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Future New york's Best Seller
I'll never understand but I'll be ok...
I had always dreamed of becoming a "NEW YORKS BEST SELLER" since the very age of 7years old!!" I remember wrighting these lil books with illustrations && of course different characters && they all had names and back stories..A front and back cover ~decorsted,~ of course my favorite things was doing the table of contents..&& even a page in the back about the author..A picture of myself , because afterwards. i am the author...I tapped on the back a author paper and would add a lil information about myself....I've always loved loved reading and writing.. Saturdays we would go to yard sales my grandparents and myself and it was always a fun adventure..and we always got mcdonald's afterwards...My go to at yard sales were always straight tomthe books..&& then not to leave out the barbies..I played with barbies until I was 13lol.. I Know..I know lol.. but I loved my books and barbies!!" I would read 2" babysitter books everyday..Some days tho it was only one..But always a book a day...I loved excaping into a good book,a good story....I guess as I look back maybe that's exactly what I was doing.. Excaping a reality I lived but couldn't change.. I couldn't get to my mom's heart,my dad wasn't choosing me either ...I wanted him and my mom to effortlessly love me the way my 2sisters & brother was receiving..I lived in the home with them..Since 4years old .I had front row seats to this family...My simblings never went without being shown affection && had a real mom & dad..They did stuff together..And they were always coming up empty handed when they looked at me..All I wanted was I love you's && I'm proud of you ..It was always awkward when I would say I love you..It was quiet and awkward... And all our families knew..But I wasn't going to stop I kept on.. Telling my parents every single day I love you..I told myself I wasn't going to stop..One day they'll say back and mean it but more importantly you'll feel it!!" That continued on for about 8years..I was over 20years old and was married and had my own daughter by now.. && also was Pregnant with my second daughter....This was when it all started happening... Truly tho I wouldn't change it for anything because that life wasn't for me..God plans everything..
because I lived without the ("I love you's) I sure did && it was hard..I'm not going to lie now..lol.. it's was sooooo hard ..My mom telling me she loves me is hugeeee!!" No one truly understands because you weren't the one experiencing it..You can't picture it because it's so unnatural..My kids today get the I love you's from my mom n dad .. and it's completely completely different..We are mom,dad && daughter for the first time in life...Were a family and I'm wanted... my kids get the life from my parents that everyone else gets...No grandkid is favored.. and none are pushed aside...
My childhood was taken from me and yes this is very very true...I went my whole childhood and teenage years never being able to feel loved and wanted... during these most cursiol years of my learning and growing years .... Things could have been a total different way today for me.. but I know better..I know my GOD gave me a precious life saving gift in my grandparents...Those were my parents...They were there since day one ....He knew that the parents I was going to have in my mom and dad, && he knew they were going to be the handlers and shapers of everything I will ever become in life!!" My savings grace my grandma and grandpa...In a storm of disaper & uncertainty my grandparents were always solid and never wavered...They were my bright light .. so I never was able to get lost in the dark......
© SabrinaMarie
I had always dreamed of becoming a "NEW YORKS BEST SELLER" since the very age of 7years old!!" I remember wrighting these lil books with illustrations && of course different characters && they all had names and back stories..A front and back cover ~decorsted,~ of course my favorite things was doing the table of contents..&& even a page in the back about the author..A picture of myself , because afterwards. i am the author...I tapped on the back a author paper and would add a lil information about myself....I've always loved loved reading and writing.. Saturdays we would go to yard sales my grandparents and myself and it was always a fun adventure..and we always got mcdonald's afterwards...My go to at yard sales were always straight tomthe books..&& then not to leave out the barbies..I played with barbies until I was 13lol.. I Know..I know lol.. but I loved my books and barbies!!" I would read 2" babysitter books everyday..Some days tho it was only one..But always a book a day...I loved excaping into a good book,a good story....I guess as I look back maybe that's exactly what I was doing.. Excaping a reality I lived but couldn't change.. I couldn't get to my mom's heart,my dad wasn't choosing me either ...I wanted him and my mom to effortlessly love me the way my 2sisters & brother was receiving..I lived in the home with them..Since 4years old .I had front row seats to this family...My simblings never went without being shown affection && had a real mom & dad..They did stuff together..And they were always coming up empty handed when they looked at me..All I wanted was I love you's && I'm proud of you ..It was always awkward when I would say I love you..It was quiet and awkward... And all our families knew..But I wasn't going to stop I kept on.. Telling my parents every single day I love you..I told myself I wasn't going to stop..One day they'll say back and mean it but more importantly you'll feel it!!" That continued on for about 8years..I was over 20years old and was married and had my own daughter by now.. && also was Pregnant with my second daughter....This was when it all started happening... Truly tho I wouldn't change it for anything because that life wasn't for me..God plans everything..
because I lived without the ("I love you's) I sure did && it was hard..I'm not going to lie now..lol.. it's was sooooo hard ..My mom telling me she loves me is hugeeee!!" No one truly understands because you weren't the one experiencing it..You can't picture it because it's so unnatural..My kids today get the I love you's from my mom n dad .. and it's completely completely different..We are mom,dad && daughter for the first time in life...Were a family and I'm wanted... my kids get the life from my parents that everyone else gets...No grandkid is favored.. and none are pushed aside...
My childhood was taken from me and yes this is very very true...I went my whole childhood and teenage years never being able to feel loved and wanted... during these most cursiol years of my learning and growing years .... Things could have been a total different way today for me.. but I know better..I know my GOD gave me a precious life saving gift in my grandparents...Those were my parents...They were there since day one ....He knew that the parents I was going to have in my mom and dad, && he knew they were going to be the handlers and shapers of everything I will ever become in life!!" My savings grace my grandma and grandpa...In a storm of disaper & uncertainty my grandparents were always solid and never wavered...They were my bright light .. so I never was able to get lost in the dark......
© SabrinaMarie
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