Let's just go ahead and throw it out there...there is not one single thing about me that's a delicate wall flower to say the LEAST!

My poor mother tried and tried as hard as she could to raise the perfect little princess in the poofy fancy WHITE dresses. Whole nine yards. Right down to the stupid tights and patton leather shoes.

She always yelled in amazement.."HOW" I Managed to tear up another pair in expert time?!

I mean, I get the accent gets thicker when angered..but she left A LOT up for my own interpretation. While I love and respect that parenting style, in my case, it was probably more of a, I just cant handle you right now type of scenarios.🤔

Never understood if she really wanted an explanation or if finding me in the middle of a mudd puddle, while missing the ditch bank I was jumping... out in front of the church...right as Sunday service let out...was explanation enough...looked self explanatory to me!🤔🤷‍♀️

If your gonna piss off the matriarchs of the family..IN PUBLIC..ya might as well give the whole church congregation a good show while at it! I mean, its obvious I didnt hear a lick of what the preacher said. And shes not gonna REALLY lose her shit over that damn dress with so many witnesses...I was literally placing bets if I could make it home before her car. I was COMMITTED, I really thought that my perfect rational decision, in my idk 8 year old brain, would work out.

Well, I didnt, she patiently waited for her opportunity to get me..in private...after having to assume my usual position, IN THE MIDDLE, on that nail biting ride home.😂😂 No wonder my father had so many premature grey hairs .🤔🤫

So now that you have a little TINY idea of what your dealing with here with THIS chick...let's get back down to HOW this bum knee came into existence from too tall Tina over here!!

Prepare yourself..is my only warning..there were MULTIPLE WTF incidents involved.☠🤣🤣🤣

So the very first one...
I have spiral stairs in my home leading up to the loft where my boys share a not to shabby living quarters. Hidden attics are also up there..so by now you've figured out ol girl THOUGHT her stubborn ass was gonna hurry on up them spiral stairs..while carrying a overpacked tote..cause you know, why make two trips??

I'm getting quite proud and cocky. Look at me go! I'm managing by myself..haha I don't need ANYONE..you got this shit bitch, keep going...

Ooof...didnt take into consideration the dog behind me.. a little too curious as to what my crazy ass is up to now.👀🐕

Just as I imagined, hes now tried to pass me on the left side...I get the instant flash of heat and panic. DO NOT FALL BACKWARDS AND HEAD FIRST WITH ALL THE SHIT IN YOUR ARMS!! FOR FUCK SAKES STAY CALM!!! You CANT die THIS way!!

SO. I do the NEXT best logical move at the time and shift right. THINKING I can use the rail to regain my balance.

Not exactly how it worked out! I jam my knee cap into the steel railing while ,you bet, in a upward climbing position, and then twist the sucker while still stuck between said bars. STILL trying to hold on to this blasted christmas tote of shit that at this point.. I'm pretty sure I'd already contemplated burning than taking up those stairs. Fuck it, no one would know and life would go on. 🤪

I still made it up those damn stairs, threw the tote in the attic, not caring how it landed, shut the door, and turned to see the same dog looking awfully sad as if he were trying to apologize and yet point out we still had to hobble back down those damn spiral stairs!😤🦿💪🤔🤣
So now that the first injuries complete.. let's move on to the gold medal, award winning BULLSHIT of all bullshit that led to #2!🥰🤣

Just for fun..put your drink down...I dont want to be blamed for anyone choking later!!!

So.... the old man and I are in a hotel room having just did a miraculous 17 hour straight drive to his parents, who were in need of our help with stuff..the settings stressful and depressing but upside the rooms super nice and stocked with toilet paper. SCORE at this point in life.

The rooms a full efficiency..kitchen dining/living room, then bedroom type deal. So by now you've visualized the exact set up..yeah, get ready....

We just finished eating a Wawa sub...if you've never had the pleasure...you're really missing out. Hubby is sitting in the chair next to the couch and I'm dicking around by the kitchen table .

I was already getting rather bored and antsy not wanting to just sit in hotel staring at our phones when suddenly there was a gurgling making its future presence known.

Damn, I was starting to wonder how many carbonated beverages I had. Then, that lead to other amusements which then has me REALLY pondering..I start to get one of MY ideas and amusement sets in as I stare at my husband sitting peaceful in his chair. OH.. ITS... ON..BABY!😎🤭🤣

I START to do some ballerina spins in the kitchen area..you know...warming up for the big show. This naturally catches my husbands eye and hes now wondering wtf is this bitch about to do to me. 😂

I hop a little closer when I knew the time was approaching. I'm ready!!! FULL ballerina spin, crop dusting assault weapon is about to fire away!!!!

Pew. Pew. May Day, maaaay day!

He knows me too well! He seen it coming! He lifts his hands to deflect my flatulent assault and I start laughing so hard I lost balance and rammed the absolute living shit out of my knee!

Jammed that mofo so bad I was stuck in bent position just wailing in agony!

Yet, still trying to moan quietly because you know, it's a hotel and I dont want people out there THINKING let alone KNOWING...JESUS, what the hell's going on in there? THAT CHICKS NUTS!😂😂😂

My POOR husband...he doesnt know WHAT TO DO! Still in shock that SHE REALLY JUST DID THAT..alls he can mutter is OMG! WTF SUMMER, YOU DO REALIZE I DIDNT DO THIS RIGHT? What do I do? How do I make this stop?!

I had no clue! Never jammed it, pulled and popped it all at the same time THAT bad before! I'm trying to control my pain and breathing, not cry out in pain like a dying fucking cow, let alone because of my anger towards myself that I JUST REALLY BIFFED THAT. All that...and it wasnt even a successful mission.🙈

And to top it off... feel really bad my unladylike behavior to say the least, for my own amusement, has just scared the absolute bejesus out of my husband!😳 Oops.😇

And now were down to the less amusing but still ...HOWD that line up so perfectly to finish me off...third incident!🤣

We have two very large and truly lovely dogs. One we just recently acquired who is a pit and well, just as spastic as my ass, so who truly knows his mix.?!?! We are ALL mutts if you really think about it ...another discussion for another day..so remind me. lol

The other is full pit with giiiiinormous fucking dome piece. Hes the biggest, LAZIEST goober of all dogs. He truly believes hes a chihuaha , and then shows his cards too soon. As soon as a leaf blows...you'll see ol' Eyeore go scrambling for shelter!

So not even two days after leaving my ballerina studio, we make it home and the old man sadly had to hit the road again. I get the idea itd be nice for the pups to go to the puppy park around the corner.

Remember ballerina story as if stairs wasnt good enough...

This BIG BULL HEADED beast of a dog was so damn excited to be at his version of Disney...I barely got the door open..seriously, fucked the whole leash step up all together , and he power charged me right dead ass square in THE SAME KNEE!

OOH THAT WAS THE FINAL WOBBLE. Still not sure how I didn't fall backwards into mud tracks from peoples side by sides having fun. Let alone...how the hell I got both unleashed dogs on a busy ass road into the gate without further insult to injury. Must of had a guardian angel redirecting my bad decisions after that one. 🤷‍♀️

So next time you see me..and I'm still wearing a brace...just know I'll never change. Just Smile and wave boys and girls! I got shit to do, challenges to beat, and I'm not gonna be slowed down for a silly ol knee.🥰🤣