Sometimes I think back to the way things used to be. I used to be so happy, so utterly oblivious to all the things that went on outside of my small minded world. I think back to all the bad shit that happened to me as I gew up. I used to not think about it. I used to not think it was bad. I used to think that shit was fucking normal. And that's fucked. No kid should grow up thinking what I went through was normal. But I did. and i hate it. It infuriates me. Now I can't stop thinking about it. Like hat stuff defines me. people tell me I can turn my life to the way I want it to be, but it's not that easy. Forgetting isn't as simple as wishing it away. This kind of stuff is something that hides itself in the back of your mind forever, constantly pricking at the surface. You can only hold it back fo so long, Pretending is hard. Sometimes I just ignore it, and I do feel happy. But when I d that, i end up lying in the shower crying. So either constantly walk around all the time, feeling that doubt and fear, or i feel happy soemtimes, and completely break down at others. and honestly, i don't kno what to do anymore