There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think about you. The only person who truly loved me for me. We grew up together and had so much fun and when I got the news that you passed away, a big part of me died. We first met when we were toddlers and we went to elementary school and junior high school before you transferred to another school in 6th grade, but we always kept in touch. I did boxing and judo as a kid and you did kickboxing, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, Muay Thai and still was a great friend to me. There were times a lot of people turned their backs on me, but you stayed. You were always there when everyone else turned their backs on me and my heart is completely shattered because of your recent death. It was a few years ago that you were diagnosed with cancer. The fighter in you fought each and everyday to live. You leave behind an amazing wife and three wonderful daughters and I will forever be grateful to you. We both were trained in martial arts, but you never once hurt me in any way. You were the first guy I ever experimented with as a teenager and even though we were and still are (because you are alive in my heart) friends, you were always loving and kind to me. What I miss is your sense of humor, your great singing voice, your zest for life and I miss listening to your wisdom. I was there the day you passed away and I didn't know you were dead then, but my heart was broken that day. Cancer made you look unrecognizable and cancer killed my friend. I'm going through the five stages of grief right now, but I WILL NEVER accept that you're gone. I remember being at your tournaments when you competed in Brazilian jiu-jitsu, kickboxing and Muay Thai and you were always humble and gracious, but was a beast when it came to self defense. Before you passed away, I was so fortunate to tell you how much you mean to me and the last thing we both said to each other was I LOVE YOU. My heart is broken because I lost a good friend, a brother, a family member and someone who means the world to me. You were one of the first people I came out to when it came to my sexuality and let me say that I'm NOT gay. I like who I like and I can be with any gender or sexuality I desire. That day, you looked at me and gave me a big hug and congratulated me. Years later, I would never imagine writing this. I always thought you would beat the cancer like the fighter you are, but on September 17, 2023, you took your final breath and now you're an angel in the sky. My heart is completely broken and shattered and I just don't know what else to say. I'm just angry and sad and broken. I get some sort of peace knowing that you're not in pain anymore, but your wife and daughters need you more than ever and they miss you. I can't wait to see you again and I hope that you're watching over me with a smile on your face.





© Josiah Bhola Hillaire