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"That Guy"
I was that guy~ The charming guy, the knight in shining armor, the drive through the rain to see you, it was a movie that played out in my head and it was a novel, like Wuthering Heights~ I was in the throws of intoxicating love, a Romanticist dream of a world I perceived.
The first time, you chose work over me and I was uncomfortably quiet. You could feel my disappointment, as I seethed with anger inside, "How dare you!!!" So mad, I couldn't speak~ Just silence. To get my way, maybe you would change your mind and just stay.
I moved myself in, but I never fit with your reality, I wasn't happy unless it was part of my fantasy.
It happened again, love, anger then silence~ Until you felt bad, then I'd win, the intoxicating feeling I craved would begin, when I could make you feel sad.
"Fuck You!!!~ I Love You" As long as I'm back in the center again. "Were you with me or with them!!!".
I hated everything about you, until you'd cave in, only then everything you liked, I liked it too. Until school started and you were excited and I felt broken hearted~ Abandoned, betrayed, I couldn't stand the notes from class, every page was like a slap in my face, as I tightened my squeeze I could see my sweet little bird was flying away, far from her cage, out of my sight, why is she late??? Somewhere she's landed, I'll follow tomorrow night.
What was I looking for on the floor???
I can't seem to find my composure and after the laughter, in my face came the tears like rain, I crossed the line and it was too late~ feel my pain. I knew at that point what I lost was control and my dreams went away to suffer this fate.
The fantasy came crashing down, as fast as we fell to the bed, that close together that close to death.
I wasn't a Tiger, I was a worm~ It took me a long time of looking and searching my soul and that which looked back from that abyss was not what I thought, as I saw myself, I began to squirm.
The only way I could think of to apologize, that could have any meaning, was to go deep within to see what I was, that wasn't a man. The only way to say sorry was to learn about myself and never be that guy again.
Randy Chavez
© RandelllMalavida!!!
The first time, you chose work over me and I was uncomfortably quiet. You could feel my disappointment, as I seethed with anger inside, "How dare you!!!" So mad, I couldn't speak~ Just silence. To get my way, maybe you would change your mind and just stay.
I moved myself in, but I never fit with your reality, I wasn't happy unless it was part of my fantasy.
It happened again, love, anger then silence~ Until you felt bad, then I'd win, the intoxicating feeling I craved would begin, when I could make you feel sad.
"Fuck You!!!~ I Love You" As long as I'm back in the center again. "Were you with me or with them!!!".
I hated everything about you, until you'd cave in, only then everything you liked, I liked it too. Until school started and you were excited and I felt broken hearted~ Abandoned, betrayed, I couldn't stand the notes from class, every page was like a slap in my face, as I tightened my squeeze I could see my sweet little bird was flying away, far from her cage, out of my sight, why is she late??? Somewhere she's landed, I'll follow tomorrow night.
What was I looking for on the floor???
I can't seem to find my composure and after the laughter, in my face came the tears like rain, I crossed the line and it was too late~ feel my pain. I knew at that point what I lost was control and my dreams went away to suffer this fate.
The fantasy came crashing down, as fast as we fell to the bed, that close together that close to death.
I wasn't a Tiger, I was a worm~ It took me a long time of looking and searching my soul and that which looked back from that abyss was not what I thought, as I saw myself, I began to squirm.
The only way I could think of to apologize, that could have any meaning, was to go deep within to see what I was, that wasn't a man. The only way to say sorry was to learn about myself and never be that guy again.
Randy Chavez
© RandelllMalavida!!!
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