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Uncle's Diary (Part 1)
Ever realised how useless life is, the thought of actually drifting in time with no purpose nor meaning. Being a part of a race, timeline or even ambition, only to be striped of it in the end, I know that we’ve all been taught and told what to do and how life is this important thing which is beautiful and necessary, just like how breathing is a necessity, but how does being in accordance with wired conundrum get classified as living. Not that I’m trying to be negative, nor am I going to continue being this naïve voice which utters nonsense, lets try to explain this word, rather I say this belief of LIFE.
Satisfaction may be the most evil of bearings, I agree that its great at times but at what cost, don’t misunderstand my intensions, but have you ever realised how satisfaction destroys even the most purest of memories, most sentiments mean nothing when it comes to instant gratification. And yet its something that we can go for years trying to figure out. Forbidden happiness might as well be something I despise but yearn the most, you know when your told not to go near certain things, you feel the need to head there even faster. I’m going to be bold and brunt about this fact but, being a human being is one curse any person could never ever wish on another.
Its one fact that you can never take back, the fear, excitement and guilt that comes with it makes it even harder to accept reality. Now as a part of this kind of species myself, I understand the implications it takes to actually accept this life.
The thought of pain frightens most, its quite funny to me as its actually the ONE feeling which shows the most emotions, its not feint nor is it ever made up. Its just there and let no matter the circumstances, it never fails but to show itself, and yes most of us find many excuses to run away from it, but its never enough, and yes I’m glad that we get to feel it, it makes us grow, and most importantly, gives us another eye glass into this experience we call life. But hey, not everyone is going to be able to agree with me, ‘I can’t please everyone, now can I’. *
As I read these words, I came to understand why he did it, I mean I came even closer towards his peculiar mind scape, I agree that it sounds as if I’m trying to give rise to his sudden choice of passion. Let’s think of it as my reasoning towards understanding my Uncle’s pitiful death.
How can a man who was filled with life have been able to take his own in the end, to me this felt like betrayal, I witnessed it all, and all I could do was watch, I watched as he wrapped his neck with that god forsaken rope, the same rope which had a whole history towards it, the same rope which saved my life on my last hiking trip with non other than the same man who uses it to commit murder on himself, that same rope which showed me the real meaning of the word trust, that same rope which ripped me of my own Uncle.
He wrapped himself with that rope, thus he pushed the chair from underneath himself and the worst moment of my life unravelled itself. I watched as life slowly made its way of his body, as he choked, I could never imagine a bigger pain then actually causing your own demise. Yes, he hung himself, I witnessed it all, yet not even a soul could really understand how a 11year old could sleep at night after witnessing such cruelty, yet I slept soundly that night, without even a wink of sorrow in my eyes, rather a little confusion, as puzzled as I was, I couldn’t even comprehend how my own mother never shed even a single tear on realising what her own brother had done.
She seemed rather calmer than usual, it seemed as though a heavy load had been removed from her back, for a moment I believed that she was glad about his decision of murder. All she said that night was, “ O well",...
© nosihlekatherine
Satisfaction may be the most evil of bearings, I agree that its great at times but at what cost, don’t misunderstand my intensions, but have you ever realised how satisfaction destroys even the most purest of memories, most sentiments mean nothing when it comes to instant gratification. And yet its something that we can go for years trying to figure out. Forbidden happiness might as well be something I despise but yearn the most, you know when your told not to go near certain things, you feel the need to head there even faster. I’m going to be bold and brunt about this fact but, being a human being is one curse any person could never ever wish on another.
Its one fact that you can never take back, the fear, excitement and guilt that comes with it makes it even harder to accept reality. Now as a part of this kind of species myself, I understand the implications it takes to actually accept this life.
The thought of pain frightens most, its quite funny to me as its actually the ONE feeling which shows the most emotions, its not feint nor is it ever made up. Its just there and let no matter the circumstances, it never fails but to show itself, and yes most of us find many excuses to run away from it, but its never enough, and yes I’m glad that we get to feel it, it makes us grow, and most importantly, gives us another eye glass into this experience we call life. But hey, not everyone is going to be able to agree with me, ‘I can’t please everyone, now can I’. *
As I read these words, I came to understand why he did it, I mean I came even closer towards his peculiar mind scape, I agree that it sounds as if I’m trying to give rise to his sudden choice of passion. Let’s think of it as my reasoning towards understanding my Uncle’s pitiful death.
How can a man who was filled with life have been able to take his own in the end, to me this felt like betrayal, I witnessed it all, and all I could do was watch, I watched as he wrapped his neck with that god forsaken rope, the same rope which had a whole history towards it, the same rope which saved my life on my last hiking trip with non other than the same man who uses it to commit murder on himself, that same rope which showed me the real meaning of the word trust, that same rope which ripped me of my own Uncle.
He wrapped himself with that rope, thus he pushed the chair from underneath himself and the worst moment of my life unravelled itself. I watched as life slowly made its way of his body, as he choked, I could never imagine a bigger pain then actually causing your own demise. Yes, he hung himself, I witnessed it all, yet not even a soul could really understand how a 11year old could sleep at night after witnessing such cruelty, yet I slept soundly that night, without even a wink of sorrow in my eyes, rather a little confusion, as puzzled as I was, I couldn’t even comprehend how my own mother never shed even a single tear on realising what her own brother had done.
She seemed rather calmer than usual, it seemed as though a heavy load had been removed from her back, for a moment I believed that she was glad about his decision of murder. All she said that night was, “ O well",...
© nosihlekatherine
