CHAPTER 2

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LIKE A HOMELESS

• Sunday, May 24 •

I congratulate myself on being so good at hiding, being able to protect myself behind a mask of insensitivity and apparent normality. But I hurt for everything, of everything. The changes scare me. The others terrorize me. How to do it, lost in the anthill...

A deep melancholy sets in, coupled with a feeling of being invaded by situations that go beyond me. Of an incessant fear of losing people, of losing myself.

• Monday, May 25 •

Phone call. Incessant indirect harassment. I hear his voice over the phone. I hear his insults. I would like to die.

My privacy is violated again and the images pass by, one by one, rekindling the silent trauma in me.

And I remember this decision, that of killing myself in a way that seemed softer, slower, yet accompanied by a deep desire to live or to survive. I don't really know. To smash my head with stupid existential questions for which anyway, I never get damn answers.

I resume my place as a...