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DIARY ENTRY I
Is this depression?
September 17, 2023
Sunday
And today I am finding myself relating more to a quote that Kafka wrote, "What if I slept a little more and forgot all this nonsense." I woke up and felt like I'm drowning in an abyss of the unknown, it feels as though a weighted something is compressing my happiness emotions, and that causes an alteration on my senses, my sense of touch is so numb I cannot even feel the delicacy of blooming flower petals, my legs give in when I think of going out to visit my friends, my sense of taste is not what it habitually is, I could not even swallow my favorite tea, I even tried coffee as an alternative but it also suffered the same fate, my eyes blur when I try to look at the cloudless blue sky. The letters scratter when I open any book. When I pour water on the dry soil, petrichor fills the air but my nose suffuses with an unknown something, and all that petrichor is for every other nearby species apart from myself. I find myself laying on my bed, all limbs spread out, only the sound of my beloved family penetrates the room to my ears, music does not even sound the same. Let me rest my eyes for the fifth time today. Perhaps the evening won't be so harsh.
it's afternoon now, almost evening, the setting sun is blinding my sight, and I succumbed to avoiding to greet any familiar face because I am too tired to lie and say "I'm okay" when they ask, knowing for a fact that I am not fine at all. I tried doing some workouts but my body is giving itself a cheat day. The sun has completely set now, the first star has appeared, The hair on my lower limbs dances as the evening breeze brushes by. I lay on the tiled stoep/ patio, with a pillow underneath my head, I watch as oodles of stars make their appearance on the navy blue sky.
All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a person decided to burn grass and now the smoke is overlaying the sky and fills up the atmosphere, now I'm forced to stay inside. I watched the telly until it was time to go to sleep. Owing to the many naps I took earlier, I am now wide awake, staring at white ceiling that turned a dark shade of gray as an effect of the night's darkness. A few minutes duel between lethargia and insomnia took place in this body of mine, and evidently insomnia won and luckily this time I can read something. I decided to proceed reading Agatha Christie's "Peril at the end house" and ...
... I passed out and woke up the next day. Hopefully it won't be a blue Monday.
P.s.: This is written as my definition of depression. I am completely fine, truly speaking.
© Adrian Richelieu
#depressionawarness #depression
September 17, 2023
Sunday
And today I am finding myself relating more to a quote that Kafka wrote, "What if I slept a little more and forgot all this nonsense." I woke up and felt like I'm drowning in an abyss of the unknown, it feels as though a weighted something is compressing my happiness emotions, and that causes an alteration on my senses, my sense of touch is so numb I cannot even feel the delicacy of blooming flower petals, my legs give in when I think of going out to visit my friends, my sense of taste is not what it habitually is, I could not even swallow my favorite tea, I even tried coffee as an alternative but it also suffered the same fate, my eyes blur when I try to look at the cloudless blue sky. The letters scratter when I open any book. When I pour water on the dry soil, petrichor fills the air but my nose suffuses with an unknown something, and all that petrichor is for every other nearby species apart from myself. I find myself laying on my bed, all limbs spread out, only the sound of my beloved family penetrates the room to my ears, music does not even sound the same. Let me rest my eyes for the fifth time today. Perhaps the evening won't be so harsh.
it's afternoon now, almost evening, the setting sun is blinding my sight, and I succumbed to avoiding to greet any familiar face because I am too tired to lie and say "I'm okay" when they ask, knowing for a fact that I am not fine at all. I tried doing some workouts but my body is giving itself a cheat day. The sun has completely set now, the first star has appeared, The hair on my lower limbs dances as the evening breeze brushes by. I lay on the tiled stoep/ patio, with a pillow underneath my head, I watch as oodles of stars make their appearance on the navy blue sky.
All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a person decided to burn grass and now the smoke is overlaying the sky and fills up the atmosphere, now I'm forced to stay inside. I watched the telly until it was time to go to sleep. Owing to the many naps I took earlier, I am now wide awake, staring at white ceiling that turned a dark shade of gray as an effect of the night's darkness. A few minutes duel between lethargia and insomnia took place in this body of mine, and evidently insomnia won and luckily this time I can read something. I decided to proceed reading Agatha Christie's "Peril at the end house" and ...
... I passed out and woke up the next day. Hopefully it won't be a blue Monday.
P.s.: This is written as my definition of depression. I am completely fine, truly speaking.
© Adrian Richelieu
#depressionawarness #depression
