6
I have no trouble with my enemies. But my goddam friends… they are the ones that keep me walking the floors at night.
~ Oscar Levant

The Grave Keeper’s Inn was as busy as ever at the Witching Hour. (It’s just like the human’s version of “Happy Hour”, only with better booze.) The only wrench in the works was the sudden appearance of an idiot… Or more appropriately, an idiotic bastard. The reason for this is, while most people think Karma’s a bitch, he’s actually a bastard named Gordon Karma… A psychic who spends most of his time harassing the bar's more out-of-the-ordinary patrons, rather than communing with the Dead.
“Hey, Gordon?” I smiled, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Anybody ever tell you, you ask too many questions?”
“Toshi!” The guy grinned at me, and wrapped me in a bear-hug. “Great ta see ya! How ya been?”
“Better,” I grunted, prying him off of me. “When you’re not touching me…”
“Oh! Right, right!” He said, backing off. “The touching thing, right…”
“Gordon,” I growled, brushing myself off. “You’re bothering the staff… Get the hell out!”
“Aw, come on, Tosh!” He whined as he reached out for me. “Don’t be like that…”
“I’m always like this, Gordon.” I grimaced, trying to get out of his reach.
“True.” He answered. And just when you thought he might shut up. “Oh, by the way, Tosh, last time I meant to ask-”
Ugh! This is why I absolutely hated humans! Well, most humans… There’s this human, and then there’s the guys I beat the crap out of earlier in the week, and then there’s- Look, there’s a list, ok?!
“A'right, a'right, lad… That be enough.” Sean came up from behind Gordon, and laid a large hand on his shoulder. Sean always was a big guy after all, and between him and his magic, it was always enough to keep the peace in the bar, even on the busiest nights “Off with ye now! Don’t want ye scarin' off business now…”
Gordon blinked at him, somewhat dazed. “Oh… right. I should be going.” The guy shook his head and stumbled towards the door. “I have an appointment tomorrow anyway…”
Amazed, I watched as the psychic, Gordon Karma, swayed on his feet and bounced off of tables as he headed out. The door opened once, long enough to hit Gordon in the head, and then he slid out into the night. (Hopefully, never to be heard from again…)
I looked up at Sean and grinned. “I love it when you do that!”
“Aye, lass,” He chuckled. “But as much as ye appreciate it, I only don it to keep my customers from killin' the foolish git.”
I laughed, and slugged his arm affectionately -something I did so rarely, it would’ve probably shocked the whole bar into silence if they’d been bothering to pay attention- but what can I say? The big guy’s got some major hidden talents! “Thanks anyway, Sean… I appreciate the save- By the way, have you seen Lexi anywhere?”
The bartender rolled his eyes in exasperation, and covered his face, before bowing his head in defeat. “Ye almighty Gods, lass! What’ve ye done now?!”
“Nothing! Nothing!” I laughed, putting my hands up in surrender. (Not unless you counted royally pissing off a reaper, that is...) As I spoke, I slowly tiptoed towards the large crowd on the dance floor behind me, preparing to make my escape. Needless to say, Sean was not stupid, so I was going to have to time this just right if I expected to get out of here without too many questions being asked. “I just need her to do a little spellwork at my place -nothing major- just some cleaning.”
Sean seemed to visibly relax, and I finally reached my goal. “Ach, cleaning? Is that all?” I smiled innocently and nodded, grabbing ahold of a hand behind me, as the music’s pace picked up speed.
Sean nodded and smiled back at me. “Well, if ye be lookin’ for Alexis, she should still be waitin' on the tables in back, so she’s not far off. Good luck to ye, lass -wait- why in the name of Hades, do ye need a witch ta clean yer apartment?!”
I took that moment to get a good grip on the hand I grabbed, and pulled, launching myself into the crowd of writhing dancers. “Oops! Sorry Seannie-boy, I can’t hear you over the music!”
"Lass! Lass, come back here!" I almost grinned as he started for me, only to be blocked by a wall of his own patrons. “Toshi!”
“I’m sorry,” I yelled over the noise as I was pulled away. “I can’t hear you! You’re breakin’ up! I’m going through a tunnel!”
The poor bartender continued to bellow after me as I was dragged along with the dancers, snickering as I went, but to no avail. At this point, I was long gone and swiftly making my way toward Lexi’s section with the hopes that I didn’t run into a certain someone when I got there. Grant it, I know I’ll probably be paying for it big time when I met up with the bartender later -and oh, the questions to be had, and the lecturing!- but, as they say, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Unfortunately, about half-way through, some idiot decided to grab my ass! Fun Fact of the Moment: Back when I was a kid -meaning a little over four-hundred years ago- if you were caught stealing, the offending hands would be summarily removed... Likewise, for the guy who stole a grab of my butt!
Five minutes and -a lot of screaming- later, I finally got to where I was headed. Crap! Sean is not gonna be happy when he sees that mess! But with luck, he probably won’t figure out it was me… maybe? Well, the guy should at least be happy I stopped at one hand, at any rate…
The booths were completely full as was typical of a Friday night in the Grave Keeper’s at Witching Hour. Which meant Lexi was just as busy, though I can’t say that was exactly a good thing.
“Hey, Lex- Whoa!” I lifted up a hand to wave at her, only to duck as “The Friday Special” -a mixture of seaweed greens, and sushi- came flying overhead. But, hell! That’s why Lexi always got the busy shifts, her talent for levitation spells made her both fast and popular with the customers. Of course, if you think that’s weird, you clearly haven’t counted the number of mermaids we’ve had in here- Whoops! Make that merman! The plate just landed in front of a guy with orange skin…
“Sorry, Toshi,” She muttered, placing a plate of steamed squirrel kidneys in front of a pair of cerastes, and going back for the next order. “I’m really busy tonight, so make it quick!”
Preparing myself, I took a deep breath- and shamelessly folded my hands and begged! “Please!” I wheedled. “Come to my place as soon as possible and use you’re magnificent powers, oh, most beautiful and powerful witch, to aid me in ridding it of all the nasty reaper gunk befouling my apartment!”
The corner of her mouth lifted, and she snorted through her nose. “A bit cheesy, don’t you think?”
“Hey!” I huffed. “I really put some effort into it this time! And besides, you’re the only one I beg for anything. So, if I’m going to ever learn to be humble and beg…”
“Then why not practice on me?” She answered for me.
“Exactly!” I grinned.
Lexi shook her blood-red curls that spoke of both her witch heritage and the small amount of “Blood Elf” from her father. “Girl, you couldn’t be humble if your life depended on it.”
“But I can beg.” I pleaded, batting my eyelashes.
She snorted through her nose again, her smirk turning into a full-out grin. “If you call that begging,” Lexi poked a lamia in the eye as the she tried to take a swipe at the waitress’ neck. “Then you’re gonna have to keep practicing for a whole ‘nother century, before you even come close!”
“So true,” I nodded. “But I’ll still beg for only you…”
Lexi burst out laughing and set another order of the Friday Special in front of a female merrow, a more prevalent cousin of mermaids and sirens. “Alright, Tosh, what do you want?”
“I told you,” I smiled sweetly. “I need you to aid me in getting rid of all the nasty reaper gunk befouling my apartment.”
Lexi blinked at me. “Reaper gunk? Geez, girl, how much trouble did you get yourself in this time? And what kind of gunk is this ‘reaper gunk’?”
“Ah… It’s not much…” I grimaced, looking away from her and scratching the back of my neck. “Reaper blood’s just hard to get outta the carpeting, ya know?”
“Reaper blood?!” She almost dropped a bowl of borsht, but because of the spell, it floated out of her hands instead and landed directly in front of its designated customer. “Oh my Gods! You pissed off a Reaper?! Oh Gods! You didn’t kill a Reaper, did you?!”
“No,” I swore, waving a hand in front of me and rolling my eyes. “(Woulda, coulda, shoulda…) But I did not kill a reaper. I just -you know- maimed him a little…”
Lexi shook her head, burying her it in her hands as she made inaudible choking noises. “How could you be so stupid?”
I shrugged. “Hey, the guy was in my house and he was being dick, what did you expect me to do?”
“How about run like hell, like any normal person would do?”
I lifted a skeptical eyebrow and snorted. “And just what part of me would you consider normal?”
My friend snickered, dropping her hands. “Oh, I give up! You’ll never change, Toshi…”
“Again, so true!” I grinned, wiggling my eyebrows at her. “But that’s what you love about me!”
She shook her head and grinned back at me. “So, what did you do to him? And do I even want to know?”
“Well…” I grimaced at the memory of that shithead. “He wouldn’t shut up, and kept reachin’ for his scythe to slice ‘n dice me, so the first thing to go was that hand of his…”
Lexi paled, and I continued. “Then he still wouldn’t give me the message -or stop being an ass- so I cut a little lower-”
“Stop!” Lexi cut me off with a raised hand.
“What?” I grinned evilly. “Too much for your innocent mind to handle?”
She just shook her head, paling further “Just. Don’t.”
I snickered, but didn’t say a thing. I always love teasing her! And she did ask, after all…
“So,” I asked, getting back to the point. “Can you help me out, please?”
Lexi groaned and shook her head. “Alright, girl, I’ll help, but it’s going to cost you.”
“Oh Hell…” I wiped a hand down my face, already regretting that I had to ask her for a favor. “And what, may I ask, is this favor of yours? Cause last time, you conveniently left out the fact that the mushrooms I was hunting for were in a bog owned by an ill-tempered troll, and also that they made you stinkin' drunk once you dug them up. Have you ever had a mushroom hangover, Lex? Cause trust me, it ain’t fun!”
Lexi just shrugged as she continued to ferry orders and dirty dishes back and forth. “Hey, it was hard spellcasting your apartment without anyone noticing, and besides, girl-” She stopped to snatch a customer’s beer out of an imp’s hand. Yeah… imps on alcohol? Bad idea. “I’m bettin' it’s gonna be just as hard gettin’ that reaper blood out of your carpet, am I right?”
I squirmed, trying to look elsewhere, and ran a hand through my hair. “Ah… I suppose... Fine, I’ll do it!” I groaned. “So, what do you was me to do, exactly?”
The witch grinned -which by far was the scariest thing I’d seen in the past week- and I almost made a run for it. “I thought you’d never ask.”
© Britt Clark