Once you used to be a preety damsel,
It was nice meeting you in the middle of summer
Her unpredictable mood swings wreck our friendship in just one blink
Your sorry is worthless, when your actions is too poor
Even, if you didn't make lame excuse,
still, this clumsy behaviour is unacceptable during we stay in your place

This is my last and final,
There is no second thought to visit your place,
You don't have to worry anymore,
I will not walk up to your place again,
That's the kind of heartbreak and sometimes sorry can never be mend
the heartache,
This is not the first time visiting that city, I have been there since 2016
And I never got any one making me feel uncomfortable unlike you, when I visited many friends and relatives place before you
My second visit to your place is unwelcome, unfamiliar and muted just because of so called stupid awkwardness you create,
It was beyond unexpected and unfortunate,

When you aware the moral culture in your society, then do apply it,
Don't threw lengthy message, after the guest see off, just because you want to protect your dignity that my culture and my tribe and my people had always been taught us the good moral value how to treat with the guests.
Then I must be blind,
Your words can't beat your actions,
Because actions speak louder than words
Your clumsy actions make us feel that we are burden, that we step into your house in wrong time,
Your clumsy actions make me feel, I shouldn't bother asking you help anymore
You don't have to worry anymore,
I will not walk up to your place again,

I know life have been tough, everyone
had to undergo ups and downs in life, but it doesn't mean, you should treat other according to your mood swings

Have you and your second elder sis ever thought what makes us to hide in the room and feel anti social as you mentioned the words hide, (hiding in room,) that you won't able to help us when we don't socialise,
Have you ever thought what make me
to fall and react into such inappropriate situation??

Then what about you?
Are you being friendly and socialise at the moment!
Easy to find the other fault, but difficult to realise its own clumsy act

Though, I'm dealing with anxiety and struggling life, still I tried my best as much as I can
I don't deserve it when people treated me as a granted and make me feel small
Its Difficult to hold back my tear, and
somewhere in the hidden place the tear broke out and I need to pretend I'm fine when my sister asked about it,

Don't explains me thoroughly, when you didn't even know me yet very well,
Assuming and judging can never be correct feelings sometimes

And she mentioned the awkwardness and uneasy feeling towards us is just because of her busy schedule and she can't change when her schedule is already fixed, she needs to proceed with her on the go schedule. I'm dumbstruck, isn't it so bizarre!
Just because of her busy schedule is she behaving and reacting uncomfortable with us, it doesn't make sense and I don't have any issues on her personal life.
Isn't it she is babbling lame excuses, lol
And there is water scarcity in her place,
and she mentioned me atleast i should help her instead of sitting and being awkward in room, if I can't help financially atleast i should try to help from the searching solution, but I would say that I didn't help her or talk about water scarcity in her place because after few hours, the supply water did come without waiting again for longer hour,
so I never thought of helping in this matter otherwise I will lend my hand to help her, because i don't go in other house to stay for free.

Atleast there exists a good humour sense in this house(her youngest sis)
who act wise and polite better than them,
Now it's upto me to speak back,
Learn some basic manner from your youngest sis,

I accepted my fault, that I didn't ask her sister's name and that make her bothering I should atleast ask her sister's name, do casual talk when you visited other place, this is basic knowledge she mentioned it,
Never mind, I accepted my fault because I love to called (behen) sister.
that drawn me to this so deep, I fail to do my work properly.

She Mentioned that if they fail to interect with us, atleast I should tried it from my side as we all aware the knowledge if one side didn't work, then we should apply it from other side she added,
it's ok, she can say anything because we were staying in her place and I need to listen her thoughts,
Maybe the awkwardness atmosphere during Stay in her place make me disappear my present of mind,
I don't care, what they speak behind my back during we stay in her place because people do noisy stuff when they fail to introspect other feeling from their perspective.

I don't deserve this last straw,
I deserve better goodbye, it doesn't mean she should treat me like a queen
she stated mostly about basic knowledge in the message, then she must have a basic knowledge how one should treat when friend see off, not just end with nodded head sitting idle in couch,
That's kind of weird action from my perspective
if the goodbye was bit good, maybe I may not take the regret and guilt inside my heart so deeply,
My heart would be less heavier,
I would rather take the whole situation fault in me,

The reason why I hurts mostly is because we belong to same state, and I haven't got any friends from different district and tribe like her, and she is the first Friend I made, I'm happy honestly,
but now I don't feel anymore and it wasn't expected to turn out bitter and never thought this friendship would last for only short period.

There is no outcome between her and me, we fail to do our work in proper sense
yes, we both are wrong in our action towards one another
I will remember her,
as a woman,
as an anonymous,
It's difficult to read about you,
The message is completely on grey area and I'm breathing with ambivalent feelings
you were good in your place and I hope I never see you again.
After this incident my sister and I never spoke ill about them except we talk about the question, what happening with her that day, she act so differently that make we both so awkwardly.
And the answer I never got exactly even after I got so lengthy message from her.

Thanks to her, for making me guilty and heavy regret, this make me
discover letting me know about my writing skill, when I start to pour every thing on blank page and make me feel relief from deep scare.

"before I'm not into writing until I bump into these regret feeling and i can't hold, it's something like making me feel so weighing and burden in my heart and I start to pen down to feel light inside me".

Everything happens for good reason and yes, bad experience give lesson to learn eventually.

© Ng Sarita jeinao