I was in my room blankly staring at the top right corner.

I was waiting.

Waiting as my heart pounded for him to come back.

To torture me.

I turned my head to see the only sunlight left for the day.

I began to feel a sense of comfort looking at the monsters in my window. They seemed to be my only friends.


They occupied me the thirteen to eighteen hours in a day I was hovered by gloom.

There was nowhere for my mind to escape.

Over and over, my thoughts ruminated.

My mind began racing moving in a repetitious loop while my thoughts had no notion to prevail their meaning.

Although everything in my head seemed to be spinning around in circles there was no evidence of a universal shield anywhere near me.

Eventually, I felt myself falling into nothingness, loneliness, emotional despair, mental anguish and worthlessness.

I kept looking at the monsters in the window. They seemed to be my only friends.

I turned my head for a moment to stare back into the right corner of my room, only to look back and see that the monsters were gone.

I thought that they liked me.

They seemed to be the only things that were protecting me through my nightmares of reality.

Why did they leave me?

They left me like anyone else who had cared for me and said they would never leave.

Unaccepted.

Neglected.

Thoughts and emotions that triggered my PTSD created self-doubt, self-blame and clustered my mind of mistakes, wrong decisions, and sorrow for the things that never were.

This caused a mesh of confusion and self-hatred towards myself taking fault for others who had hurt me.

I believed the monsters would always be there for me.

I was wrong.

I became overwhelmed and full of fear just as in the beginning when I felt hovered by gloom.

Suddenly my sixth sense took over me making me aware of the very certainty of my environment and that I truly was not alone.

Again.

Spiritual warfare.

Could it have been the enlightenment of my genuine soul that he was after?

Was it jealousy?

Did he want to keep me from acheiving my miraculous purpose in this lifetime?

Was I an enemy in a past life?

I intuitively felt that I'd been being haunted by the ghost of vengeance.

A being that had no chance of going to heaven.

Subjected to hell.

I began to wonder why purgatory was not even an option.

It's demeanor was horrific.

It's aura was that of a cold soul, blown down to this world by a powerful gust of breath, breathed by its higher power.

He was very angered.

It's very presence was extremely invasive.

Was he dispersed away from everything that was righteous?

The unforgiven?

It seemed as though the enemy opened the gates of his evil playground for this dark, tainted, foul and vindictive creature to haunt me.

Only me.

His rare and unusual spirit had been taunting me since I was young and never denied my existence.

He was always trying to "bury me alive" in every situation or circumstance that related or belonged to me.

Causing crisis after crisis, and bad thoughts that had formed a dark place in my mind.

The stronger my inner will was and I became more spiritually focused, it created more havoc and distress in my life.

Had I been cursed?

After being in deep thought and contemplating over so many scenarios, my lungs began to feel compressed by thick, heavy air that creeped into the room.

I got extreme chills through my body.

I looked over to the right side of my room looking up into the corner.

Trembling.

There he was.

The faint, black and smoky looking spirit floating around the ceiling of the room with the grace of an angel, but had the strongest demonic vibe.

I wanted out of this terrible hell.

It forced me into a trance of emptiness.

Terrified, I became still as if I were a mannequin stuck gazing through this threatening creature of the enemy.

My eyes had never seen such ugliness.

Limitless evil.

My brain used to be in the state of sanity.

It immediately and significantly regressed in that exact moment.

I was sitting there forced to be face to face with the hugest fear I ever had.

I automatically disassociated from my mind and body.

I was in a danger zone with something unknown of it's kind, alone and vulnerable.

The unknown that was terribly familiar.

Wishing that there was no memory or recollection of why or how I knew him so well.

The giver of all the destruction I had endured through my entire life.

I was so desperate to escape the reoccurring visions I had imagined him to be.

Restricted.

Confined.

Lost with no direction.

I had slowly awakened from my episode of being disassociated.

The only thing that I could think of was about my past and present being linked together in a barbed wire chain cutting me and reopening scars left on the surface.

It was his fault.

I was delirious.

The feeling of naitiousness came upon me.

I was forced into the realm of his darkness by a murmur of demonic commands.

Unveiled.

Blinded.

I was no longer able to see the cruel shadow swarming around me, but still able to feel the cold wind coming from his frantic movement within a close distance.

Every minute that passed by became more intensified.

I was frightened.

It felt like he started eating away at me like a fatal illness rapidly progressing and spreading through my body.

My soul was starting to become suppressed.

The feeling of numbness filled my body.

I was not yet lifeless, even though my body was numb, I still felt everything and nothing at all at the same time.

I was exhausted and quickly turning exasperated.

I wholeheartedly prayed to be released from this prison called hell on earth and for him to leave me alone.

Only a few minutes later which had felt like forever and a day, my panic, anxiety, and hopelessness started to diminish slowly but surely.

Not indefinitely.

My eyes started adjusting to the lighting in the room.

He wasn't visible.

But was never gone.

I miss the monsters in my window. They seemed to be my only friends.

The monsters kept me safe.

Written by:

Amy Jo Koontz










































© Amy Jo Koontz