If someone asked me to label myself, I would say, "They say, I'm funny, nice, talented, etc." As I choose not to be labeled. Only to be known as a wildflower, the girl who loves Forget-me-not. As I am often forgotten myself, I can say I'm not done by a long shot. I've always been great at art, and this is where I excel. As I am very successful in every form, I would describe myself as an 'unfinished artist' standing alone in her category called *Crunique* which meant uniquely creatively and soon became my though out signature. I've had a lot of comments about me being a Jill in every way.".

"The devil was formerly an angel'" many would state. Perhaps they are correct! Perhaps, there can only be two sides, to every coin”

Being born with what the doctor called Split-Brain syndrome certainly didn't make my life any easier. Not to mention the fact that I failed to stem the emotional portion of the brain, which seemed to make me look emotionless. I would say this has made it difficult for me to socialize. Unless it piqued my interest, that is. Perhaps they mentioned that I failed in the first place. A detail that is bold as it seemed so easy to forget. Or Maybe it was just covering up a lot of truth with in knowing it.

I've never thought of myself as a victim not until recently that is. As I have noticed that I am very much a victim. When I was a child, I was put into the corrupt system of the nineties. At the time, it was an extremely broken, just, manipulative system. It had me defined as "The system kid" in school and labeled as the *poster child* for being problematic any other time. Just to be placed with families that were neglecting,

While silenced by those who preached, they knew better. To Tell me that I had no idea what I was talking about. As I was too stupid and not to speak. As it was considered a problem. Even to this day, it’s still an issue. While I stay silent has now become an issue, as I would get spoken to for not speaking. Being told it was rude or disrespectful.
Not having a say or a voice in what happens in my life truly bothered me. I was under the impression that no one had given me that opportunity as if I was not allowed to do so. What I considered to be my own emotions, what I knew as my thoughts, made me feel like I was wrong. I will admit I didn’t make the effort either. After a while, I just stopped trying.

So maybe the word victim isn’t a word I would use lightly on its own I mean. I can say I’ve been victimized in more ways than just one. It left me as an adult fearful. I became scared of everything. Not realizing it was instinctively drilled into my head. It wasn’t healthy! To understand it was traumatic. I was traumatized. I’ve lived a portion of my life unknown. Actually, I didn't care, so I didn't ask any questions.
I ’ve always just tried to embrace what life threw at me. Discreetly accepting what they would say would hurt me. As I am sitting here, all I can tell myself is, "I probably should have asked." I have lived a life, my life! I wouldn't change a thing based on my accomplishments. Learning from my mistakes to become smarter, realizing what many would tell me is either impossible or difficult.

Now that I am in my thirties, and I am also a single mother, I have come to realize that I am left in this state of confusion. Which I will be the first to say is far more terrifying than living a life unknown. To be forced to face reality only to recognize “The Devil in Beautiful People."

As another couple would walk into the room we looked over at them as they stuck their big heads in my face, displaying this sort of I’m a little crazy grin across their faces. One stood silently and watched just observing, as another would have smiled and waved. The last one would put her guard up and say- iuu“Don’t get too excited, you know we can’t trust them.” The lady was light-skinned, had blonde hair, the typical blue eyes.
The male was tall, looks like Charlie Sheen and Jim Carey mixed if you minus the lcomedic talent and the bad publicity of the other. When they got done introducing themselves they would usually follow their introduction with a little white lie. Which sounded a lot like, “and you can trust me.”
“Trust? What is trust?-’ I do remember thinking to myself. “Who were they?-“What did they want?” I’m sure they could see that my facial expression was giving off those questions.

The person they would end up calling mom, she came off as vindictive to one of us, controlling to another, as for the last one, she had viewed her as a challenge. They never learn when to “shut it kid” She often told their mom that “she was wrong.” if needed to be corrected. heir mom didn’t like that. As another one would mock their mom, mimicking the phrase said next with this wine tone, it would annoy her, running away to her husband. to blame it all on his wife.
As for the last one, she stayed quiet, just watching as their mom went off, getting red in the face telling them that,- “They’re just trying to pick a fight.” Her husband comes off as malicious, impulsive as well as a bit narcissistic, hypercritical, and viewed as slightly toxic. He carried the same mentality as a dog with behavioral issues. Avoiding what needs to be fixed. Honestly, they both had no problem lashing out and blaming me for their problems and then playing victim afterward. Never once would they apologize.

I had just got to the point of letting it happen and I accepted it. I had gotten used to it. Even though I knew deep down inside it wasn’t fair. they would always say to “Trust your gut feeling”- but made us feel like we had no idea what we were talking about.They would act as if w e were to have made the whole thing up. It left me crying, and upset. As one would start shouting that "She WASN'T lying-“ you never listen! If you guys get to know me.”
He would interfere by telling me -“Not to speak that way,” kicking me out. I would get even more upset and start to yell at them;- “It’s not fair, You’ve Never seen me for who I am. YOU NEVER TRIED TO UNDERSTAND! YOU GUYS NEED TO STOPPED, NOT ME” Devastated as if I had failed him, but the sick realit y is he failed me. if I wasn’t good enough for a moment of his time, I wasn’t...