"Swath....my exams for finals will end tomorrow. I will go home on the day after tomorrow. In a hurry...call me...So plz, give me time."
I read his msg. I didn't feel the joy that I used to feel. Just a line of Zoya shook me... What causal relation does he mean... does he have time for causal talk?

This headache became an addiction to my body.

I just typed... "Best wishes for your exam".

I waited for an hour.
Ramya strictly said that, if he doesn't come by the next 15mint don't dare to see him.

We waited for one more hour.
I felt random thoughts...about him.

I called him. The call was not responding.
Ramya...kept me watching...
She got bored off...fun cracks, teasing, even music felt like noise.
We waited one more hour.
Ok, fine Swath... Done... He doesn't value time or is in some trouble.

The trouble utterance, hit me like I can die to take his troubles on me.
I said to Rammya at 1 pm, "Ram....you go...thanks for waiting this long dear.".

She got up and stretched herself, and sat again with folded legs on the platform bench. And said,"
"Shut up re....we can wait one more hour and see. She put her hand on my shoulder and said. All that is I'm hungry. I will buy something and come."

I called Sagen like mad again! As Ramya was also not near to me...

We used station toilets to freshen up. We walk on the platform. Sat from one place to another. Talked about many many many things...
I witnessed her sweet fight with her fiance.
As people get filled in on the platform, she cracks jokes and makes me imagine as per her saying.
We laughed, sang, and listen to songs. Sad songs, romantic songs, Malayalam, Hindi, Tamil, English, Marwari, Punjabi, hip-hop, Ragaz, Sufi, Gazzal, Rajasthani, Bhojpuri songs... That was a record for both of us!

We waited for him till evening 7 pm. from morning to 10 am on the platform of Thrika.
It was like two mad! One was in. Love for Sagen, one stayed because of her Mad friend.!!

Ramya got her patience done and energy zero.
Are you sure ... Swath...
What...
He said he will call and meet you.
I showed her msg.
She gave a big hit on my shoulder back...
What... I screamed in pain.
"Mental... She yelled at me... Then she laughed as if I cracked a joke. He said to give him time... He will call...Where he wrote he will see you. I think he must have reached his hometown also. Now don't ask me to take you there. "
She got up and took her bag... Looking with concern and bonding of friendship...she said, "Mad you are...Swath... Come let's go home...". She pulled my hand to walk fast.

I felt like I'm seriously ill.
I kept reading his msg. Why my brain thought he said he wants to meet ...he will call... Uff...Sagen!

I reached home. I felt to msg him.
Call. Me...as you get free. My first msg.
Then again msg... My second msg...
Are you ok?
Then again msged...
Will you call back?
After ten mint...
I typed again,
Sorry to disturb you.
After five mint...
"How was your exam? "
Then again texted...
"Do you Love me, Sagen? ".
Like that, I have no idea what my brain said and my fingers typed. Thankfully WhatsApp and all were not introduced to our mobiles... Else had no idea what all emojis also floated on his mobile screen. By morning I had ended up with my recharge, mobile charge, and my brain drain!

Next week my exams got over, and vacation started.
I was again at home!
I felt to kill myself for loving someone who doesn't care...
Then recalled...about Dad, about Preeta, about Sagen too...and our good time...

I attended weddings, I was not interested to make up or wear jewelry. I was like just living to be visible.
I tried to forget Sagen every day as I get up, then as I go to sleep but every day I fail.

The news of the Royal wedding of Prince Samrudh of JanakiRam palace, and the business ambassador's daughter Navya was held at the Palace of Chitor.

I felt slices cutting over my body.
Because Sagin told only about engagement fixed. Not about anything else. He never told me anything. The Internet is also filled with pics of Royal Weddings. I could not find Sagen.
I searched on his Fb. No post. I looked at myself as no one.
Then a pic I saw... A blurred view of Sagen...standing behind his family. Why does this photographer blame him? I speak my teeth...

One msg popped up... In the evening while I was attending a reception.
"How are you Swath... Tc. ".
I felt to fly at him and kill him...kiss me... Oh...all together!
Hey Swathantra...
I was replying and somebody called my name...
I turned around and saw Alok. I knew him as he was my senior at school.
Hi.
Waoo you look so beautiful in this chiffon red dress. Your earnings suit you.
I felt nothing. If this was said by Sahen... I would be flying without wings and my face and body...Uff Sagen... I looked around to get my sense back...
I said thank you as a formality to Alok.
So what are you doing ...
Texting S..a...g... Hmmm, nothing I said.
No I mean...as your vacation is going so...
Ok... Nothing great. I said.
I wished to avoid him. Soon I found one of my cousins.
Excuse me Alok I said and escaped...
I saw him talking with my dad... It reminded me of Sagen. I saw my cousins having fun... reminded me of Sagen's laugh...the music of his favorite reminded me of him singing...
The food had paneer tika...Jeera rice, Dal Bati, Halwa puri....reminded me of Sagen Rajput.
Ufff....this Sagen viru...

When I reached home I texted him. ... "Call me once you are free. Congratulations to your brother."
I erased a lot then thpught, writing a whole essay will kill me more in regret.

My vaccinations got over.
I was becoming someone who want to be hidden from the world.
I want to talk so much to people as if Im the only speaking human left in the world.
I felt to eat spicy food... Each bite to forget Saget...
The only place where I put my heart without fear was in front of Preeta... When I go to her home to see her... I cry putting my head on her lap, I cry even when she feeds me food prepared by her mom.
I used to feel this Saget virus should either kill me or set me free.

Music of sadness became my top list. Books on how to kill time and free from relations became my favorite.

When I had a bad day with Dad, I felt...to kill myself... But the next moment, I feel his care and concern...and how he will be alone ...these thoughts became my home in mind!

One day I told Preeta, "Love should happen... But with yourself!"

Then again comes Sagen...
© Saranya Anish Nair