Behind The Eyes Of An Addict
Being considered an addict myself at the age of 20. I have a very true story of my own to share with all I terested. Behind the eyes I have of my own, I have witnessed, learned, and realized ALOT. More things than I would have ever thought. I have been invloved in crazy, jacked up, messy situations. More than I would have even imagined.. More than I had ever intended on being a part of.
Being an addict, I have been through hell and back, that includes going through realapse. Starting in June of 2018 continuing now into March of 2019.. Man, time has really disappeared on me. It's been almost a year already since this battle has began with me. Now having to fight this battle till the death of me. Having little to nobody next to me. No support system helping me. Life's hard living as an addict especially.
With such little time given, here is what's been happening. I have lost, and at the same time gained tons of friends, enemies, associates and family. I have hurt, disappointed, put many people to shame.. With broken hearts of many and I'm the one to blame. I let so many people down, including myself this time round. I got lost in the so called "GAME" in part of praising the upside down cross.. Damn near all of us addicts are lost. I let go and lost all self control. Lost with no path to even lead me. Allowing my addiction to take over so easy, as the new lead of my own self being... Giving all access of myself away freely to what looked and seemed like me, but in all reality the addiction was taking over me.. I promise to everyone it wasn't the real me. All addicts would know what the fuck I mean.
I've come to see what a true friend means. Fuck all the people who gave up on me. I was struggling hard as they all could see. Stuck in a dark daze living a real life bad dream. Giving up on hope that maybe some day I will get clean. Leaving me alone with nothing but my dope to please me. Knowing thats my next step once you leave. I begin to tourch the pipe and then start to slowly hit the ice. Not just once, more like a bunch. Having no company just isn't any fun. With nothing to accupy me, I tend to get high very frequently. Giving up letting me continue to do such things. Used to tell me to stop this nonsense spree. I wouldn't listen so you gave up on me. A true friend would never ever leave.. No matter what it takes to get me drug free. A real friend would stay and fight with me. Do whatever it takes to get me clean. Only a select few people stayed. Had my back through all the days. Supported me all the way. Helping me realize its time to open my eyes. Get my life back on the right track. Thank you much to the real ones who stuck. Much love and hugs. I appreciate y'all so much.
I picked myself back up you see! I receive little to no help behind me. Although it may not seem hard at all in the eyes of others, I most certainly disagree with them. I will argue that statement until I die. The truth is it's harder than anyone realizes.. Being an addict isn't easy as most may say so, not at all in the slightest bit.. Behind my eyes, Living life as an addict is an everyday, every minute fight constantly battling your very worst enemy "addiction" much alike in comparison to satan in my eyes.. Being an addict is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Only an addict will understand how hard it really is living life as an addict. People are so quick to judge us addicts based on the rumors they hear and the little things they see. They judge us on what seems to be without knowing the reality of what really goes on..
There comes a certain time when an addict will finally at last realize enough is enough. They have to be WILLING and WANT help to get clean. Have faith in yourself and prepare for the worst. Fight the urges! Fight the withdraw! Fight the pain! Be strong and save yourself! With that being said, my time has come! I finally opened my eyes!. I realized I am better than this addiction!. I am stronger and more stable than this addiction.! I believe that I will in fact be clean and sober one day in the near future. I have my whole life to move forward. I take it day by day, fighting this battle knowing eventually the pain will go away. The mental and physical pain will get easier as time passes. The urge will go away eventually. Someday I will have my life back on track sober and happy. It's a lifelong road of recovery. Damn near impossible in the beginning. But I promise every bit of pain, sickness, and emotional distress you feel during this battle is worth gold in the end.
From one addict to another, I wish you all nothing but the best. I pray for protection over all of you. And I hope everyone remains safe at all costs. Continue to be cautious and remain careful with all that involves you and or other people. The Addiction Battle isn't easy at all. Always Stay strong. Never give up on fighting for the better half of YOURSELF! You are worth more than you think. Even being an addict, the life you have has been handed to you as a present. Made with love and affection. Your life is worth gold. Forever and always. So heads held high, I believe you can win this fight. Start when you are ready. I will be here for all types of support.