It's been a long time since I have been able to relax and enjoy some personal time with me, myself and I.

Yeah, it's a very stressful time for us. The Pandemic and everything else that came with it. However I have myself in the committee meeting pondering about what has happened that has us suddenly unbalanced so much. And we are surprised about what topic ended up on the table....

Suddenly I myself thinking about my recently deceased father. Yeah, imagine that!

I did not communicate with him, due to life circumstances, until the ending of his story. However he is how I began the virtual journey. For some reason he was the only video calls that I would accept. Not even aware that he was ill. He would always be forward about wanting to see how I was doing. And would not accept no for an answer. We never discussed about anything within the past. Just current events. And one day, a couple of months later, I was wondering why I have not heard from him. Or even seen him on platforms. For he had done something very rare of him out of my entire life. And it was out of character for us not to hear him in regards of this rare deed. And that is when I discovered that he was calling us from his finally resting bed journey.

Nevertheless every since then I have been blown up over minor storms. That is how this topic came across the table. For some reason something has been avoiding me from thinking about this until now. Never realized how much it affected me by the way things played out. I did notice that every once in a while we would be discussing this topic. Yet I always cut it short. Which is some unhealthy self defense tool that has been acquired over the past years of growing up. Yet why does this topic come up every time I want to figure out why am I have unbalanced issues suddenly. For I mean, we had got a grip on this to enable me to focus on positive productivity for us.

Anyway, I assumed that I had let go of what it was that hit me hard. But obviously not. Because I always end up with this one on my mind.

Hopefully the universe is putting this one on our table for us to understand what we need to do to help ourselves cope with it better. For I truly believe that we have let go of the mightiest battle of the overwhelming pain of it. Cause it has been coming out as so in little squirts. But what really made us focus on this is the fact that we are aware of what made us this moody decades ago. And had to really go into some quiet time to get down to the fact it.

Being as much focused on the shadows within the universe. We had to wait until the Devine one revealed it to us. Just to keep ourselves grounded!

It's strange. Cause we are like wth! We are not even that angry about anything. Just walking around fussing over anything that is unsatisfactory to us. And with these new covd19 mandates. It is really becoming increasingly difficult to survive on a limited budget. Set back after set back.

Oversleeping consequently is a number one red flag. Also over eating.

Yet I am okay though if it is what needs to heard. For I know how to isolate myself from myself when necessary!

I rarely stay serious for a long period of time like this. I really like joking around and having a good time. I imagine that the rest of the committee noticed that I have not been joking around. So they made me sit here at the royal table to figure this mess out. So, maybe he can hear and see me now. And know that I am back on track of what made him so proud of me before he was layed to rest.

Rest in peace father. For you made the impression that has me constantly thinking about you.

Bazilisk49
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