I was browsing my newsfeed when I saw two of my former officemates who got married this December. I watched a video clip of their wedding. I have seen wedding videos before but this is different. I felt a sincere and genuine love. I found myself crying upon watching it. Sudden loneliness haunts me. The emptiness that disguised as happiness appears before me. We were at the same age, but look at me I'm stucked in a complicated relationship. What if I wait a little longer? What if I never tried? What if I asked God for a sign? What if I trust and depend my heart on Him? Will it prevent me from getting hurt? If I follow and obey God, will I finally meet the man for me? Maybe if I start asking then by now I already have an answer.

Just like every women, I always wanted to get marry; to have a husband and children that I can call my own. I'm not on a hurry and I know how to take my time. Being an adult made me think that there's no sense of staying in a relationship without planning to marry that person. And surrounded by single friends and loving family made me secure and it takes away my worries of being alone. It never bothers me until I saw that wedding video.

It gave me the realization of my worth as a woman; that I also deserve that kind of love. It made me set a standards and set aside my old perceptions. It gave me hope that I can love again but next time I will let my heart fall in love with the man I truly deserve. A man who has vested his life to Christ. I will no longer settle for anything less. I will not rely on my own feelings and understanding but rather I will start trusting God. I will wait patiently and faithfully. During the season of waiting, I will use my strength to be a better person and restore my fellowship with Lord that has been lost because of my worldly love and selfishness. I've been hurt but I will never stop loving. I know in time I will love again but for now, I will lay my heart to rest.