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Sadness
During a hot summer day I suddenly felt something wrong .....as I had guessed my organ was failing on me. screaming outside for help a neighbor came home and saw me screaming and helped by dialing a call for help. Three police officers came to the scene to see what was happening. And I who later believed through research was going through shock due to kidney failure. I had said to the officers please don't step any closer to me and step backwards. I felt electricity surges throughout my body really not knowing what it was. But then the three officers kept moving forward and again I said please don't move any closer please. The more they moved closer the strong increase of the shock I felt within my body. And soon i was handcuffed to the stretcher by both wrist and put into the fire departments ambulance. Asking for water from there was none. one paramedic was laughing at me and said 'how about some meth(full spelling?) and had put 3 needles into my arm but right before I turned and asked another paramedic to not let him inject me with anything. Still laughing he said john we haven't even left for 45 mins. we are still in the same spot. And yeah he was right as i looked and knocked out.
Woke up on a bed somewhere. Have tubes conneting on to my ding ding and some sort of soft tube on my neck. scared of what's happening the doctor and nurses would ask me do you know where you are? I answered no and grabbed the phone and dialed two numbers .....911 and my wifes phone number only. I dialed it a few times afraid but no answer. They even closed the shades and the door making me even more afraid because i didn't know where I was. A simple answers of hey John you're in the hospital and this is what happened....would make my fear be at ease. And finally I guessed ....in a hospital and my wife showed later telling me my kidney failed, but i had no clue about it. Strange right??...blood as I seemed to always be awake to be drawn. Lots of it. And I have been rude but asked for a withdrawal of my blood be stopped and I be fed first. No was answered and I asked how does blood produce more within the body? a nurse stated by blood. I stated no ....its food ....I felt like too much blood was taken and was afraid of dying. But felt security with my wife by my side. I remember my dad having the same tube on his neck the bam here I am with the same tube on my neck. But overall thankful im alive. Thanks doctors and nurses for saving my life. Please note I did not recieve any paper work after my discharge from the hospital.

I was escorted by a police officer to North Central right after my discharge from the hospital. Why? I have no clue? I was talking to a person there and I kept asking why am I here? can you please explain ? Unanswered and with a statement of ....anything you say will be and can be used against in the court of law........like wow ....how or why ??? I only asked for an explanation but received a threat with the courthouse.....again lost due to explained detail resason or simply as I came to find out is that apparently i tried to kill myself....how and why? apparently its a one sided view and story....no complete understanding of any situation such as signed paperwork i had to sign .....apparently i had no rights or a choice and was admitted against my own will. like fuck .....you for real? didnt even know who admited me into North Central Healthcare Center....of course I reside in Wausau Wisconsin. when asked ......and became somewhat sad ......any feelings of wanting to hurt yourself? ....nope ....sometimes when I wake up....having suicidal thoughts? um no......ok ....it was even more sad when they kept offering me drugs that I didnt know what they are for or why i had to take them and sign paperwork on it. I wtote no please on i think three or four forms for unknown medications. one time they even made a mistake and said these medications were mine and was told that I signed the forms and i had to take them. I said I know which medcations I have prescribed such as gout, high blood pressure, and parkingsons disease medications. she then doubled check and said sorry but these are your meds not the ones before. me thinking ..? what the fuck is happening here.....why is this happening to me ...???? but to another weird experience one doctor Riszer had even asked me .....John can you read my mind?.....again im like ......what the fuck ??? another weird question by an intern who he himself told me ....an impossible question and can never ever be true...to read a persons mind is not possible .....ever .......like never ever.....ok......so that put me down .....hurtful ....felt weird and i needed to put up a defense ....dont invade my comfort zone ....thanks....and then sat in a meeting with him right after the question.........yep feeling like again why is this happening ? the feeling is bunrt ...hurt ....painful ....and then those questions again ....any thoughts of hurting yourself ?or feelings of suicidal ??? this was twice asked in a few hours or more...feelings again burnt .....hurt ...painful....never once i thought that during the pandemic .......people were dying or sick.....scary times ......my stay was only a three day watch and got extended with court order of watch from Dr Riszer at North Central Healthcare Center to a week and a half with prescribed medcations by Dr Rizor. I was forced to taken medications i didn't want to take to begin. dam this sucks. some patients even stated that if you didnt take their meds you won't be going home anytime. A few patient's stated but no names and no losses of jobs please for this might get investigated when published. i was discharged and again unexplained paperwork I had to sign to be discharged. a few other situations happened ....to be continued. I learned later as I got home unpacking my paperwork I had signed two papers that said i needed to do but wasnt apart of discharge that she said i needed to discharge to go home but i do remember them stating i can cancel them at anything so i didn't call and couldn't even. I had also one more appointment with North Central Healthcare Center with Dr. Varhely on the 11th of September. I had also collected by medication sheets and two weeks later i finally had my sister in law pick me up and went to Walgreens on first and bridge. Medication from North Central Healthcare Center I mentioned and a reply of ... Nope nothing shows up with them??? maybe it went back to them? ok and thanks. No meds from North Central. A few days later I looked at some time frames of what I needed to show up for and failed to go to my new doctors meeting for a family doctor. My old family doctor Dr. Jeffrey Jast had decided to move to a different city after he graduated from Wausau Family Practice but I picked him myself. I thought I'd pick another from the 1-4 year selection of internship practitioners. I felt I didnt need any of the group meeting due to my wife and I decision but i never called them. Without any proper way to travel I missed going ti get my shots from North Central Healthcare Center in both hips again I always forget what they were for. I can still remember Dr. Riszer asking me what the side effects were from the meds he prescribe me.....me confused i said it gets me more tired than usual. I feel more tired that's it. Well be more active he said. I looked at him confused? i can try i guess? I also attended a few group sessions and was told by other patients if you don't do so you wont be going home soon so attend and take their meds so we all can go home. Again hurt from such rumors....i was admitted against my own will....told to take drugs so i can think rational in my decisions....then if i didn't attend group sessions it'll be harder for me to go home from a three day watch nd guess what ?....i ended up leaving on the 24th. Never 3 days but more and everytime i ask Dr. Riszer he said lies of the day til the third attempt asking. I ended up staying past that wrekend into next week. I called my wife everday too and i talked sexy to her too. Little did I know a pateint said they can hear me and my calls were recorded.....surprised and confused i didn't care too much for i was addicted to my wife and longed for her lovd and touch. I told her i even rubbed myself thinking of her. She said she did the same as well. It was getting hot with our conversations everyday. And like always we'd say we love eachother and kissed goodbye over the phone. She is so sexy and cant wait to go home. Imagine me rubbing my body up and down while imaging my sexy wife but i never well... masturbated there only rubbing. I will wait but dam she's gonna have to be a rider fucking me hardcore when im home. I didn't care too much with their policy of we record your calls. Gross but fuck it. I even saw a few nurses and or doctors secretly record their one and one meetings with patients which is illageal. If not given a yes you can record me it's it'll to do so. Wow they just leave their phones lying around because i asked who's phone this was left in a meeting room we had entered. Me thinking .....hel no ....illegal activity and had to be careful because i was told anything i said can be and will be used against me in a court of law. Like really? This place helps people? How? And to find out after my discharge i made an appointment with Dr. Varhely ...where is Dr. Riszer the one who said i has schizophrenia not parkingsons disease and was given schizophrenia pills and remember it ended up being my hip shots og 1600 miligrams each side once every month. The shot busted for 3 weeks making it hard to sleep and move around. After the 3rd week i said i needed to work out my muscles to be able to move and did so. I miss those meds I thought. Fucken shots and needles I hate them bad. I still had bruises on me from blood withdrawals on both arms and both ivy on both arms before discharge from North Central Healthcare Center from the hospital at Asprius. All i know is i was on a low protein low potassium diet and had a weak immune system at .02 % and a bad back from when i was a child told by one doctor. Now with acute gout in most joints....parkingsons diease in the mouth, tongue, and jaw parts, and now apparently schizophrenia with epilepsy said from Dr. Riszer during our 1st court hearing. i had no say in that hearing. my opinion didnt matter i thought as court was adjourned. next court hearing the 26th but i was discharged on 24th and missed the 26th. Mailed in from the 26th hearing my forged and signed signature agreeing to an commitment? What the fuck...ive been trying to call my attorney about this day....left 4-5 massages. no call back ...he must be busy i thought....his name was Tony Kim. I just got fucked .....and im hurt by all this ....remember i dont know why but all of this is happening to me .....why? and why it happened the way it did????? tell me i need answers because i cried about this shit...and left inside .....my fucken feelings....im a fucken cry baby. To be continued....future meetings on the 29th at North Central Healthcare Center with Dr. Varhely......back from Texas.
© John Thao-Thoj.