There is a legend about a prestigious martial arts tournament in Japan. Japans greatest MMA fighter, an expert in karate, Ninja and Judo was waiting with disgusted impatience for his opponent to arrive.

"He dishonours us Master. He is a disgrace and must be disqualified immediately!"

The Tournament Master raised his hand.

"He has arrived."

"Then he is invisible for I do not see him"

"Listen closely. He can be heard rather than seen. Look to the sky."

The fighter looked up and cocked his head to listen. He heard the music first. Some sort of classic rock which definitely wasn't to his taste. He sneered disgusted all the more. Then gradually he saw a dot in the sky that grew bigger and bigger. It had wings.

"This is impossible! How does he levitate! What magic is this?!

An American in the audience shouted "It's a flying squirrel suit! Have you been living under a rock?"

The Japanese fighter glared daggers at him.

The American fell quiet. But not for long.

Now the lyrics of the song could be heard loud and clear as the man in the sky descended.

"Might as well jump! Jump!
Might as well jump!"

"Wooooo!! I love Van Halen!

The fighter pulled a Sai from his belt.

"Don't make me cut out your tongue, American!"

The American turned pale and stayed quiet.

There was a whoosh as the falling mans parachute burst open and everyone watched as he gently floated to the ground. He detached himself and threw the chute off. He was revealed, the colourful parachute billowing around him with the final notes of "Jump" playing out.

The Brazilian fighter stood tall and confident. Head up, eyes alert, ready to go.

The American couldn't help himself.

"That's how you make a fucking entrance!!"

The Japanese fighter could take no more. He darted towards the American, plucked his tongue out his mouth and prepared to sever it with his Sai.

Lightening quick the Brazilian sprung into action. He dropped to the floor then spinning like a break dancer he kicked upwards striking the Sai from his opponents hand. He caught the Sai and threw it out of reach.

"What's honourable about cutting out tongues, bitch?"

Whirling into another Capoeira move his foot connected with the Japanese mans chin. He had been gaping in awe so much at the spectacular Brazilian acrobatics that his tongue was hanging out. His teeth smashed together and he bit it off. It flew through the air, a bloody trail marking its trajectory.

The American of course had the last word:

"Holy shit! That's karma!"


© Andrew J Sinclair