is on the social front when it comes to elders, I'm doing it right, I think.

Anyways, Ol' Granny RIP-ed, Inna lillaahi wa Inna ilaihi raji'oon, may Allaah SWT forgive her shortcomings and elevate her status in the aakhirah, and grant her jannat-ul-firdaws, aameen.

Her death should have been enough to jar me awake from the captivity of uselosity, but the day was done before I knew it, goals were nowhere remotely achieved, and I found myself once more aimlessly doomscrolling soul-corrupting copium.

Once again, another great day, full of promise, squandered.

And this too, I shall have to answer for, when I meet my Maker.

20.204.02.14

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