One day you will wake up with wet eyes, with heaviness in your heart that can destroy the balance of your body. You feel your feet shake with each step, your hands will search for a wall to hold while you walk, as support. You will sit on the closed lid of your closet, wanting to take a warm shower but you will find it impossible to hold the handshower with your trembling fingers. You will sweat even with all that water on your body. You will want to cry, while half opening your mouth to help your struggling nose exhale. You will shave the left underarm but leave the right one unshaved, for you don't feel like completing anything. You will wear the blue shift dress without drying the water on your skin and open the laptop to work straight for 9 hours at a stretch without any breaks. You will lie on the bed staring at the ceiling fan and fall asleep by talking to your demons about your plans of suicide, and end up smiling to their replies like "you are already dead". Then you will cry, remembering all the smiles you delivered with pain. After that, you will find it difficult to answer when someone asks you "How broken are you?" no matter how good you are with words.

©redpaint
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© redpaint