I need to figure out how to let my feelings go, not completely because I still love you deeply. I just don't want to hurt inside, but I have to. I need to numb myself when we are around other people, because that's when you love hurting me deeply down in my soul. Instead of hurting you, I rather take it out on myself for being stupid for loving you, when you show me that I'm not good enough like they are. I only do it when my demons win me over, when I can't write and I can't take it anymore. I wish all of my pain can leave and I can be normal like every one else. I'm tired God. I'm really tired of trying to live this life. I'm tired of staying strong, staying strong for what? Getting hurt all the time? I wish I could see what else my future is holding. I'm done with the hurting games, thats what it seems like every guy loves playing. I guess that's what happens when your a good girl, you only get hurt.
© Charlotte B.