As a child I did not have many toys until on a special day I got to visit this woman she was my aunt but I didnt know her all that well. She shared stories of my mom and gave me presents from her. One was a horse with a rainbow tail it was white. I had never had toys or even knew I had another mom who loved me. The mom I knew was a sad woman stuck in the trauma from the child she couldn't stand to see. I guess I was a trigger that she showed so much hate to. I was never allowed to call her mom she was my step mom. I had siblings who were all boys the shared a room and yes they had toys. The next memory after meeting my aunt was a bit blurry. I know I found a way in a strength I never saw to leave that house. The night I ran covered in blood while she chased me both not realizing fear was leading this journey. Fear guided me to saving me as a child. Pounding on the door of a close friend shaken and broken worried of the trouble I was in. I hid in a room till the police came and drove me away. The journey I thought I would be safe to finding my mom I held onto that space. I remember the day I saw you and the day you left. The teddy bear as everyone would say you choose over me when all he wanted was to play. This bear that treated me like a toy an adult man who showed the little girl on Christmas eve that everything she ever wanted was a lie and once again the child would have to hide. He is just a giant teddy bear who took away the mother in you. As I got older that word would challenge me anything I once saw as joy would change by an image or memory hearing that name. Then i was graced with loving a teddy bear again. We play with toys and the joy he brings to my life the love i see when i look in his eyes. My son baby bear my husband would say has a teddy bear passed down from his dad. A healing treasure in seeing the teddy bear with you. I am a mom who will never walk away and gave birth to a blessing from all of me I created even more beauty you are a part of me.
© LS