People please stop giving instructions on, "How to destroy a narcissist."!

If you give them a taste of their own medicine, they feed off of it to keep fighting with you, and such is riddled with their ways of trying to turn you into one of them... for as long as you keep exchanging in returning giving an eye for an eye.

So...

So don't be surprised if they say, "You game!", and then you game, and you get diagnosed with gaming disorder...

If you see a sign that says, "Hurry, big mattress sale. You have to come before the sale ends soon!". Do you think, "I have a choice.", or do you follow the signs instructions, repeatedly advertised to be put in your face again and again, which has wording in it that practically demands you go check out this sale and buy buy buy now?.

I'm living proof of what can happen if eye for an eye keeps being exchanged back and forth...

Having the eyes to see everything for what it is is difficult when delusions confusions lies and deceptions are often presented as candy to trick you...

I can't fathom loving that person I use to swear to cherish and love...

So much energy put into defending myself took me from being the loving person I wanted to be...

They say I was hurting them first...

I remember judging them...
If they didn't like the way I treated them why didn't they just walk away?
Why did they keep calling me again?
Then again...
Why did I keep calling them again too?

No, they want to destroy me or make me destroy myself...
Maybe they think the same about me though...

I never did what I did with the intent to destroy that person.

I did what I did because I was insisting (sometimes begging) I had to be respected and if...
"If I give it another chance, I insist to please not do that messed up thing (that may have been claimed is an innocent mistake...) again.

I remember I was taught I set standards on what kind of people I was okay with being around...
So sometimes I was judgemental in my demeanor instead of...

So...

Now being forced to defend myself and being confused about who's right or wrong because the war has gone on for so long?
At this point I don't want to care who started it, I just want peace...

According to the other party, they want peace but they eventually repeat asking me to submit to sacrificing myself to be beat up, have attempted murder done on me they say their family wants to carry out on me, or... they reveal their family giving instructions to take me to court for...
I said I'd be his ride or die...
and he...
asked me to let gang people beat me up...

I got pissed and gave the enemy address saying not to beat or harm but call the cops and have him escorted in, but if he chooses to hurt him it will mess up investigating him for the list of accusations against him of all the women saying he raped them and touched little children...
(later another list appeared...)
well...
the dude beat him up and said I ordered it be done (that's slander)...
giving the address to someone who's homeless saying he stole his clothes from him... what was I thinking?
I believed the enemy because the same man he said stole from him wasn't supposed to steal from me when I was homeless, but he did...
Apparently telling a dude he'll ruin or compromise an investigation if he beats him up means nothing to dude...

So dude beats him up and that lead his sister to rant at me on messenger that there's no where I can go she's going to kill me.

... he dropped charges against dude after dude told me he found out everything the women said was conjured up by a pathological/compulsive liar so I wouldn't help the investigator find him to carry out the investigation...

Later...
he turns around and refuses to let me ignore him jacking off wouldn't give me space because it's was a thug scary gang neighborhood he insisted he had to protect me in... despite I said God can watch me I'm doing this revival and I'm going to pay all rent and bills he can save all his money... I felt I owed him and wanted to help him accomplish his goal to save up to build a $10,000.00 savings cushion... I was about to be hired to work 7 days a week at a hospital... promised to receive because the job was so easy all that was important wa showing up...

I flipped out and tried to leave but he held me in the apartment against my will...
I told the cops I flipped out and got took to court for DV.

I did DV classes and...
he stole all my food money.... and moved away...

After that I can't believe I asked we try again.
He said no, but I begged same as he always begged me to stay...
WOW!
I should have left...
I thought giving up was what he kept saying he didn't want...
but I begged him to be dedicated the way he always begged me to stay dedicated and do the classes and we can do counseling too...

WOW!
I should have left...
Why would I want to try again with someone who wants me to let myself be beat up?
Why would I want to be with someone who probably did those nasty things?
So we were young and exploring who we were and who we wanted to be with when figuring out who we were....that's normal, I wasn't judging him for seeing all the women he was seeing when he was younger... apparently he had a issue with me doing that though.

It seems I wasn't in my right mind going back to trying again.
[I was tunnel visioned on trying to be with someone who wanted just one...
Did he really want one?
He proposed and when he walked everywhere traditionally wearing a matching set of jewelry/regalia... and introduced me to his family wearing it, showed him I deleted my red book and asked him to delete his black book.]
He wanted me to respect his choice...
There was a time when I wanted him to respect my choice, but he begged me to stay despite I expressed that...
Back and forth with all that is how we went...


That eventually lead to us conceiving a child...

Now...

I'm with Man who's healthy....
we don't have bad drama fire up between us...
what issues we have we work through
as he's masculine and
I admit Man is right when I'm wrong
and
Man admits I'm right when I'm right...


Back to more about EyeForAnEye, "He/Him/His"...

He shows me his family making plans to do things in court...
it has an affect on our bio child's life...

but

how's that necessary when I kept giving him lists of resourcesand numbers to free legal consultation?
I kept answering the phone to let him explain how he was carrying forward while I advised him to move forward with the next step...

I kept reminding him what to do writing the list for him and sending it to him over and over. Times when he requested the information again, and other times when he dropped out of contact for long periods o time while his child is getting older and older...
I felt bad that our child might feel abandoned by him... was also afraid of what I learned is called alienating... I went out of my way to avoid doing and it stressed me out...

This year...

A group of us entered a verbal traditional treaty agreement where...
I told him I'd try to give him another chance...
but...

His elder forgot my name and mistook me for one of his other ex's and wants me to bring bio child to visit her...

He shows the rest of that family group don't like me... Especially his big cousin who's standing in for his mom who passed away...

It's odd to me he says he lied about that time all those years ago he said his siblings planned to do drive by's on me while pregnant with our son,
but now I remember his family was threatening me directly...
so... Is that really a lie?
and
everyone wants revenge...

Yes, this year, he tells me he can drive hunt fire a gun and wants to buy a trailer and drive our son and I around the country living like a sojourning travel life family on the road...

Yes...
I was going to stay with him, but I found he keeps associating with those people again and again.
Still to this day with that again and again...
was found being in contact and engaged in conversations trying to court the enemy (who disturbed and played us against each other) into conversations with them...
now I can't talk to him. I don't want to let that drama back into my life...
I have guard our child from them...
he did this before...
when
however...
his story is she was drunk throwing herself at him and he felt dirty...
since then I never heard of her having a baby, much less any of his babies...
Those people like mash pits, I guess.

Why they keep having to Re-enter that past? They all need to put each other in the past and don't look back if they're unable to forget the past when stuck in each other's presence.
I need to put all of them
(ALL OF THEM) in my past.
Get all their devilish ways behind me...

They say who you hang around your likely to run off on or they run off on you... Bad company spoils innocence...

I used to view him as so innocent kind caring and helpful...
ive bee treated poorly at times he is the complete oppoaite of sweet kind and caring by the way he is aggressive and flighty demanding and professional himself on being dominant in private conversations...
so many people back him up they view him as innocent... maybe he is... those girls appear to be malicious, but women don't want to be silenced when they know they went through what they went through....

I guess these people like mash pits...

How's this though?
He said to the one who played us against each other, "I did it because I got lost in the pussy.".

I guess...
He makes mash pits?

I'd rather be homeless and work on myself independently than lay in that bed.

© LilohaIsMsH