Love is often described as wholesome and fulfilling. You see elderly couple hand in hand in the store or young couple's flirty and vibrant. But not all love can be this way. Some love is distant and forbidden. "I really like him," Mya said her our co-worker, "but it's weird for me because I'm gay"
I overheard this conversation which validated my feelings for her as well. Through our time working together we would cling together talking, or avoid each other advidely. I slipped away knowing in my heart that even with the odds stacked against me I had to try. She was amazing. Creative and quirky, kind and yet stubborn. And so much more than I can describe. Later that evening we got put together on the same task and I felt a tension I had not felt before between us. "So you plan on taking that promotion?" I asked. "No, I don't know actually. I kind of like where I am right now," she replied with a smile. "Me too. Doing inventory is a lot easier than a bunch of paperwork," I added. She grinned and locked eyes with me. I didn't need to speak to know what she was thinking. But I froze. I couldn't say anything, but it felt like her turn anyway. "I was wondering," she said, "do you think people can change?" I was certain she meant her sexual orientation, so I replied, "people always make mistakes in life but there is room to grow, so yeah. People can definitely change." She looked forward at the many boxes of merch on the warehouse shelves with a look of sadness and and deep thought. "What if you don't want to change, even though it's probably for the better?" I was stunned. I had to make a choice. "I think," I paused to gather my thoughts, "ultimately you have to do what you want to the most. Not for other people but for you." She thought about it for a while as we continued to scan boxes. But soon she had that flare back in her eyes again. "Thanks for the advice," she said, "one day when I finally get married you're gonna be my best man you know." It took a minute to process that one, and she slipped off shortly after in high spirits. But not me. I knew what she was saying and it hurt. I stood there broken in some ways. "I guess some choices aren't that easy to make. She is who she is," I spoke out loud to myself. But that same co-worker Mya had spoken to before came up from behind me. I must have not noticed. "Don't feel too bad," she said, "not every day she feels attracted to a man." In the end it did not change my feelings. I left work that day defeated. I won't be the same around her again. But it's all good, I guess since I didn't think I had a chance to begin with.