If i loved him, you bet I did.

I loved him because not talking to him or seeing him hurt. Their was a point were I didn't even need to cry anymore my eyes would just look puffy like if I have been crying for hours.

The days where we wouldn't keep in contact felt years, and the hours felt days.

I couldn't wait for it to be Friday or Saturday just for him to pass by my job. I just wanted to hold him and kiss him.

just thinking about it makes me smile and sad at the same time. Sad  because its been 4 years I haven't seen him, its been 4 years since we last spoke. My mind is invaded with so many memories of the past.

Let this love story begin...

January

I work in a restaurant thats were I meet him his name is Aaron I was working a double shift that snowey January that I will never forget, that January were I never thought would make me so happy and  will make me so sad.

He sat at a table and I was about to take his order, when I saw him oh my God when I saw him I felt cold I felt shaky he looked at me and smiled "can you take my order" ( wow what a cute guy brown eyes, tall and light skined , not to chubby and not to skinny just right, just how I like my guys )
 
I went to the kitchen to tell the cooks his order, Something inside me felt that this guy was going to be the reason for my happiness and the reason I will shed so many tears.

I was telling myself your crazy you dont even know this guy, a part of me was willing to take all the risks, I was like take it or leave it girl so guess what I took it.

I'm that kind of person where I want to know what happens then to later think what could have happen.

I handed his order and he told me if I could sit down and eat with him, to order anything and he'll pay for it. ( Oh snap he got money I said to my self, good thing it was closing time and their wasnt alot of customers.)

The boss told me if I knew the person because we weren't allowed to sit with a customer, I said yes hes my friend he wanted to stop by and say hi.
( Their i was takeing a deep breath to go sit next to my man, I keep repeating  please don't trip you better not trip.)

We were just looking at each other until  a customer walks up to our table and tells me go get me another beer,  I said sorry sir but were about to close, the guy said I dont care I want another beer, the guy slammed the table and a drink falls on me thats when Aaron gets up and tells the guy to calm down thats not the way to talk to a lady, Aaron makes a fist ( I'm rubbing his arm hopeing he calms down a little, ) if I wasn't their calming arron down maybe he would have hit the poor guy.

The message

So it was time to close aaron gave me his number and I gave him mine, he wanted to walk me home but I told him to get home save it was snowing alot and I was going to call a cab.

I got home and I felt so happy I couldn't stop thinking about him I told myself I love him i really love him, my mind ("listen girl you don't even know him what if he is those guys you see on the news") No he's different theirs something I dont understand but I need him I want to know more about him.

My phone lights up its a message it says "Hi I hope you got home safe, I just got home and I decided to send you a message".

I quickly answered and said yes I'm home and thankyou for sending me a message. ( Omg omg I was screaming happily but quietly because my mom was sleeping next door.)

He said "well speak tomorrow i have to work in the morning", I  reply yes rest I have to wake up in the morning too. He said "it was nice to meet you". Their I was my heart racing smiling non stop I couldn't sleep just thinking why I felt like this for someone I dont even know.

Days passed we called each other something that doesn't happen much often because now everyone is sending text  messages, or on facebook. we spoke on the phone for hours, hours that felt minutes but were the best hours of my life and now are memories. Memories were I wish I could relive just for a moment maybe in that moment I can finally see him again and know he's doing fine ( without me ) Those moments aaron and I spent together were the best, we had a good relationship, we would go to the park and play on the swings he would swing me and i would swing him. I always kept count of the months I spent with a boyfriend but this time I didn't maybe because we never were boyfriend and girlfriend or maybe what I was about to find out changed my whole point of view and decided to just go with the flow.

The big secret

We both had off the same day it was a Wednesday we decided to finally see each other again, he said he was going to take me somewhere, I decided to call a cab to meet him were he had in mind because I was running late getting ready took to much time. ( preparing myself if just in case it was about to go down. ) I meet him at a deli store he went for some beers and I told him if we were almost their he told me yes ( not wanting to tell him where we are going to go.) Were here he said( it was a hotel.)

Ower room was on the second floor we went inside the room I sat down on a chair their was a table and two chairs. So he sits down and says don't put to much mind were we are i just wanted to get to know you more and I wanted to talk in private and nothing is going to happen if you don't want it to happen. ( oh I WANT IT TO HAPPEN I told myself ) I say oh yeah dont worry about it its ok  i want to get to know you better also, so we talked laughed and I dont know what happened but I think he wanted to kiss me, all he said was I dont know what you did to me but I have strong feelings towards you, I told him omg I feel the same way for you. And he tells me theirs something you need to know ( thats it that was my feeling, thats what I was so afraid of, I felt that same shiver I felt at my job.) He said  I have a girlfriend.......


I told him I knew someone cute like you wasn't going to be single and silly me told him that I didn't care I wanted to be with him. ( thats were it happened I gave myself to him because I wanted to, he never forced me, I felt like I needed him and wanted to know how it felt to finally kiss him and be in his arms,  its not what you saw in movies we made love, not ruff no he was gentle kissing my lips then my neck and he said it he said I really like you. ( Kinda preferred an I love you but that will do.)

It was time to finally head home he called me a cab and kissed me good bye. From the car window I saw him turn on his phone (do  you really want to be the side girl, if he does  this to his girlfriend what the hell is he going to do to me, I told myself yes I just didn't give my body to someone and just walkout like nothing, im not that kind of person if I do it with someone I want to be with that person or at least see what happens next.

The Big Reveal

We continued to talked and see each other until one day I recive a call, it was his girlfriend she was suspecting  we had something going on. She said whats going on with my man, I said we were just friends, I got myself into this mess so if I accepted to be with him I had to deny everything. After the whole girlfriend situation, we still saw each other but one day I couldn't take it anymore I told him to leave her and to be with me. I love you I told him, He said he was trying to leave her but she didn't want them to break up and  he wanted to be with me. ( I know some of you are saying why would you let it get that far, why would you agree to be the side chick are you that dumb and yes I continued being with him, I felt bad because nobody deserves to get cheated on but I loved him.)

Time passed I became distant with Aaron I had another feeling one were I decided to go outside my job and smoke a cigarette, I had a feeling arrons girlfriend was pregnant. I decided to call him and i told him straight up tell me if she's pregnant he said yes,( that was my breaking point I felt like if I was a glass cup and broke into very tiny pieces, I wanted to leave work and find a place to cry but sucked in my feeling.) Aaron I'm sorry I caint go on like this anymore thankyou for making me the most happiest girl in the world but this changes everything, you said you were going to break up with her, yet you get her pregnant what happened to me. He didn't have much to say and just responded with " if thats your decision I caint do anything about it i never wanted to hurt you, your special you know how to give it all in a relationship and if i caint be that person I hope someone else can.

I hanged up ( i felt stupid for putting all my love in the hands of someone who has always been confused if he loved me or her, I felt so hurt because I actually thought he really wanted to be with me. I couldnt blame him i knew he had a girl and I  continued to be with him. I finally  understood a side chicks point of view they can fall in love, because i was one,  She fell in love with all the fake promises , she fell in love and gave it her all, here i was shamming them for separating a relationship.)

The Unexpected  visit

I became more distant with  Aaron he would send me a message and I will just answer 2 hours later. He would tell me how  was I and what was I doing I will just reply im fine or just leave him on seen. I told myself to be strong that I can be without him I had to do it for that angel thats comming on its way. Aaron showed up at my job with his friend. I told my friend Stacy  to take his order I couldnt let him see me like this. He looked at me and he just desided to leave without ordering anything. ( his friend gave him a look like really you brang me all this way to say were leaving, and I was just about to oreder some thing to eat.)

Finally it was time to go home I felt like walking home to process this situation. It was the best for both of us ( well more for me ) little did I know aaron was waiting for me, he hold me by my waist and held me close to him he turned me around and gave me a kiss ( that kiss fixed all my broken pieces, that kiss made me feel like he didn't want to loose me, that kiss made me feel that I was important to him and with that kiss made me be with him again.)

We were back together but this time we didn't go to a hotel to be together, this time we actually spent time together, he would pick me up at my job and he would walk me  home. I loved how he would hold my hand, made me feel like it was just me and him.

The time came were she had her baby I just saw him one last time and from their I dont know how when it  happened but I just stopped everything this time I told him to be happy and I never ment to cause him any problems.

Good Bye My Love

I decided to go on vacation, ( a get away. ) I went to go visit my grandparents that live in Florida. I needed to let go of him, I needed to forget him. They moved in together they were a family now. After 3 months  I finally  came back home to New Jersey, I saw a message from aaron saying he wanted to see me at least one last time.( maybe his friend told him when  I was back)I agreed we went to the park, I love the swings so he swung me just like the old times.

something he told me that I would never forget was "why didn't I meet you sooner", we could have been so happy, now I know its you that I want. With tears in my eyes I tell him its to late you have a family now and if you wanted to be with me you shouldn't have got her pregnant, but it is what it is and theirs nothing we could do.

He had to go to work and we said bye i gave him a huge tight hug and he kissed my forehead and I left. I turned around and he was their standing we both ran to each other he carried me and we kissed one last time with tears in ower eyes we knew this was the last time this was really ower last time...

If i knew that was going to be the last time I saw him, would have kissed him longer.
I wish i could have hugged him longer.
I wish i could have told him how I felt and how he made me feel more often. And that I would never forget him.
 
If I loved him.. you bet I did

© JayleenPerez