Hi! I'm Lily. I'm 23 years old and recently moved in with my boyfriend Matthew, he is the same age as me. We've been dating since senior year of high school. We just celebrated our 6th anniversary together, but I was feeling a bit empty inside, like there was this hole he was not able to fill. No, he didn't do anything to me, its not a toxic relationship of any sort. To be honest, I can say we are madly in love with each other. We are each other's first official serious relationship, and here we are still together after all these years.
But you see, I have started catching feelings for someone else, and its my co-worker Abby. Oh! I forgot to mention I work as a Journalist for The New York Times. Now let us continue with Abby, I have never met someone like her before, she has this gorgeous smile with the most beautiful green eyes and curly brown hair. Just as we went from coworkers to friends, we just sort of connected. It is so hard to just explain it but she gets me, in every single way. It has only been a year since we knew each other but considering how we have told each other about everything, it feels like we've known each other all our lives. I don't know if she feels the same way but she mentioned in one of our chit chats that she's scared of commitment and is a part of the hookup culture. I simply don't get someone who us interested in it, just being with someone for a night to have sex and you don't even know their last names? I heard someone say they don't even know the first name of the person the hooked up with. I guess everyone is different so hey no judgement in there.
Well, going back to Abby, she mentioned once that she's a Lesbian. And considering how i had all these feelings for her, i was wondering if i'm a Lesbian too? But then i thought and i thought, well it can't be. I'm in love with Matthew for god sakes, but how is this possible? Why am I in love with two people at the same time, and why are they different genders? Well, I searched it up and Google said I'm a Bisexual... to be honest, I have barely any experience with guys as i was so awkward in high school and as I mentioned before, Matthew was my first love, I thought he will be my forover too, but then comes Abby, she is the only girl i've felt this way for.I want to truly open up how i am feeling, to both Abby and Mathhew, but what if Abby rejects me, god knows what she'll do, and our friendship will be ruined. And if I tell Matthew about it I know he will get too hurt and our years of what we have build will go down the drain. I am so lost as to what i should do and its messing with my head. I want to truly open up how i am feeling, to both Abby and Mathhew, but what if Abby rejects me, god knows what she'll do, and our friendship will be ruined. And if I tell Matthew about it I know he will get too hurt and our years of what we have build will go down the drain. I am so lost as to what i should do and its messing with my headI want to truly open up how i am feeling, to both Abby and Mathhew, but what if Abby rejects me, god knows what she'll do, and our friendship will be ruined. And if I tell Matthew about it I know he will get too hurt and our years of what we have build will go down the drain. I am so lost as to what i should do and its messing with my headI want to truly open up how i am feeling, to both Abby and Mathhew, but what if Abby rejects me, god knows what she'll do, and our friendship will be ruined. And if I tell Matthew about it I know he will get too hurt and our years of what we have build will go down the drain. I am so lost as to what i should do and its messing with my head. I want to truly open up about how I'm feeling, to both Abby and Matthew. But what if Abby doesn't feel the same way? God knows what she'll say, our whole friendship will be ruined. And i know if Matthew finds out he'll be hurt and years of what we have build will just go down the drain. I'm so lost its messing with my head. What should I do?
© hld