The lawyer was very difficult to watch, I felt so bad for him; but only when I read his journal did I realize the extremity of his emotions. I was one of his watchmen. I watched him write this page early in the morning in his lodge where the lighting was super dim, the walls were all a grey color, and his desk was the only thing he continually used. I shall let you read just the little bit he wrote about the first day of his fifth year. Since you are reading a copy of his writing, I shall include some details you will not be able to see in parentheses.
“It is the fifth year of my solitary confinement. Each day is becoming more of a struggle. I long for the feeling of the grass on my feet, the breeze blowing in my face, the embrace of my family, and the sight of Jennifer. Jennifer, is in fact the only thing that keeps me within the confines of this horrid lodge. I long to have a good life with her, and the money this will bring me will in fact help me pay for anything she could ever desire. Why did I let my pride get in the way? I could have finished my time in this lodge today, but no, I had to make it 15 years! (His tears are now visible on the page). Anyway, I must be strong and press on. The struggle within my mind is the hardest. The silence is so thick and almost causes a stabbing sensation. I long to see other people, or hear someone else say just a word. I did not realize how much I loved to be in the company of others until I was forced to be all alone. In all honesty, the silence alone is enough to drive a person mad! However, any sound that is not a person talking angers me. I have come to hate noise but at the same time silence. All the noises I hear remind me too much of what I so dearly miss. The silence causes me to feel so lonely and depressed. I cannot stand it any longer! I must remain strong however for my dear Jennifer. She is the one thing that causes me to hold on. Every time I reach the verge of giving up, I just picture her sweet face and gentle smile. I hope that someday she will also understand why I had to do this, and that she will be waiting for me. However, the thought of going mad in this lonely and desolate place is also something I must take into account. I have dealt with many people who have pleaded insanity in court, and instead of receiving their freedom, they received solitary confinement. The horror stories I hear about them are more than I can bear. The mental insanity that can come from years in confinement all alone is a very scary thought. I just hope and pray that I shall not be subject to those horrors myself. If I leave now, I will look like a fool, breaking the deal like the banker said I would. I must prove him wrong no matter what it takes; however, pride comes before the fall, but how much more can I possibly fall? I feel really low, and like I am sinking deeper and deeper into sorrow and bitter loneliness. My personality is changing no doubt, if it’s good or bad I really can’t tell. The things I once enjoyed mean nothing at all, for all that really matters now is Jennifer. I must hang tight to my sanity for dear, sweet Jennifer. She deserves a loving, caring, husband, not an insane one. I will not let the cruel, bitter loneliness win. I shall overcome and see Jennifer in just ten years.”
This was what the lawyer wrote that day. I watched him write letters and rip them up. He did not rip them too badly, so I was able to fix them. He wrote some to his family letting them know he loved them, just in case he went insane and couldn’t let them know, and one was to Jennifer. I will let you read that one.
“Dear Jennifer,
I will have you know that you are the one true love of my life. In this moment of solitary confinement when the world feels dark and cold, you are the sunlight and warmth that keeps me going. I long to see you, and miss you dearly. I hope you know that I am doing this for two reasons. One of those reasons is foolish and has already caused me great grief, and the other is for you. I hope that I can help you to have the best of everything you could ever want. I realized that I did not have much money, so when the opportunity came to gain more for you, I took it in a heartbeat, even though it meant my pain, your gain was enough for me. You are the fairest maiden in the land, the keeper of my heart. Nobody but you can bring me joy, or keep me motivated. I hope you feel the same. At the end of these long years, I hope to find you waiting for me as I would have waited for you.
Yours Truly,”
            At that part of his sentence, he ended it, ripped it all up, and began to cry. I, upon some chance of fate came across this Jennifer, in person, only to find out that she was getting married to another man. I could not let this poor lawyer hope and wait and get his heart crushed. I slipped a paper with those words written on it, through the window, letting him know. He then wrote in his journal.
            “Jennifer has betrayed and left me. Life is meaningless, and all the things within it. I give up all hope of a brighter future, and the silence is my comfort. However hard the silence was I no longer shall remember, for my heart is shattered and the thought of her voice telling me those very words is like a dagger to the heart. I thus accept the bitter loneliness for it suits me well. I shall stay ten more years in here to prove my point, but the money is no longer needed. Health, life, and all the things that are called good in this world mean nothing to me anymore now that Jennifer is gone. Loneliness and sorrow are now my friends.”
That was his last entry that day, and ever. The poor man had nothing left and let the solitary confinement cause the end of his joy and happiness.
© Stacy A Parker