4 views
How to fall in love?
#TheWritingProject
One of the or perhaps the only upside of indifference is that people open up to you. They tell you things and secrets that they have never before allowed to escape their confinement but the downsides are dehumanization, fear & distrust. I can't remember how many times I have been mistaken for an emotionless creature or how many times I have been called a poser and my indifference an act instead of a well-practiced character trait but once they have understood that it isn't an act, they would unload everything that haunts them on me.
I have been indifferent for as long as I remember. There is no start that I remember. It just happened. Born and raised in a poor family with limited resources as a kid, it just happened one day. One day I was feeling down thinking about the hardship and occasional mental disrespect my prents has to put up with and just the other day I realized that I couldn't do anything so I just sucked it up and build the walls of indifference. It helped fend off any pain and suffering. With time, this wall became strong and a character trait.
Growing up, I went through life and people silently. Observing and minding my own business. It took me a long time to realize that the silence I put on is a language in itself and almost every person understands it.
5 years back, I befriended a couple. It was the year 2015 and I had just begun working with one of the I.T firms in Gurgaon. He was one of the Managers of the company and she was the HR. They had been together for 4 years now and were one of the best couples there. In fewer than 10 months, we had become "stayed out late and party together" friends.
On one of those days, he invited me over to his apartment to spend the night. His apartment was in one of the newly made buildings and only 2 of the rooms including his had occupants. Leaving the rest of the rooms on his floor empty. I reached his apartment after completing my shift and knocked on his door. She opened the doors and welcomed me to the party. It was her birthday. The apartment was decorated with rose petals. A beautiful cake with some gifts and a champagne bottle was sitting on the table in the middle of the room. There was music in the air.
Although, there were not many people. An old friend of his and the neighborhood couple were the only others. He looked at me looking around and handed me over a beer. I took it off his hands and he got busy talking to the couple. I got busy admiring his house decor. Abruptly, the music came to a halt and we gather around the cake table. She came out of his room draped in red floral Saree. She had the best make-up on her face and was looking different from what she usually looked like. She ramp walked her way to the cake and cut it. We all cheered and he picked a slice of it up to her lips and playfully, shoved it between them. He smeared the remainder of it over her lips. Everyone laughed out loud.
She smiled and picked up another slice of the cake to retaliate but he caught her hand midway. He then looked into her eyes, curled his other hand around her waist, pulled her to his chest, and kissed her. Their kiss lasted for a minute or so but instead of it being a sign of love, it felt startling and forced on her face. People cheered again and she bolted towards the kitchen hiding shame, and uneasiness not blush behind a manufactured smile.
She waited for a few minutes and called him into the kitchen. He heeded her call but not before turning back the music on.
He came back after 15 minutes and asked everyone to join them for dinner. His expression seemed annoyed and they felt distant. Anyways, we set and eat till our bellies were full, and once again we started drinking. By 12:30 am, everyone was pretty drunk. The music had died down and while I and his old friend was busy scrolling social media feeds, I saw them talking to the neighborhood couple. They were standing across the apartment so I couldn't make out what they were talking about? but they were talking intensely so I went back to checking the feeds on phone. As my head knelt and my eyes glued to the screen, I was none existent for a while and was only brought back to existence by the roaring sound of someone being slapped. I raised my head and saw him charging at her violently. Seeing this every one sprung into action except me. Both of his friends restrained his hands and dragged him away from her while I stood there on the other side of the room with no expression whatsoever and sipped one sip after another from my whiskey glass. He was drunker than anyone else in the room and filled with wild rage so they couldn't hold him for long. He freed himself from their hold and ran towards her. He slapped her and then kicked her in her stomach before being pinned down to the floor by his friends. He struggled in their hold for a bit but then calmed down. Unable to predict his behavior in those moments, his friends decided to lock him in his room until the next day so that he sobers up. Somehow, they got him up,...
One of the or perhaps the only upside of indifference is that people open up to you. They tell you things and secrets that they have never before allowed to escape their confinement but the downsides are dehumanization, fear & distrust. I can't remember how many times I have been mistaken for an emotionless creature or how many times I have been called a poser and my indifference an act instead of a well-practiced character trait but once they have understood that it isn't an act, they would unload everything that haunts them on me.
I have been indifferent for as long as I remember. There is no start that I remember. It just happened. Born and raised in a poor family with limited resources as a kid, it just happened one day. One day I was feeling down thinking about the hardship and occasional mental disrespect my prents has to put up with and just the other day I realized that I couldn't do anything so I just sucked it up and build the walls of indifference. It helped fend off any pain and suffering. With time, this wall became strong and a character trait.
Growing up, I went through life and people silently. Observing and minding my own business. It took me a long time to realize that the silence I put on is a language in itself and almost every person understands it.
5 years back, I befriended a couple. It was the year 2015 and I had just begun working with one of the I.T firms in Gurgaon. He was one of the Managers of the company and she was the HR. They had been together for 4 years now and were one of the best couples there. In fewer than 10 months, we had become "stayed out late and party together" friends.
On one of those days, he invited me over to his apartment to spend the night. His apartment was in one of the newly made buildings and only 2 of the rooms including his had occupants. Leaving the rest of the rooms on his floor empty. I reached his apartment after completing my shift and knocked on his door. She opened the doors and welcomed me to the party. It was her birthday. The apartment was decorated with rose petals. A beautiful cake with some gifts and a champagne bottle was sitting on the table in the middle of the room. There was music in the air.
Although, there were not many people. An old friend of his and the neighborhood couple were the only others. He looked at me looking around and handed me over a beer. I took it off his hands and he got busy talking to the couple. I got busy admiring his house decor. Abruptly, the music came to a halt and we gather around the cake table. She came out of his room draped in red floral Saree. She had the best make-up on her face and was looking different from what she usually looked like. She ramp walked her way to the cake and cut it. We all cheered and he picked a slice of it up to her lips and playfully, shoved it between them. He smeared the remainder of it over her lips. Everyone laughed out loud.
She smiled and picked up another slice of the cake to retaliate but he caught her hand midway. He then looked into her eyes, curled his other hand around her waist, pulled her to his chest, and kissed her. Their kiss lasted for a minute or so but instead of it being a sign of love, it felt startling and forced on her face. People cheered again and she bolted towards the kitchen hiding shame, and uneasiness not blush behind a manufactured smile.
She waited for a few minutes and called him into the kitchen. He heeded her call but not before turning back the music on.
He came back after 15 minutes and asked everyone to join them for dinner. His expression seemed annoyed and they felt distant. Anyways, we set and eat till our bellies were full, and once again we started drinking. By 12:30 am, everyone was pretty drunk. The music had died down and while I and his old friend was busy scrolling social media feeds, I saw them talking to the neighborhood couple. They were standing across the apartment so I couldn't make out what they were talking about? but they were talking intensely so I went back to checking the feeds on phone. As my head knelt and my eyes glued to the screen, I was none existent for a while and was only brought back to existence by the roaring sound of someone being slapped. I raised my head and saw him charging at her violently. Seeing this every one sprung into action except me. Both of his friends restrained his hands and dragged him away from her while I stood there on the other side of the room with no expression whatsoever and sipped one sip after another from my whiskey glass. He was drunker than anyone else in the room and filled with wild rage so they couldn't hold him for long. He freed himself from their hold and ran towards her. He slapped her and then kicked her in her stomach before being pinned down to the floor by his friends. He struggled in their hold for a bit but then calmed down. Unable to predict his behavior in those moments, his friends decided to lock him in his room until the next day so that he sobers up. Somehow, they got him up,...
