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Ten Years Pain
"What's going on? Why are all these people here?" I asked.
"Nothing dear, just go back to your room." Nanny replied.
I was supposed to get relieved by her answer but I wasn't because something was wrong. My dad was dead. This people were gathered at my home for his wake. None of them bold enough to tell me what I already knew.
Having gotten to my room, I sunk in bed and with my head buried in the pillow I cried so hard. The one person I was close to was gone and no one even cared about my feelings. Everyone so busy paying their last respects.
Acting as if I didn't know anything but deep inside I was in pain. Pain of losing my dad and of being completely ignored as if this wasn't going to affect me. I put on a smile and went to say hi to our guests.
My family finally arrived from where they had been. I was happy to see them, expecting they would be honest with me. The shock that hit me when they ignored me took me over 10yrs to get over. They say forgive and forget but some crimes ain't worth all that.
"Where do you think your dad should get buried?"
"What ?" my eyes went blur, my strength took a staycation, my breath really taken away. Someone had finally mentioned the inevitable. Why did it sting so much yet I already knew?
It was my aunt who had asked that question, beside her my sister. I didn't answer instead I listened to the detailed plan they had already come with for the forthcoming events to lay him to rest. Again, I had not been involved.
12 was probably too young to be affected. I thought to myself that was what they had assumed. Through the process I was left at the sidelines just receiving orders, only getting to talk when required.
Burial day was finally here and everything went according to plan. I stayed strong though being honest I was in denial. When the time came to see my dad for the last time, I did not do it which I regret to date. Seeing his dead body only confirmed he was truly gone and I wasn't ready to be convinced yet. In my next years I did hope he would show up and say it was just a prank. Well, he never did.
The day was over and soon everyone resumed to their routine. My family gathered to plan the way forward, another process I wasn't involved in. My life was changing too fast heading downhill. I had not embraced myself for this. Everything was set and everyone moved on how they saw fit.
Crying every night became my new routine. Slowly my interests, my zeal to learn, my confidence slowly faded away. The worst of it all was having no shoulder to cry on. Those I thought would stick to help me move on had their lives going on for them. For the next 10 years my life was a pity party.
The worst years can turn out to be the best thing to happen to you. My next worst year came 10 years later. A year I believe sent to me to help me get my life back together. However, before I got it together I had to be ironed first. The heat was too much and for a second I faced death so closely with a smile before I was yanked back to life.
Strangers pulled me out of my nightmare and once again in a very long time I was hopeful. Humanity prevailed when I was so frail.
"Nothing dear, just go back to your room." Nanny replied.
I was supposed to get relieved by her answer but I wasn't because something was wrong. My dad was dead. This people were gathered at my home for his wake. None of them bold enough to tell me what I already knew.
Having gotten to my room, I sunk in bed and with my head buried in the pillow I cried so hard. The one person I was close to was gone and no one even cared about my feelings. Everyone so busy paying their last respects.
Acting as if I didn't know anything but deep inside I was in pain. Pain of losing my dad and of being completely ignored as if this wasn't going to affect me. I put on a smile and went to say hi to our guests.
My family finally arrived from where they had been. I was happy to see them, expecting they would be honest with me. The shock that hit me when they ignored me took me over 10yrs to get over. They say forgive and forget but some crimes ain't worth all that.
"Where do you think your dad should get buried?"
"What ?" my eyes went blur, my strength took a staycation, my breath really taken away. Someone had finally mentioned the inevitable. Why did it sting so much yet I already knew?
It was my aunt who had asked that question, beside her my sister. I didn't answer instead I listened to the detailed plan they had already come with for the forthcoming events to lay him to rest. Again, I had not been involved.
12 was probably too young to be affected. I thought to myself that was what they had assumed. Through the process I was left at the sidelines just receiving orders, only getting to talk when required.
Burial day was finally here and everything went according to plan. I stayed strong though being honest I was in denial. When the time came to see my dad for the last time, I did not do it which I regret to date. Seeing his dead body only confirmed he was truly gone and I wasn't ready to be convinced yet. In my next years I did hope he would show up and say it was just a prank. Well, he never did.
The day was over and soon everyone resumed to their routine. My family gathered to plan the way forward, another process I wasn't involved in. My life was changing too fast heading downhill. I had not embraced myself for this. Everything was set and everyone moved on how they saw fit.
Crying every night became my new routine. Slowly my interests, my zeal to learn, my confidence slowly faded away. The worst of it all was having no shoulder to cry on. Those I thought would stick to help me move on had their lives going on for them. For the next 10 years my life was a pity party.
The worst years can turn out to be the best thing to happen to you. My next worst year came 10 years later. A year I believe sent to me to help me get my life back together. However, before I got it together I had to be ironed first. The heat was too much and for a second I faced death so closely with a smile before I was yanked back to life.
Strangers pulled me out of my nightmare and once again in a very long time I was hopeful. Humanity prevailed when I was so frail.
