All my life I have craved for someone who I can rely on and who can rely on me, someone who I can call mine, someone who knows me from inside out and vice versa.. someone who can sit with me in silence and it's comfortable, someone who knows that being silly is the only thing I know cos I only want to put a smile on their faces, someone who can be my best friend and my soulmate. Was I being too demanding from the universe ? I don't have an answer to that.

Till this date all my friendships or relationships were something where I felt like people just don't want to know me enough. They were okay with being connected to me on a surface level.. but I was not. I was on a search to find the one who I can just connect to..who clicks with me instantly.. who knows me for me.

I'm 30 now.. lived half my life..I'm grateful for what God has given me..my surface level friendships, my failed relationships, my life lessons..
I did try a lot but.. I tried to build that bond with my mother.. It just didn't happen, with friends of mine who I thought would want me more than just a hangout buddy, my partners who I felt would try to know my emotional side but I failed.. And when I tried to build it with someone new It felt like a slap on my face..
May be it's better to be alone and not wanting more.
They say sometimes you are meant to travel the road alone..and I guess I'm one of them.

© shivangi