When grief sits with me - its tropical heat thickening the air, as heavy as water, weighing me like my own flesh. When everything I held close to my heart crumples like ashes of burnt paper; my throat filled with the silt of it. When all is lost, dire and bleak, there is always hope;
I cling onto it tightly, somewhat like a lost and sinless child, clutching onto their favourite comforter toy.
I guess life was never under any obligation to give me what I desire anyway...
It's in this sordid hour of sheer struggle and desperation, I remember how I MUST. I must be grateful for the cold and harrowing dark. For without it I'd never see the beautiful stars.
A mixture of reflection, sorrow and gratitude, tugs gently on my limp and withered frame, reminding me - the tears I shed now are not a sign of weakness but a sign of a pure heart;
Oh, how lucky I am! To have been able to experience the abundance of positive in this wonderful world. Things worth hurting for, crying for...
I WILL do this.
I SHALL adore life. Even when I have no stomach for it. I will hold life like a face between my palms and say -
"Yes! I will take you and I will love you again!"
For no matter what sort of difficulties, how painful I deem my experience to be - if I lose hope, that's my real disaster...
In this time of destruction, I shall create and build. Utilise my tragedy as a source of strength. Live beyond the realms of what I'm capable of.
This is where it all begins,
It starts here.
Today.

© Carriejh